


Letters to Bucky

by NotEvenCloseToStraight



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Bucky is missing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Meetings, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Happily Ever After, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, Oral Sex, Pen Pals, Phone Calls & Telephones, Phone Sex, Poetry, Protective Bucky Barnes, Rough Sex, Shower Sex, Soldier Bucky Barnes, Steve is a BAMF, Super Soldier Serum, Sweet Sex, Tony Is A Genius, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, winteriron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2018-10-14 14:08:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 43,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10538082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenCloseToStraight/pseuds/NotEvenCloseToStraight
Summary: Stuck in rehab after a near-fatal accident, Tony reaches out via letters to a soldier overseas, and Bucky is more than happy to write back, drawn to Tony for a reason he can't quite name. One or two letters turn into a years worth, then come the phone calls, with Tony quickly realizing that Bucky's voice, with that rolling Brooklyn accent might be his new favorite sound.When Bucky shows up unannounced at Tony's door, one thing leads to another and maybe a confession or two is made. But Bucky's tour overseas isn't over yet, not even close, and they have months more of distance between them.Then Bucky disappears, missing in action, and Tony doesn't know if he will ever get his soldier back. And if Bucky DOES make it home, will he be the same boy from Brooklyn who sent Tony love poems, or has his time away and his injuries changed him for good?(Re-edited and divided into chapters!)





	1. Chapter 1

**Check** **out Cover Art[HERE ](https://not-close-to-straight.tumblr.com/post/159047881433/i-dont-wanna-take-it-slow-i-made-some-cover-art)**

 

_*******************************_

_To: Master Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes_

_–The rehab facility I am trapped at has encouraged me to work through my depression and regain my mental balance and health by becoming pen pals with a soldier. Definitely their words, not mine._

_–I pulled your name from the box, so lucky you. I’ll be perfectly honest, I think this is a terrible idea, and I can’t see how it will help me, but they are insisting and I don’t really want a crazy stamp on my forehead so here goes._

_–You know what? Before we start, I guess I should emphasize that this isn’t a rehab center for narcotic abusers, even though after months of these heavy duty pain killers they are giving me, I might need a stint in that kind of place as well. This is more of a physical rehab place._

_–Anyway. My name is Tony. On Thanksgiving Day I was in an accident that nearly cost me my life. I broke my sternum and several ribs and they had to restart my heart twice on the operating table. Several other broken bones, a breathing tube and liquid only diet for way too long. And now a stint in a rehab/hospice, where all I do is stare at four walls all day and try not to go crazy._

_–(You know as I’m writing this I realize I may in fact be depressed. Who wouldn’t be?Maybe the doctors do know what they are talking about.)_

_–Anyway, whether you write back or not (and I won’t blame you if you don’t because I am just terrible at this) stay safe out there. You and all the other boys making sure jerks like me sleep well at night._

_Tony_

_************************_

_************************_

**To: Tony**

**–Well, the letter was a nice surprise, I had to sit and think who from home would be writing me at all. I forgot I put my name in that whole penpal program, same as you it was a program to encourage soldiers to look out for our mental health by keeping in contact with someone back home.  Apparently writing letters counts as therapy. Who knew?**

**–By the way, I wouldn’t care if you were in rehab for drugs, everyone’s got their own demons, you know? But it sucks it’s rehab after an accident. What happened, if you don’t mind me asking.**

**–Depression is a bitch, Tony. If writing me helps then write all you want, I’ll answer every time. Even shitty letters like your last one. Seriously man, write better than that. Tell me something about yourself at least. Are you married? Single? Somewhere in between?**

**–Are you just Tony or is there more there I want to know about?**

**–Did that come across weird? I was trying to make a joke but that doesn’t seem to translate super well with hand written letters I guess.**

**–I’ve been in the military since I was 18, enlisted right out of high school. I enjoy old school music, parties that don’t require a tie, and I have been known to write the occasional terrible poem,**

**–I’m safe tonight. We are all are. The good vibes are appreciated.**

**Write back Tony**

**********************

Tony folded the letter with a small smile, placing it on the nightstand in his hospice room.

He hadn’t expected the soldier to reply to what had been, at best, the half drugged ramblings of his depressed mind, but the short letter made him happier than it probably should, and he knew he would be writing back. It was the least he could do after James had taken the time to reply, right?

It took more effort than he wanted to admit to sit back on his pillows, and his chest ached even with that small movement.

Tony rubbed gingerly over the heavy bandages that were holding him together. His ribs were wrapped as well, there was a cast on his left hand, and some days he felt like his back and legs would never stop hurting.

“How are we doing Mr Stark?” the overly cheery nurse came in with an annoying mega-watt smile and Tony mumbled something rude under his breath.

“What was that now?” she paused expectantly. “Something uplifting and encouraging, no doubt?”

Tony pasted a tense smile on his face. “Right. Uplifting and encouraging. Time for medication?”

“Time for physical therapy!” she actually  _clapped_ her hands, and Tony wanted to throw the lamp at her.

She had no right to be  _that_  cheerful over something that caused him so much pain.

“Lets get your chair!” She announced, pulling the wheelchair from the corner, and motioning for him to get in. “Come on now! I know you can get in here by yourself!”

“Patricia my dear.” he managed between clenched teeth. “Didn’t we establish last week that I  _can_ walk just fine, and have no use for the wheelchair? So maybe you put that back where you found it and I can walk the hundred yards down the hall.”

“Oh nonsense Mr. Stark! You need your strength for therapy!” her smile didn’t even flicker in the face of his annoyance. “Let’s go, let’s go!”

Tony leveled her with his fiercest glare, but Patricia had faced crankier patients than him, so after a moment Tony just sighed and stood from the bed, giving himself a minute to find his balance before dropping into the chair.

“Alright sunshine.” he muttered. “Let’s get this over with.”

*******************

Two hours later, Tony was wheeled back into his room and lifted  onto his bed with the help of one of the physical therapists.

The nurse arranged the pillows around him, tucked the blankets around his legs so he wouldn’t be cold and with a wholly sympathetic smile, pushed the box of tissues closer to the bedside so Tony could reach them.

Then she put a few pain pills and a glass of water on the table, dimmed the lights and slipped from the room with a quiet reminder to call her if he needed anything.

It was a full ten minutes before Tony’s hands stopped shaking enough for him to reach for a tissue, and another few minutes before he stopped crying long enough to swallow the pain pills and take a sip of water.

Tears were still tracking down his cheeks as he reached for the letter from the soldier, reading it over and over as he tried to take his mind off how badly he hurt, how unproductive the physical therapy had been.

Of course, the nurse had assured him that no physical therapy was unproductive, that every little bit helped, but Tony didn’t believe her.

She was supposed to say things like that, wasn’t she?

Tony took a deep breath to gather himself, and reached for his notepad to write the solider back.

****************************

_To: Master Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes_

_–I can honestly say I would never pass basic training, because physical therapy just about kills me. I have just buckets more respect for you guys since I couldn’t even do a push up right now if I wanted to. I’ve never_ _**wanted** _ _to do a push up? But right now I definitely couldn’t._

–  _Just Tony will do for now. I am single, can’t seem to keep a relationship with my schedule. I stay super busy with work and I like to tinker in my garage here and there, so there just isn’t really time for more than a date every now and then. (And  I have yet to come across a man or woman who can keep my interest past one night.)_

_–My accident. Well, long story short, I was heading back from the airport on thanksgiving and a big rig slid through a light. Clipped my car and sent me flying over a guardrail and down a hill before I wrapped around a pole. Not fun at all let me tell you. Hospice stay was mandatory after I was released from the hospital, so here I am, trying to get through physical therapy and wondering if I’d go to jail for throwing something at the nurse._

_–How long have you been overseas? What branch are you? All the letters by your name don’t mean anything to me. No offense or anything. I know a lot of things, but military rank has never been one of them._

_–Your joke definitely fell a little flat. Leave the funny to those of us who are_ _**actually** _ _funny. I wouldn’t mind a sample of your terrible poetry though. If it’s really as bad as you say, maybe I’ll use it as wall paper. Spice up this boring room._

_–Stay safe soldier_

_Tony_

_PS sorry I really am terrible at this whole letter thing_

*******************

*******************

**To: Tony**

**–I don’t think you are as bad at writing letters as you think? But I’m happy to be a guinea pig if you want to improve your skill. Any letter over here is a welcome letter.**

**–The accident sounds like a real bitch Tony, I am really sorry about that. Be thankful you are alive and thankful you don’t have to do all the push ups I do for PT every week.**

**–I have been over here for three months so far. This is my third tour, first one was fifteen months, last one was twenty one. This one will be twenty one months, too. Hoorah and all that, am I right?**

**–I’m actually not really in a specified branch. Started out Army, and then was recruited for a special ops team, so not really affiliated with anyone anymore. I can’t say more than that for obvious reasons.**

**–Yikes, cut a guy some slack for trying to be funny. You must be a damn comedian. I guess if we are only using our _strengths,_  I’ll just flirt with you all the time instead of trying to be witty. I’ve heard my charm is borderline lethal, so good luck withstanding it. (was that creepy? I wasn’t trying to be**  **creepy)**

**–Hopefully I can keep your interest longer than the other guys/girls did. Perks of writing letters I suppose. It will take us a year to get through what is basically a night of conversation, right? So you shouldn’t be bored anytime before next Christmas.**

**–Threatening to use poetry as wall paper is pretty neanderthal, Tony. Almost enough to hurt a boys feelings. What are you trying to do to me?**

**–Stick with the physical therapy, it will be worth it I promise. And once you are all put back together the scars will be great stories right? I can tell your hand was shaking this last letter. Don’t feel like you have to write me right away if you’re hurting. But don’t STOP writing because these letters are becoming a highlight for me.**

**–I’m safe. We all are right now**

**Write me back, Tony**

****************

_To: James Buchanan Barnes_

_–Happy Valentines Day. I hope they bring in some hookers and chocolate or something for you._ ~~_So… if they did bring in hookers would you want a male hooker or what?_ ~~ _That was in bad taste wasn’t it? Sorry._

_–Are scars really great stories or is that something reckless people just say to make themselves feel better about their disfigurement? I imagine they make for a fairly awkward conversation starter and then… I mean, who wants to listen to someone talk about how badly they hurt themselves? Doesn’t that seem boring?_

_–So. Black ops, secret team…you’re an assassin, aren’t you? It’s okay you can tell me. The only person I ever talk to is Nurse Patricia and I don’t think any sound gets past her gigantic smile to actually reach her ears._

_–This is your third tour? Why the hell would you go back again after making it home safe twice? Was it a choice? An assignment? How old are you? What do you look like? Give me something to work with here i spend almost all day in bed staring at the wall._

_–Come on, soldier, fuel my imagination._

_–Did that sound sexual? It was kind of meant to be sexual. Blame the pain pills if you want. Whether you take it like that or not, at least learning about you will keep my interest, which is a total plus, right?_

_–I don’t really know what else to say. This whole letter thing is harder than they say it is. Why don’t you get a phone and just call me like a normal person?_

_–Stay safe_

_Tony_

****************

****************

James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes re read the letter for a third time, laughing because he could almost  _hear_ the sarcasm in Tony’s words. The writing was less shaky this time, and he wondered if that meant Tony was healing, or just drugged out on pain pills.

“Bucky!” Steve poked his head around the corner and frowned. “Come on. Dinner time. We’re out in the morning, you can’t miss a meal.”

“Just give me a second.” Bucky reached for a pen and started working on a reply.

“Quit writing your girlfriend and let’s go.” Steve insisted, “I can’t have you at less than 100%, Bucky, you’re my right hand man.”

“K, I’ll write over dinner.” Bucky sent the Captain a grin. “But only cause your blond ass would be lost without me.”

“Truth.” Steve nodded, and motioned for him to hurry up. “Now come on.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

**To: Tony**

**–Valentine’s Day is just another day here. Some of the men on base try to keep up with the local girls, but I don’t. Cultural differences and all that. Plus with my assignments the best I could manage is a one night stand, and that doesn’t really go over well this side of the world with guys or girls.**

**–Why did I come back overseas? Because I’m a soldier, Tony, that’s what we do. Also because I didn’t really want to be home anymore.**

**–Alright, things about me. I am thirty. Dark hair, blue eyes. About six two, I guess.  I kind of have a beard kind of since we’ve been out on patrol for so long. Being in this unit means the rules are a lot more relaxed. They don’t care what we look like as long as we get the job done, you know?**

– **…And if it matters at all, I’ve been in the military since I was 18 and it shows, if you catch my meaning. Nobody ever complains when I get undressed at least. What about you? Tell me what you look like.**

**–So pain pills make you flirty and sexual? Is that all it takes? I’ll start mailing you some with each letter to keep things interesting.**

**–A phone doesn’t really work where I am, unless it’s a sat phone and I don’t have one, any calls that come through for me are routed through our squadron’s CO and down to me.**

**–Letters will work. It’s kind of nice to physically write something instead of tapping on a keyboard. Feels more personal I guess. Intimate, right? I dunno, having to search for a pen and a quiet spot to write and all that makes it seem like a bigger deal then just sending off an email.**

**–You don’t really have to say anything when you write, Tony. just whatever. Tell me about your room, or about your annoying nurse or your favorite color. I don’t care. Stop crossing shit out though. Or at least only cross it out once instead of scribbling at it. I want to know what goes through your head. All of it. Even the stuff you consider in bad taste. I mean, I’m a soldier. It’s not like you’re going to shock me.**

**–I am safe today. We all are**

**–Write me back**

_********************** _

_******************_

_To: James Buchanan Barnes_

_–Why didn’t you want to go home? Where is home for you? How are three consecutive tours overseas better than being home?_

_–I feel like you are just shockingly understanding about how hard this whole thing is for me and I don’t get why. I’m not complaining, I just don’t get it. Most people act like the power of positive thinking will get me through and I seriously thought that was bullshit until we started talking._

_–At the risk of sounding sappy I really_ _**do** _ _think this is helping. At least now I have something to look forward to every day? I know its must take weeks to get to you and weeks for you to write back but now when the mail comes I’m at least hoping for something other than some outrageous hospital bill. And there is something therapeutic about hand writing letters. I am starting to enjoy it, or at least I’m enjoying hearing from you, so— yeah. Take that however way you want._

_–If you send me more pain pills they WILL have to put me in a drug rehab. I’m already only taking half doses. And for the record it doesn’t take pain pills to make me flirty. Comes along with the good looks and money, honey._

_–By the way, tall dark and handsome absolutely does it for me, so I can say you’d at least hold my attention for a night and most of the next morning._

_–that seemed rude after I wrote it but I’m trying not to cross stuff out so there you go._

_–Stay safe ok_

_Tony_

*****************

*********************

**To: Tony**

**–I didn’t want to go home because all that’s back there is bad memories. A crowded house. A neighborhood that I wanted to escape. Memories of being poor. My Captain and I actually grew up on the same street, and when we saw the chance to get out, we ran and haven’t looked back. Brooklyn is only romantic in the musicals, in real life it sort of sucks.**

**–Of course I’m trying to be understanding of what you’re going through, Tony. I haven’t ever had an accident like yours, but being a soldier comes with it’s own set of experiences, you know? Besides isn’t the whole point of the penpal program to help you work through some of this stuff? What kind of pen pal  would I be if I wasn’t at least sympathetic? I’m glad you think it’s helping, thought. I know getting letters from you is something I look forward to.**

**–Fine I won’t send you more pills, but keep taking yours, I kind of like what they do to you. In fact pop one right now and tell me about these good looks of yours. Inspire me and I’ll send you some ~~poetry~~  wall paper.**

**–I’m safe, we all are**

**–write me back**

************************

************************

_To: James Buchanan Barnes_

_–I think we have lived opposite lives. My house has been too empty my entire life, and yours was full. I have good memories of growing up, even if my parents were gone a lot. But let’s be real, all of New York is romantic in the musicals, and all of it sucks in real life. Right now I’m in Manhattan, but I have a place California too. Are you and your Captain still good friends? How did you ever end up in the same special unit? Sounds like a conspiracy to me, soldier._

_–_ _**trust me** _ _when I say I appreciate your letters. Gives me something to smile about, something to look forward too._

_–I was kind of joking about my good looks. You’re taller than me by at least four or five inches, so no standing directly next to me ok? My ego can’t handle being that much shorter than you. Dark hair and I wear it spiky because when i was twelve someone told me it made me look like a punk and…well I was a total punk. Probably still am. They just stop saying things like that after you turn 35._

_–Oh yeah, I’m a little older than you._ ~~_Don’t get any thoughts a_ ~~ ~~_bout a sugar daddy though–_ ~~ _good Christ I can’t believe I just wrote that, do not judge me by my letters, I’m much more put together in person._

_–Is it weird that we are kind of flirting? Or is it too late to ask that? Is it weirder that we never had the “are you gay” talk before we started dropping sexual innuendos? For the record… it’s fine. It’s nice. I like it. I like you, as much as I can over a letter. This is like a note in third grade: do you like me? Check yes or no._

_–How long does it take to get a letter there? Sometimes it seems_   _like i get a response within a couple weeks, other times closer to a month. Not that I’m counting the days or whatever. Because I’m not, I swear._

_–stay safe soldier boy_

********************

********************

“How does your arm feel Tony?” the doctor asked, eyeing the limb critically. “We had to do some fairly impressive reconstruction there.”

“Still hurts.” Tony rotated his left wrist slowly, wincing when it sent sharp pains up to his elbow. “But not terribly. I can live with it.”

“It’s impressive you can move it at all.” the doctor admitted. “I was really concerned about you regaining function. Ribs seem to be healing nicely as well. Now lay back, let me take a look at your chest.”

Tony lay back flat and tried not to breathe as a nurse began helping peel the bandages off.

The extensive bruising had finally faded, and now all that was left was rows of stitches keeping his skin together over his nearly shattered sternum. Fresh scars from where they had had to pull pieces of glass and fiberglass littered his chest, trailing over towards his heart, and the long, jagged red line where a piece of windshield had nearly punctured a lung looked just…

Tony swallowed hard and dropped his head back onto his pillow.

He was a  _mess_.

“I look like a disaster.” he said, putting an arm over his eyes so no one would see the tears. “ _Frankenstein_  was pieced together better than this.”

“Now, Tony.” the doctor said comfortingly. “You didn’t lose any limbs, and we don’t see any long lasting heart damage from having to bring you back twice. All of your scars, besides the few where we put pins in your forearm will be covered by a tank top, and a long sleeve will take care of the rest. How is your physical therapy going?”

“As well as can be expected.” Tony flinched when they started re-bandaging his chest, the pressure of all the gauze and padding making it difficult to draw a full breath. “I can walk comfortably now, other than the shortness of breath it’s fine.”

“You should be able to work on strength training here soon to get your arm back to where it needs to be” The doctor made a few notes on his chart. “And after the stitches come out of your chest you can be released home. We just have to make sure your sternum stays strong. A healthy diet and moderate exercise will bring your heart back to full power very soon, and a few years from now, this will all be some vague memory, alright?”

“Right. A vague memory. Thank you.” Tony sat back up, rebuttoning the few buttons on his shirt he could. “Really doc, thank you. I know you worked a miracle on me.”

“It’s my pleasure Tony. I’ll check in again at the end of the week”

Tony waited until both the doctor and nurse had left the room before reaching for the letter lying unopened on his nightstand.

*******************

**To: Tony**

– **So is your house empty now? No one lives with you?** **stepmother? Faithful butler? Evil twin? Don’t you get lonely?**

**–I think it takes around two weeks for me to get a letter. But if I am gone on a rotation I am off base for weeks at a time, usually three weeks, sometimes closer to six, it just depends. I write you back the day I receive your letter though, if that matters at all.**

**–I could handle California. Do you surf? Or just lay around like a bum? I’d be down for either. Sunshine and ice cream and you know… pretty people showing a lot of skin? Down for it.**

**–You remember I said Steve and I grew up together and joined the army together? Well when he was selected to head a special ops group, he got to hand pick a few of his men, and he chose me to go with him. We keep each other right, keep each other safe. He’s always got my back, and I’ve always got his.**

**–When we were younger he was scrawny so I was the muscle and now that we are both big guys he thinks its funny to try and beat me up. It doesn’t usually work, but I’ve got a few scars from him I guess. He’s still just a punk ass kid with a smart mouth, though.**

**–It don’t matter if you’re shorter than me, Tony. I’d still stand right up against ya anyhow. Marking my territory and all that. You sound cute as hell. I could just pick you up and carry you around with me. What color eyes do you have? I bet they’re puppy dog brown.**

**–Is it weird to flirt with me? I can dial it back. I’m pretty bad about it apparently. Steve always tells me I’ll flirt with anything with two legs, and then I met a girl with one leg and proved him absolutely wrong. He’s a good guy you would like him.**

**–I like you too Tony. You didn’t leave any boxes to check but if you had I’d be checking yes.**

**– I’m heading out on rotation, but I’m safe, we all are**

**–write me back Tony**

**PS. my friends call me Bucky, so call me Bucky. James is too formal. Reminds me of being in trouble at school or church.**

**********************

**********************

_To:_ ~~_James Buchanan Barnes_ ~~ _.  Bucky_

_–I have literally never surfed in my life, but we could give it a shot. Come to California and we can do… you know, whatever surfer guys say when they hang out. Surf, party, smoke. Still got some years before I turn forty and boring so it should be fun._

_–You and Steve just friends? Can I ask that? Do you like him like you like me? Did I just sound like a teenage girl? Yikes._

_–My eyes are just brown. Just dark brown.  Not a big deal. But thanks for the cute comment, I think it’s been twenty years since someone called me that._

_–I feel like it’s unfair to tell me you’d mark me as your territory, and then say that you can dial things back. Pick a side soldier. You either want to mark your territory or watch from a distance. You either like me or you don’t. Have I mentioned I’m kind of an asshole when I’m not drugged up? At least that’s what my assistant Pepper says. She is equal parts lovely and terrifying and I wouldn’t make it more than two hours without her, I swear._

_–really? A girl with one leg? Please tell me about ;that. Actually please tell me you didn’t sleep with her_ ~~_because I feel like I’d be jealous which might be_ ~~ _whoops, look at me crossing shit out again. Ignore that. Blame it on the pain pills._

_–Stay safe_

_***************_

_To: Bucky_

_–I know it hasn’t been two weeks yet so you haven’t even got the first one, but I have news._

_–My too happy nurse Patricia is pregnant and I feel like it’s the physical therapists kid. In fact I’m almost positive it is, because I have seen them doing “physical therapy” a few times when I take walks late at night, and let’s just say, those particular exercises weren’t included in MY pamphlet of what this rehab facility offered._

_–Juicy right? Or maybe it’s not, but I’ve been in this damn hospice long enough all that entertains me is TMZ level gossip._

_–Save me from this boredom.  Write me back._

_–Stay safe_

_******************_

_To: Bucky_

_–So no more casts officially. My left arm is back working pretty much like new. Technology is amazing. Ribs are unbandaged and I can breathe all by myself. It’s exciting. Not really exciting but then again that’s how boring my life has become._

_–Waiting for stitches to come out of the sternum then I can go home. Sounds like just another week and I’m good to go._

_–should I be worried that you haven’t told me if you and Steve are just friends or not? Is it weird that I’m kind of possessive about my pen pal? Yeah that’s weird. I kind of wish i hadn’t written that._

_–write me back soldier_

_–stay safe._

_********************_

_To: Bucky_

_–I haven’t heard back from you yet. You must be on one of those long rotations? Or I made things awkward right? Sorry about that. Social niceties aren’t really my thing. In fact when I’m off all the drugs I’m kind of an asshole. I said that already but I’m reiterating so you know what you’re getting into. Fair warning._

_–Nurse Patricia has the worst morning sickness. But she still smiles afterwards. It’s unnatural. I don’t see how women do that crap. No wonder my mom only had me._

_–Be safe soldier_

_Tony_

_****************_

_To: Bucky_

_–are you safe, Bucky? I’m worried and I hate that. Write back please_

_******************_

_To: James Buchanan Barnes_

_–yeah I used your full name_

_-I’m gonna do something drastic if I don’t hear back from you soon. It’s been over two months_ ~~_and I’m going crazy_ ~~


	3. Chapter 3

“Excuse me, Master Sergeant Barnes.” The young soldier snapped a salute and Bucky tried not to laugh at the formality.

“Soldier, don’t bother with a salute, I look like I came out of a two week stint in a pigsty, and smell just as good. What’s the problem? I can’t even get a shower in before someone needs me?”

“Sorry sir, but there is a phone call for you.”

“A phone call?” Bucky shot Steve a look, and the big blond just shrugged. “Ok. Five minutes. In the main hall?”

“No sir. In General Ash’s office. And you are requested immediately. General Ash’s time is limited and he would like me to emphasize how big of a favor this is and how he would appreciate you concluding your phone call in a timely manner.”

“General Ash– son who exactly is the phone call from?” Steve broke in, and the soldier straightened up with another salute.

“Captain Rogers sir, I have no knowledge of that. I was just instructed to deliver the message.”

“Thank you.” Steve released him with a salute of his own, and the soldier turned on his heel and marched away. “Bucky who do you know who could be calling through General Ash’s private line?”

“Hell if know, Cap. Damn, you know I barely miss base when we are gone.” Bucky sighed, rubbing a weary hand over his face. “Protocol and orders and enough saluting to make me want to–”

“Don’t.” Steve shook his head. “It’s easy to forget when we are out there doing what we do, but we are all still soldiers under a flag. Protocol and salutes are just part of it. You signed up, now don’t complain. Now go answer the phone. It could be your family.”

“Yes sir.” Bucky rolled his eyes at his Captain, his best friend, and tossed him a half hearted salute. “You know if I knew you were such a stickler for protocol I wouldn’t have joined the squad with you.”

“Whatever.” Steve laughed, “You knew how I was back when we played ball down at the park and I would kick you off the team for fouling another player.”

“Yeah you were a stick in the mud then and you’re a stick in the mud now.”

“Yeah, but now I’m a dangerous stick in the mud, so you have to listen.” Steve punched his shoulder good naturedly and walked off.

Bucky hurried towards the general’s office, stripping off his filthy jacket and trying to wipe his face and hands clean of muck as he went.

The pretty secretary at the desk waved him through the open office door and Bucky jogged through it, dropping into the wheeled chair with a sigh.

“This is Master Sergeant Barnes. Who’s calling?” He snapped, rubbing his eyes. If it was his family calling to ask for more money or to complain about something he might put the generals phone through the wall.

“Uh, Master Sergeant Barnes? James?” The voice on the other end sounded nervous and Bucky frowned.

“Yes. Who’s calling?”

“This is Tony. Um, you’re pen pal?”

*********************

Tony held his phone a little tighter against his ear when there was no response. Was this a bad idea? Was Bucky weirded out? Damn it, he shouldn’t have called. He should have just waited and accepted that Bucky probably didn’t want to talk to him and–

“ _Tony_.” The gruff voice dropped into something gentler, a Brooklyn accent coming through in a soft roll that made his stomach tighten a little. “What the  _hell_? How did you track me down?”

“I um, pulled some strings?” Tony tapped a pen on his desk nervously. “Got a phone call through to the General and asked him to let me know when you got back from your rotation.”

“You pulled some strings? With who?” Bucky asked incredulously, pressing the phone tighter against his ear. “With General Ash?  _How_?”

“I just know some people.” Tony said evasively. “So listen. Um, you never wrote me back. I wrote like three letters and you didn’t write back and I just…worried. So I called. I hope that’s alright. I just didn’t know what was going on.” He bit at his lip anxiously. “I um, realize that this might be crossing a line, but I’ve never been real great at respecting boundaries.”

“You were worried huh? That’s sweet, Tony.” Bucky ran a hand through his longish hair.  _Ugh_ , it was time for a cut.

“Sorry about the letters, I just barely made it back to base from a long rotation. Haven’t even showered yet. Haven’t checked my mail either, or I would be writing you back  _right_ this minute, I promise.”

Bucky hesitated, lips twitching into a smile. “Even though, I got to say hearing your voice sure is nice. I’m sure glad you called. Can’t tell you how glad I am to hear from you. This is definitely the best part of my day, Tony, thank you.”

Tony closed his eyes, shivering when a ripple of  _interest_  wound through him when Bucky said his name. “Say, um, James I was–”

“It’s just Bucky, remember?” He interrupted. “Only my mother calls me James. Friends call me Bucky, and I  _definitely_ want you to call me Bucky.

“Right. Sorry, I'm…”  Tony cursed himself silently for not being able to string together more than a few words at a time. “Sorry, usually I never stop talking but I’m finding myself a little… stuck for words right now.”

“It’s alright, honey.” Bucky said, trying not to smile at the thought of Tony, speechless just from a short phone call.

“So what’s up?” Bucky prompted when Tony was quiet for a minute. “What’s the real reason for this call? I’m not complaining, not at all, but you know. This  _is_ kind of odd. And I have a General who will be pissed as hell if I spend too much time lingering in his office.”

Tony took a quick breath before blurting, “I just wanted to know if you were safe! It’s been a couple months and I haven’t heard anything from you. And like I said, I know this is probably crossing some sort of boundary but–”

“No, no no boundary crossed.” Bucky assured him. “I’m safe, Tony. We all made it home safe. It was just routine rotation, but longer than usual. That’s all. Nothing to be anxious about.” Bucky tried not to smile so big over the thought of Tony being worried about him… but it  _was_  pretty sweet.

“I’m really, really glad.” Tony breathed a sigh of relief. “That’s– yeah. That’s great.”

They were quiet for a minute, just listening to each other breathe on the other end, and Tony brought it up with a little laugh, “Does this seem weird? How relaxed I am just…sitting here like this? Is it the same for you?”

“This is the most relaxed I’ve been in weeks.” Bucky admitted. “It means a lot to me that you would–” he cleared his throat and decided to say something else.

“Does is bother you?” He asked, so quietly Tony almost didn’t hear it. “Does any of this…bother you? Letters and what we say and… anything like that?”

“It…absolutely doesn’t. Absolutely not. Not bothered at all. In fact I couldn’t be  _less_ bothered.” Tony said quickly. “Nope. I’m uh– I’m good, you know? If you’re good with all this, then I definitely am too.”

“Glad to hear it.” Bucky replied, and Tony could hear the grin in his voice. “But listen, sweet thing, I really hate to cut this short but–”

“Sweet thing?” Tony echoed. “Is that what you just called me? What am I, a snack?’

Bucky laughed, sounding relieved, and happy and  _exhausted_  all at the same time. “Tony, I bet you are sweet as a snack, but really, I have to go. I desperately need a shower, and  _apparently_ I have a stack of mail to read, and the General will lose his mind if I take up his office for much longer and trust me, I don’t want to be on his bad side.”

“Okay.” Tony sighed reluctantly. “Yeah, um you probably do need a shower. And maybe avoid the pissy General. Good idea. And yeah, definitely go read your mail. You’ve got a lot of it.”

“I’ll send you something today.” Bucky promised. “Will you write me back, Tony?”

“I always do.” Tony said quietly, then, “Oh. The name is fine by the way. Whatever you want to call me. It's… fine.”

Bucky grinned into the phone, letting his voice drop low and easy, his accent coming in  _thick_. “Sure thing, sweet thing.”

************************

Freshly showered, fed, and laying across his bunk, Bucky sorted through the stack of letters from Tony, grinning because he had  _si_ _x_ new ones to add to his pile.

After the phone call, he could re read all the letters and hear Tony’s voice in his head and he couldn’t stop smiling about it.

“Your girl write you?” Steve dropped onto the bunk across from him, and raised an eyebrow. “Wow, did  _multiple_ girls write you? Damn, Buck. Save some for the rest of us, ya know? Can’t be trappin’ all the pretty ones for yourself.”

“Uh, it’s a guy actually.” Bucky said slowly, looking up at his best friend cautiously. “Tony. He got my name in that pen pal program. We’ve been writing since January,  and um, well it was him on the phone earlier. Calling to check on me because it’s been a couple months since I wrote back. So yeah, um it's… a guy. Now.”

Steve looked away, then back with one of the biggest grins Bucky had ever seen cross his face. “Bucky that is…  _dammit_  Buck, that is so great. That is so GREAT!”

Steve folded his arms to keep from reaching over and hugging his friend, but he didn’t stop smiling.

Growing up in their neighborhood hadn’t been easy, and even though Bucky had known for a long time that he was more interested in boys than girls, he and Steve had both known to keep that a secret.

Bucky had never officially dated anyone, but he ran around with Steve and whistled at the pretty ladies, and was always seen with a girl on his arm just to avoid any questions.

It had been hard on him to hide that piece of himself, and hard on Steve to watch, knowing his closest friend was always lonely, knowing that Bucky only ever smiled for show when a girl stood on her toes to kiss him.

The military wasn’t all that much better than their neighborhood, even with same-sex marriage being legalized. It was still hard for some people to accept anyone in the LGBT community at all, much less in the army, and Steve could only imagine what Bucky went through every  _single_ day.

That’s why he always joked about Bucky having a girlfriend whenever they were in public, and really even when it was just them. Less questions that way. Less questions, less chances to see that sad look in Bucky’s eyes, easier for them to brush it off and move on.

But Steve had always known where Bucky’s heart really lay, and apparently this pen pal thing was giving him exactly what he had needed for so long.

“Bucky.” Steve ran his hand through his hair and shook his head. “Man I know you’ve been waiting for something like this for–”

“Yeah.” Bucky interrupted, knowing what Steve was going to say, and not able to keep the grin from his own face. “It’s pretty great. Nothing serious yet, but–”

“But it's  _something_.” his friend replied firmly. “And that’s great. It’s more than we used to think you’d have, right? Back growing up?”

“Yeah. It…it really is.” Bucky reached for his notebook. “Not to kick you out or nothing, Stevie but I’m gonna write him back right now.”

“I’ll head out.” Steve got up to give him some privacy, but paused as he stepped through the door. “Happy for you, Buck. You got a real dumb smile on your face right now and it’s just  _great_.”

“Get out Steve.” Bucky threw a boot at him, and rolled over onto his stomach to start writing.

*************************

**To: Tony**

**–I read all your letters, so sorry for making you worry. What was supposed to be a three or four week rotation turned into six weeks. I must have left right before your first letter got here, and then I was out for a month and a half you know?**

**–So in case you worry again…  my squad does three week rotations (usually) then I’m on base for about ten days before going out again. So if we time the letters right, I’m back in time to get one and to write you back real quick,  otherwise it could be a month or more before you get a response again.**

**–Steve and I are absolutely not together. Never have been. Neither one of us are the least bit interested in the other. His neck nearly breaks every time a pretty dame walks by, and one time he decked a guy who squeezed his ass, but he’s never had a problem with me. Never outed me growing up or to any of the other soldiers. We go chasing tail together and if anybody notices he’s the only one who takes a girl around back, well no one says anything.**

**–By the way,  you did**   **sound like a teenage girl asking that, but it was adorable as hell.**

**–I’m glad your recovery is going so well. I’m sure you’ll be glad to get home and out of the rehab center. What’s home like for you? Big place? Small and cozy? You don’t like New York? Other than my old neighborhood, I sort of love the city. If you stand still long enough it’s like you can hear it breathe, you know? There’s always a new place to go, always something else to see. And there’s always something to do. Not like here. When I can’t write you or I’m not on rotation I’m just bored.**

**–I changed my mind. Now I don’t know if we’d surf if I visited you out in California. I feel like there’s way more interesting things you and I could be doing than letting the waves make us their bitch. Things that specifically include very little clothing.**

**–How’s that for picking a side? No more dialing it back since we both are on the same page, yeah? I checked the ‘yes I like you box’ so we’re good now? I’ll make you a deal, you say whatever you want to me, stop crossing things out, and I see how hard I can make you blush via letters. I feel like that’s a win win.**

**–Should it worry me that you have enough pull to get a call in through the General? Because it kind of does. More worrying is that I kind of love that you have that kind of clout. Didn’t think I had a thing for guys with power but you are changing my mind pretty quick. I’m not worried about you being an asshole. I can be pretty terrifying myself when the mood strikes.**

**– I think your phone call is just about the best part of these last six months. It was so good to hear your voice. I never really thought about how you would sound, and it’s crazy how much I like it. Sat and re-read all your letters just so I could hear them in your voice and its amazing, Tony. Amazing.**

**–write me back sweet thing**

*******************

_*******************_

_To: Bucky_

_–Is it rude to say I’m relieved that you two aren’t together? He_   _sounds solid, I feel like I could buy him a beer just because you say he’s good. And not outing you, that’s big. Not something I really have to worry about on my end, so I can’t imagine how hard it would be for you. Glad you have a buddy like Steve to get your back. Glad Steve is_ _ **just**_ _a buddy. By the way, I’m kind of petty. Fair warning._

_–I’ve been home for a week and a half now, and all I keep thinking is how quiet it is. Minus my overly happy nurse, I kind of miss all the noise of the rehab center. Even when it was quiet there was still something going on._

_–Home is… big. I live on a top floor, so I never even hear other people in the building. Too big for just me, but I’d never settle for anything smaller. I’m more of a go big or go home kind of guy. You got a place of your own when you’re in the states? Or just barracks._

_–yeah, I like to think we are on the same page now. I like you, you like me._ ~~_I feel like we could really_ ~~

_–And if we are talking about voices… I certainly don’t doubt that you are from Brooklyn anymore. It’s nice it’s like… honey or something._ ~~ _Licorice maybe. Can a voice  be like_~~ ~~ _licorice_~~ _?_   _I know you said no crossing out but that was pretty stupid so yeah. Crossing it out._

_–I feel like letters shouldn’t make me embarrassed or blush or whatever. I’m not usually the blushing type, or at least I don’t think so but I’m not going to complain if you want to try. Hit me with your best shot soldier._

_–Don’t worry about who I know to call the General. Just you know, be glad you know me cause I’m a good person to know. I think between the two of us I would be the one with the power kink right? You answered the phone Master Sergeant Barnes and I almost fainted._

_–Is that girly? I don’t really care._

_–if you call me sweet thing what am I supposed to call you?_

_–be safe_

_*****************_

*********************

**To: Tony**

**–Sweet thing believe me when I say you can call me whatever you want.**

**–I told Steve about us writing and that you were who called me and he just lit the fuck up. He was so excited about it. I told him it’s not like we’re going steady or whatever, but he’s known me my whole life you know? Watched me never have anyone and I think he’s just happy I know you now, even if it’s just a few letters and a phone call.**

**–I’ve always just lived at the barracks. No sense owning a place when I’m gone for most of a year at a time. Your house does sound lonely. You should get a dog. Like a cocker spaniel or a Great Dane. Something. I don’t know. Do you like dogs?**

– **my voice is like honey? I think I like the licorice thing better. Even though honey reminds me of that old song ‘pour some sugar on me’ and I like that.**

**–Tell me Tony. Are you a screamer? You sound so smooth over the phone I think; I’d love to hear you scream. We should try it some time. I’ll say things in my Master Sergeant voice and you tell me when you’re close.**

**–I just barely got this in time, heading out on a rotation as we speak, gonna drop this off on my way.**

– **I’m being safe don’t worry**

**–I feel like i miss you, is that crazy?**

**–Meh. I don’t care if it’s crazy.**

**–Write me back, Tony.**

************************

_********************_

_To: Bucky_

_–Pour some sugar on me indeed. I’m almost positive no good music was made after the eighties so I love that reference. I said licorice because I like dark licorice and your voice brought that taste and texture to mind._ ~~_Like thick and sweet_ ~~

_-I wouldn’t say I’m a screamer. It’s been a while though, with the accident and all. I’m usually the one_ trying  _to get a scream out of someone if you know what I mean. Is that an issue? You seem like the one to be making people scream too. We might have to flip for positions. (See what I did there?) the voice thing could be fun though. We could try. I’m not usually a submissive type but I think I’d be all about your master sergeant persona._

_–I thought about a dog, but I travel a lot and that’s rough on everybody, especially four legged kids right? And while I’m secure enough in my manhood, carrying a tiny dog around in a purse is pushing it for me. And Great Danes… are you kidding me? I’m only five nine remember? I don’t want a dog that can look me in the eye._

_–I’m glad Steve is on board with…this. Whatever we are.  Can we even say we are going steady if all we’ve done is write each other? Also, are you from the forties? Who even says going steady anymore?_

_–Rotation makes me nervous. I get it, it’s your job but I hate it. Not even really sure what it means and I hate it. I just worry until I get another letter from you and that’s such a bitch._

_–Stay safe Bucky bear. Bucky baby. Baby buckeroo._

_–I will be calling you one of those three nicknames from now on. Deal with it._

_PS. I feel like I miss you too_


	4. Chapter 4

Bucky was just picking up his notepad to start writing a reply to Tony when the door to his room swung open and an officer stepped through.

“Master Sergeant Barnes.”

“Captain Malcolm.” He jumped to his feet and saluted sharply.

Steve had lectured him about keeping with protocols and he had grudgingly agreed. Wouldn’t do him any good to to make anyone mad, since they all had to live together, right?

“Bucky.” Captain Malcolm  smiled. He and Bucky had been friends for several years now, spending their first tour together. He was on the other side of the huge base most of the time, and with Bucky’s position in the black ops team, they rarely saw each other.

“You have a phone call in my office.”

“Really.” Bucky folded his arms, trying not to smile. “And who is the phone call from?”

He knew  _exactly_ who it would be from.

“Not my place to say, really.” Malcolm shrugged. “I had an old acquaintance call in a favor, and that’s all I needed to know. So if you would follow me, I’ll get you set up.”

Bucky grabbed his jacket and followed the Captain out the door and into a jeep to take them across base. “So.” he said casually as they headed out. “Is this old acquaintance named  _Tony_?”

Malcolm looked faintly surprised. “Yes, actually. Asked me if I’d look you up and connect him. I have to say, Barnes. If you don’t already know, Tony is a  _good_  man to know. Owing him a favor is not a bad thing. In fact, knowing him could damn well get you that promotion you’ve been after.”

Bucky raised his eyebrows but didn’t answer, wondering how knowing  _Tony_ would get him a promotion, and wondering how the hell he’d managed to get another phone call through.

“I can give you about forty five minutes then I need my office back.” Malcolm said with a quick glance at his watch and Bucky shook his hand with a short nod.

Then he marched into the Captain’s office to pick up the phone, and in his sternest voice possible, snapped, “This is Master Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. Tell me your name and the reason behind this call  _immediately_.”

A big gush of air from the other end of the line, and then Tony said weakly, “Master Sergeant James– good Christ. Oh man, it is something else all together to hear you talk like that.”

The words came out all in a rush, Tony sounding like he was fighting for breath, and Bucky laughed over it, leaning back in the chair with a satisfied grin.

“Tony. Tell me what the Captain owes you that you can requisition his office for a private phone call.”

“Um, I might tell you if you use that voice again?” Tony squeaked, still having a hard time gathering himself. “Bucky, how have you not been jumped and dragged off somewhere for naked times, that is _ridiculous_.”

“I’m a little too big for the jump and drag maneuver, Tony.”  Bucky chuckled and sitting in his front room, Tony sighed and relaxed further into his couch.

“Well, how was your rotation?” He asked, staring up at his ceiling. “I was trying to time this right so I caught you on base.”

“You timed it perfect.” Bucky assured him. “I’ve only been back for a day. In fact I was getting ready to write you when I was  _summoned_   _across base_ for this phone call.”;

“Hey I didn't  _summon–_ ” Bucky’s laughter interrupted his retort, and Tony just shook his head. “Anyway, how are you?”

“Doing just fine, sweet thing.” Bucky’s voice softened. “It’s real good to hear from you. I wasn’t sure if we’d ever really get to do this again. Not with my schedule and the time difference and all that. We’ve got to be eight or nine hours apart huh?”

“Yeah, it’s pushing midnight here.”

“And you’re still awake?”

“I’m a night owl. Didn’t sleep much before my accident and I think I sleep even less now.”

“You know, they say sleeping with someone cures insomnia.” Bucky said slyly. “Have you read that news article, yet?”

Tony laughed.“Guess I better go find someone to sleep with then, huh? I’m sure there’s some people willing and ready for that sort of activity here in my building. Could be nice. Ease of access and all that.”

“Don’t you dare, Tony.” Bucky threatened. “Don’t even think about that sort of thing!”

“Hmm I think I like the dangerous sounding Master Sergeant. What would you do if I went and found someone to share my bed?” Tony teased, shivering through a jolt of  _want_  over the danger in Bucky’s tone and Bucky mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like ‘kill the bastard’.

“Aw don’t be grumpy now!” He couldn’t help laughing. “Just talk to me. I didn’t call in a favor just for you to be irritated over the phone.”

“Yeah well, maybe you shouldn’t say shit like that over the phone.” Bucky snarked, but he was smiling anyway. “Can’t rile a soldier up and then expect us to–” his voice trailed off as a thought occurred to him.

“Tony.” He asked slowly. “Do you want me to help you get some sleep?”

Tony sat up, holding the phone a little tighter.“What? What do you mean?”

“Go get in bed.” Bucky suggested, warming to the idea quickly.  _Oh this could be fun_. “Let me know when you get up there.”

“I-I–wait what?” Tony was confused. “No, I don’t want to sleep I wanted to talk–”

“Go get your ass in bed Tony.” Bucky’s voice lowered and Tony was standing before he even realized it.

“Okay it’s going to take a minute.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Bucky promised. “Just tell me when you’re naked and settled. You said we could try to make you scream so let’s go. I want you naked, and sprawled out in bed.  _Now_.” Bucky grinned to himself, thinking about how flustered Tony would be at the command.

“Naked and-and–oh  _shit.”_ A loud clatter and Tony cursing in the background. “I dropped my phone.” He explained a minute later, sounding adorably sheepish, and Bucky bit his tongue so he wouldn’t laugh. Nothing ruined a good mood like laughing at the wrong moment.

“Okay I made it.” Another minute later, Tony sounding a little out of breath. “I made it to my room.”

“Are ya naked though?” Bucky pressed.

Tony swallowed hard and put his phone on speaker next to him on his pillow. “Yeah. Yeah. Definitely naked.”

“Mmm that’s good, Tony.” Bucky murmured. “Now, tell me what your room looks like.

“Okay.” Tony wet his lips a little anxiously. “Okay um, my room is huge. I have floor to ceiling windows and a balcony. I can see most of the city skyline from my bed.”

“How big is your bed?” Bucky prompted, stretching the phone cord as far as he could to make sure the office door was locked.

“King size. I sleep with about a thousand pillows.”

“That seems like an awfully lonely bed when it’s just you, Tony. Is that why you have so many pillows? You’d only need one if I was in bed with you.”

“Yeah well if you were in bed with me I’d just sleep on you.” Tony mumbled, inching further between the covers, spreading his legs to get more comfortable, one hand tapping against his thigh, knowing what was coming, and nervous as hell. “Wouldn’t need a pillow at all.”

“Oh, sweet thing.” Bucky leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. “That’s fucking  _right_ you’d just sleep on me. Keep going. Tell me what you look like. Start with your hair and work your way down.”

“Sure.” Tony cleared his throat, wondering how on earth to make his hair sound sexy. “My hair is—well, it’s messy right now, I worked all day and all the gel I usually keep in it has worn off. So just messy… and soft I guess.” A second of hesitation, then a soft, “You could play with it real easy, if you wanted.”

“Mm-hmm. I love that idea. Love playing with your hair, Tony. Now keep going.” Bucky instructed as he unzipped his cargo pants, easing a hand into his shorts.

“I’m pale from so long inside recovering.” Tony frowned down at his skin. “Like, really pale. I bet you’re super tan over there and our skin would look–”

“–so good next to each other.” Bucky finished for him. “Like light and dark. Day and night. Opposite but so beautiful. I can’t wait to put my hands on you and see it for myself.”

“Exactly.” Tony breathed, and started inching his fingers towards his cock. The soldier’s voice hadn’t even dropped into that almost scary sergeant mode, and Tony was already rock hard, impatient to get going because it had been months since he had even been able to do this by himself, beyond keyed up that it was  _Bucky_  talking him through this. “Um, my chest–”

“Wait. Wait, Tony. Put your fingers at the base of your neck and tell me what you feel.” Bucky cut in, and Tony obeyed, curiously.

“  _Oh.”_ His voice trembled a little. “My pulse is  _out of control_.” His cock jumped as a frisson of heat skittered through his body. “Holy–.”

“Mine, too baby.” Bucky crooned and Tony’s pulse picked up even further. “Isn’t that good? Our hearts racing together? Keep talking to me, sweetheart.”

“My chest is covered in scars.” Tony touched the raised lines gingerly. “All over my heart, across my sternum, over my ribs. They’re rough, and raised still. I don’t think they’ll ever fade.”

“I’m gonna hold you down and get my mouth on every single one.” Bucky promised, and Tony nearly moaned. “I  _will_. My mouth and my tongue and my teeth over every single one, until you love them as much as I will because it means you’re  _alive_  Tony. That’s what they mean. So if they never fade, that’s fine. Just a reminder that you  _survived_  baby.”

Tony blinked past the sudden emotion clouding his eyes, his ratcheting arousal forgotten for just a second. “I think-think I’d love that. All of that. Christ, Bucky. I think–”

“I know, honey. Now keep going.” Bucky’s voice seemed gentler now. “Past the scars, and ribs, keep going.”

“Bucky.” it was nearly inaudible, and Bucky groaned low in his throat. “Ah  _shit_ , I am–”

“Tell me, Tony. Come on. Are you hard for me yet? Did the thought of my mouth on you turn you on?”

“Yes.” Tony whimpered, “I’m so ready, hearing you has got me so—”

“Me too, baby.” Bucky cut in, wanting to save Tony from having to say anything he wasn’t comfortable with yet. “So hard for you, Tony.” He gripped himself firmly and cursed out loud, knowing Tony would know  _exactly_ what he was doing.

“Do you have lube?” he reached for a bottle of lotion and squirted some into his hand. “Tony, got something to make it feel good?”

“Yeah.” Tony fumbled in his nightstand drawer. “Yeah, I got some.”

“Use lots of it. I want to hear how wet you are.” Bucky’s voice got a little stronger, and Tony tossed his head back as heat started pooling in his core.

“Okay, lots of it. Yeah.” he nearly ripped the lid off the bottle, and poured a puddle of it into his palm. “I’m– I’m ready.”

“Wrap your hand around your cock, Tony.” Bucky nearly purred the words. “Touch yourself for me. I want to hear you.”

“God damn it.” Tony held his length tight and pulled his soaked hand over it. “Oh  _god dammit_ Bucky.”

“Like that babe.” Bucky stroked himself a little faster. “ _God_ , that’s so good. Is it good, sweetheart?”

“Yes.  _Yes_. So good.” Tony grunted and Bucky could have come just from hearing the desire weighing the words down.

“Spread your legs.” He demanded, roughening his voice on purpose, sliding further into the chair, planting his booted feet far apart to make his movements easier. “I know they are already open, because you’re good like that, aren’t you?” He said like it was a dirty secret. “Feels good to be sprawled open on that big bed, doesn’t it?”

Tony moaned something unintelligible, and Bucky’s nodded in agreement.“Yeah, Tony, I know it does. I can only imagine how sexy you look right now, sugar, but open up  _farther_ for me. Just a little more, like you’re making room for me between them. Nice and wide baby, isn’t that nice?”

“ _Bucky_!” Tony’s voice rose sharply and Bucky gritted his teeth, slowed his hand, trying to stave off his own orgasm for just another minute.

“Faster now Tony. Harder. I want you to make yourself come.”

“I–I– oh  _fuck.”_ Tony kicked the blankets off, spreading his legs as wide as he could, one knee bent as he jerked himself roughly, head turned towards the phone so Bucky could hear every single breath and gasp. “I can’t believe I’m already close. Been so long for me–”

“Me too honey, I’m right there with you.” Bucky encouraged. “Been a long time for me too, and its so good that its with you this time, you know? No shame in coming fast, not when it’s just you and me, baby, not when it’s just us like this, come on.”

“Close–” Tony cried again. “Bucky–!”

“Just imagine me there.” Bucky closed his eyes and let the picture carry him away too. “Right there with you, Tony. Lying between your legs. Kissing all over all those scars. I'm  _big_ baby, can you feel me on top of you? Do you want me inside of you? I’d fill you up so good baby I  _promise_. Want to feel you stretch around me, you’d be so  _fucking_ tight. Oh god Tony, so tight around me. Hot and wet and  _fuck_  I’d fill you so good, baby, fill you till you were screaming, screaming my name– ah  _shitshitshit_ –Come for me, Tony. Right now.  **Right now!** ”

Bucky snapped the command like he was ordering the troops around, and it sent Tony right over the edge.

“  _Jesus_. Jesus Christ Bucky I–I–” Tony’s whole body arched as he came, wailing Bucky’s name as his cock jerked and spurt white all over his stomach, up to his chest, his fingers ripping at the sheets, white flashing behind his eyes as everything came to a peak–

–and then came crashing down.

“Fucking  _hell_ baby I can’t–can’t–” Tony’s voice slowed and softened, groaning through each wave of pleasure, hips still thrusting unconsciously, heart pounding out of control as he tried to come out of it.

“Bucky… Buckybuckybucky—”

“  _Tony.”_ Bucky pressed the phone against his ear hard and tried not to cry out through his own release, biting through his lip with the effort to keep quiet, cursing under his breath, panting, trying to keep himself together.  

When he finally came back to himself, Tony was still moaning into the phone, still gasping for air, and Bucky leaned forward to rest his head on the cool wood of the desk. “  _Tony_ honey that’s so good.”

He dropped his military voice and started murmuring soft, sweet things to his lover. “Oh sweet thing, that was so lovely. I can’t even believe how wonderful you sounded. Did that feel good? That was so good for me, babe.”

“So good.” Tony was nearly slurring as his long day coupled with a hard orgasm caught up with him. “ _Bucky_ …”

“I know.” Bucky nodded, closing his eyes and trying to see Tony lying in that big bed, sated and  _wrecked._ “I wish I could see how you look right now. You were…gorgeous. That was unbelievable.”

He still sounded a little shaky, and Tony smiled tiredly, relieved to know Bucky was just as affected as he was.

“This would be so much better if we could fall asleep together.” he murmured. “You know? The bed suddenly seems a whole lot bigger.”

“I know honey. Wish I was there too.” Bucky finally got his breathing steady enough for complete sentences. “Was that– was that good? Was it okay? How you doing? That was a big step for us. You alright?”

“S’wonderful.” Tony assured him over a shaky laugh. “But listen… now, now you have to tell all the other boys you’re officially off the market. Okay? Yeah? Make it fucking official.”

“Is that so? That’s all it took? A good orgasm over the phone and I have a boyfriend?” Bucky chuckled quietly and Tony grinned, rolling over in his bed to clumsily reach for his tissues for clean up.

“Soldier, you had a boyfriend months ago. I was just waiting for the right moment to tell you. Surprise. You have a boyfriend.”

“Oh my god, you’re fucking adorable.” Bucky whispered. “I can’t believe how good this was. Tony, you are amazing.”

“I can be pretty adorable.” Tony whispered right back. “But now I’m too exhausted to sit up and keep talking, which completely is your fault.”

“Looks like my master sergeant voice did it’s job then.” Bucky kept his tone soft. “Get some sleep, Tony. I’ll mail you a letter soon. Will you write me back?”

“I always do.” Tony said wearily, his breathing getting slow and heavy. “I always will, Bucky.”

“Sleep tight, sweet thing.”

***************************

**Tony**

**–I can’t get your voice out of my head. The way you sounded. The way you said my name like that. You’ve ruined me, sweetheart. I’m ruined.**

**–I told Steve I’m officially off the market and he just about climbed over a table to hug me. Big goon. If he ever gets within ten feet of you watch out, cause you have a giant hug coming as well.**

**–I included a sheet of wall paper for you. I hope it’s not too much. It seems odd to be so crazy about someone I’ve never seen but… well I don’t know what to say besides that.**

**–sorry this one is so short, but I spent too much time on the poem and now I’m late for PT.**

**–write me back Tony. I can’t wait to hear from you**

************************

**Haiku for Tony**

**I can hear your voice**

**Every time I close my eyes**

**Every time I sleep**

 

**Can almost feel you**

**Brushing up against my skin**

**Lying here with me**

 

**These miles apart**

**These days and nights between us**

**Too much between us**

 

**Call me home sweet heart**

**Call me home to lie with you**

**Call me to your side**

 

**Over all this sand**

**Over the tossing oceans**

**I will cross them all**

 

**Call me home Tony**

**And don’t doubt for a second**

**I won’t come running**


	5. Chapter 5

Tony read the poem at least a dozen times before refolding it and putting it back in his suit jacket pocket.

He hadn’t stopped smiling since the letter had been delivered that morning, hadn’t even left his desk yet. Couldn’t even think of what he wanted to say back to his soldier. In fact, Tony could barely string a thought together, so he just sat at his desk and grinned like a schoolgirl with her first crush.

It was kind of disgusting.

And he loved it.

“Tony!” Pepper snapped, sticking her lovely red head into his office for the eighth or ninth time in so many minutes. “You have a meeting RIGHT NOW. How many times– are you reading that letter again? Who is it from? What on earth?” She rubbed her forehead. “Look. I’m glad the pen pal program helped you through rehab, I am. Really. But you still have a company to run! So if you would just–”

“I’m coming!” Tony jumped up, waving his arms. “I’m coming. You know, Pepper I should just give the company to you. You care about it more than I do.”

“Don’t joke about that Tony.” She warned. “Remember the last time you joked about giving the company away? Stocks plummeted so fast you nearly went bankrupt until you managed to convince everyone it was a joke. It’s not funny.”

Tony stopped walking, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her soundly on the lips.“I’m not actually joking, this time Pepper. Let’s talk about it okay? Later. Apparently I can’t be late to this meeting or my lovely assistant will have my head. Or so I’ve heard.” With a quick wave of his hand and a thoroughly obnoxious wave, he disappeared into the boardroom.

Pepper only sighed and pulled out her compact to adjust her lipstick after the impromptu kiss.

Tony didn’t mean anything by it, of course he didn’t. They had crossed the line of normal employer/ employee interactions years ago and now they were more best friends than anything.

And they had tried the dating thing once, because it was fairly expected when a woman who looked like her worked for a man like Tony Stark.

So they had tried, and Tony had rolled his eyes some time during the second course and told her he wouldn’t sleep with her if she kept mothering him about eating right. Pepper had thrown her glass of wine at him and stalked right out of the restaurant with an apologetic smile to the hostess and took his car back to her house, forcing him to call a taxi.

The next morning she had a new diamond bracelet, and four dozen roses in her office, and a large “I’m sorry I’m an asshole” banner hanging above her desk.

Since then they had been friends as well as boss/employee, she making sure he was sober and present for meetings, and Tony– well he kept her in nice clothes and made sure she could afford her loft downtown. It worked.

Tony’s accident had nearly destroyed her. Looking at her boss, her friend, someone she loved, lying nearly in pieces on the operating table had almost broken her.

And watching them restart his heart not once, but  _twice_  had been the hardest thing she had ever seen.

Or it was the hardest thing she had ever seen until she had had to watch slip further and further into a depression, pushing away any attempts to cheer himself up, avoiding seeing anyone, sequestering himself in that rehab center so he wouldn’t be a bother to her or anyone else while he was recuperating.

It had devastating and worrying and heartbreaking–

–and then he had started the pen pal program, and seemed to get healthier nearly over nite. Now he spent his days reading letters and writing back and grinning like an idiot over it all and it was the happiest she had ever seen him.

And Pepper was so relieved to have  _Tony_  back that she almost didn’t care that he might be serious about giving her the company.

**********************

_Bucky_

_–I’ve spent three days trying to figure out what to say so I hope I didn’t mess up our time line and you’re gone when this shows up._

_–Poetry and pretty words aren’t my thing so all I’ll say is I will_ _**not** _ _be using your poem as wall paper. I will however make about a thousand copies and paste them all over my bedroom so I can read it from every angle whenever I’m in my bed._

_–On an unrelated note, I might not ever leave my bed again._

_–Whoever told you your poetry is awful is… well don’t ever let me meet them. I don’t think anyone has ever said anything even remotely close to that wonderful to me in my entire life. I just keep re-reading it and trying to imagine you reading it to me and– yeah. I’ve been basically useless for three days, and its your fault. (worth it)_

_–I broke down and looked you up online so I could see what you look like. I was trying to be an adult and avoid that until you actually sent me a picture but you know what they say about curiosity and cats? Also true about me. I couldn’t wait any longer._

_–Your enlistment picture is adorable by the way. 18 year old_   _Bucky is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. I would have wanted you back then too.(uhhh not in a creepy way. Yikes. Sometimes I go back and re-read these things and cringe)_

_–I will see how many more favors I can pull to get another phone call in. The last one worked so well I’d love to try again._

_–I miss you bucky bear_

_–be safe please_

_*******************_

***********************

**Tony,**

**–You liked the poem.**   ~~ **I was worried**~~ **I tend to get a little heavy when I write so I hoped it wasn’t too much. It’s not very often I want to write anymore, but you, sweet thing are about the most inspiring person in the world.**

**–My enlistment picture makes me look like a baby. And it’s completely unfair you looked me up when I have nothing to off with you. Not even your last name. What’s with that? I suppose I could tie Captain Malcolm up and demand answers but that sort of truth getting technique is frowned on in the military. Or at least it’s _publicly_  frowned on.**

**–Give me something, honey. A picture, a last name, just something else about you besides your first name, the fact that you somehow hold favors from important people and that you live in a giant house.**

**– Send me a picture baby. I can’t wait to see what you look like. I can’t get you out of my head Tony. It seems like all I do is read your letters and smile.**

**–I’m safe, always am. Steve has my back, and so does the rest of the unit. I’m safe.**

**–Write me back sweetheart. I can’t wait to hear from you**

*********************

**Tony**

**–I have some news.**

**–I’m up for R &R in just under two weeks. I am flying home to Brooklyn, but I really want to see you. Is that alright? Or are we strictly letters and phone calls? It’s fine, if that’s what you want, let me know.**

**–You should get this in time, and I’ll be home for ten days, so if you write me back or call the base with an answer someone will get ahold of me.**

**–Please please say yes Tony.**

**–Write me back**

***********************

_Master Sergeant Barnes_

_–This letter was returned as undelivered. Not sure why, the other one was delivered just fine. I hope you see this before you ship out for R &R_

_—-Corporal Coulson_


	6. Chapter 6

“Tony, are you in your office? You know I can’t get in when you lock the doors. You think I don’t know you stole my key, but I do, so either pick up your phone and tell me what to do with all these files, or unlock the door to your office so I can file them properly.”

Pepper left yet another frustrated voice mail, and sighed loudly. Tony had been MIA all day yesterday and half the day today, and she had about  _had_  it. His terrible habits were nothing new but it didn’t make them any less annoying.

“I swear, if that man doesn’t start acting his age and actually running this company, I might actually take it from him.” she muttered. “I don’t care if he’s writing a damn letter or not, I swear to God–”

“Excuse me ma’am.” the soft voice interrupted her rather vicious muttering. “I was wondering if you could help me?”

“Trust me when I say I’m too busy to talk to you.” Pepper snipped without looking up from her desk and the stack of files. “I don’t know how you made it past the security desk to even get this far but I cannot deal with any sort of unnecessary shenanig– oh. Oh  _my_.”

Perfectly composed and perfectly put together Pepper actually stuttered and stammered to a stop, staring up at the soldier in a smart dress uniform in front of her.

“Oh my.” She said again, standing quickly and smoothing her skirt down. “Can I help you?”

“Well, I sure hope so.” Bucky grinned down at her, laying on his charm about as thick as he could. “I am looking for Tony? And for some reason the lovely young lady down stairs directed me clear up here. I’m sure I must’ve heard her wrong, do you think you could point me in the right direction.”

“You’re looking for Tony.” Pepper repeated, unable to take her eyes away from the handsome soldier. “Tony Stark. You came here looking for– how do you know Tony, again? He usually doesn’t meet face to face with the military reps, and if he does it’s usually a general, but I can certainly call him for you and– why are you looking at me like that?”

Bucky knew his mouth was hanging open, eyes blinking foolishly at the pretty redhead, but he was having a hard time even drawing a breath right now.

_Stark._

_Tony Stark?_

_My Tony is Tony_ _**fucking** _ _Stark._

Something a lot like  _dread_  crawled up his spine, but he managed to force it down enough to smile politely at the woman behind the desk.

“Tony Stark. Stark. Yes. I suppose that  _is_ who I’m looking for. Is he in today? I didn’t have an appointment but I’m hoping he can make the time.”

“Is Tony in today.” Pepper raised her eyebrows. “That’s an excellent question and one I would like the answer to myself. If you would let me call him one more time–”

Her call went straight to voicemail, just like it had been doing all day, and Bucky watched curiously as the woman made a visible, concentrated effort to muffle whatever curse word she was no doubt repeating at full volume in her mind.

“Apologies, sir. It seems as if Mr. Stark has left the building without letting me know and–”

Her intercom buzzed then and Pepper clicked it on, trying to school her overly exasperated expression into something more benign before answering.

“Pepper.” Tony’s voice came over the line loud and clear and they both jumped. “I lose my phone for thirty minutes and you’ve called me thirty times. What the hell is going on?”

“Tony.” Pepper forced a smile. “Actually you’ve been ignoring my calls for a day and a half now, and–”

“And what? What could possibly be going on that you even need me? I signed about eight hundred documents on Tuesday and–”

“ _Tony_!” Pepper snapped, and Bucky’s eyes widened at her tone. She picked up the telephone and hissed quietly, “Stop being such an asshole!You have a visitor right now so get your butt out here and for the love of god be presentable or so help me god, I will quit. You know I will.”

Tony must have answered something good, because Pepper put the phone down and smiled congenially at Bucky.

“You will have to forgive him.” She said smoothly. “Some days are harder than others, with him still recovering from his accident. Thankfully he’s the type of employer that allows a little back talk from his employees. Please sit down, Mr–?”

“Barnes, ma’am.” Bucky tipped his head to her. “Master Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.”

“Master Sergeant Barnes, if you would–” Pepper tilted her head. “ _Barnes_. You’re his pen pal.”

“Some days, yes ma'am.”

“You didn’t know.” Pepper’s lovely face washed pale. “You didn’t know he was Tony  _Stark_. That’s why you were confused when the girl sent you up here.”

“He has always been just Tony to me, ma’am.” Bucky replied with a tight smile.

“You poor thing.” She watched him for a long minute, green eyes very obviously lingering over his frame. “Well buckle up, Master Sergeant. This should be  _interesting_.”

It took another full five minutes for Tony to appear, the double doors to his office flying open with a bang.

Pepper leveled him with a fierce glare and Tony only shrugged it off.

“You said presentable, Pepper, my love.” He leaned in close and bussed a kiss onto her cheek. “That takes more than a minute. Besides anyone who comes looking for me knows they need to make an appointment or they end up dealing with— hey there’s a soldier there. Why is there a soldier there?”

Tony spun around when he saw the tall man standing by the window. “Pepper?”

“Yes. Your visitor.” Her eyes widened dramatically. “From the  _Army,_ Tony.” She emphasized. “He says he doesn’t have an appointment, but I think you need to see him.”

“Okay.” Tony sent her an odd look at her over tense tone. “Don’t worry, I can salute if I need to. Isn’t it your lunch time? I can handle this.”

“I think I’ll just stay for a few minutes.” Pepper sat back down slowly, her eyes darting between the two men. “Just in case you need me. Just in case either one of you need me.”

“Alright mother hen.” Tony straightened his jacket and moved towards the soldier, who still hadn’t turned around.

“Hey there, Tony Stark.” He held out his hand politely. “What brings you by the office, Sergeant?”

“It’s Master Sergeant, actually, Mr Stark.” Bucky reached to take his hand, and kind of enjoyed watching the color drain from Tony’s face. “Master Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.”

************************

“So it’s Tony  _Stark_  then, not just Tony.” Bucky said, as soon as the office doors shut behind them. “Right?  _Tony Stark_  as in the Tony Stark who invented, developed, patented, and sells most of the weapons I use on a daily basis?”

“Not… most of them.” Tony objected, then looked away awkwardly. “Okay, maybe most of them.”

“No wonder you didn’t want to tell me your last name.” Bucky sat heavily on the couch near the wall and ran his fingers through his hair. “Had a pretty good reason for that, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t want you to stop writing me because of who I was.” Tony confessed. “Or, to  _keep_ writing me because you know…”

“You’re brilliant and rich and one of the most famous play boys out there?” Bucky sounded a little bitter, and a little afraid. “Yeah, that would be incentive to keep in touch, right? You probably have a lot of people who are friends with you for exactly those reasons.”

“Yeah. Um, you’re right.” Tony frowned over how  _upset_  Bucky looked. The soldier was tense and anxious and looking like he might bolt, sitting so far away from where Tony stood at his desk it might as well have been miles between them instead of several yards.

“Well.” Bucky said after a minute, and Tony jumped, startled from his thoughts. “At least I know now, right?”

“Um, right.” Tony tried to choose his next words carefully. “Does it change anything? Between us, I mean. I’m still  _me_. Still Tony. And you’re still  _you_ , right? So what's… what’s up? Is this going to ruin everything? Are you going to run out of here mad because I didn’t tell you?”

“Do you want me to go?” Bucky asked bluntly.

“God, no.” Tony shook his head, holding out both hands. “No, don’t go. This is– this is amazing. But you didn’t answer me. Does me being me change anything? Are you mad? Disappointed? Tell me what– what you’re thinking.”

“I’m not mad, Tony.” Bucky said slowly. “Um, surprised as hell, because you know, what are the odds? But not mad.”

“Yeah?” Tony straightened hopefully. “What else?”

“A little intimidated.” Bucky admitted. “Not every day you meet the man that designed the gun you use and the body armor you wear.”

“Alright?” Tony waited but Bucky didn’t say anything else. “So… Things aren’t ruined? Nothing's… nothing’s changed? Still the same people who wrote the letters and meant everything that was said?”

“Nothing’s changed.” Bucky stood to his feet, dropping his hat onto the couch and clearing his throat. “Not on my end at least.”

“Mine either.” Tony chewed at his lip nervously. “So– so are we–”

“Any other big secrets you’re keeping from me?” Bucky raised his eyebrows. “Do you own a country or anything, too?”

“I own the building.” Tony blurted. “And my house is at the top. It’s not a house, it’s a penthouse. I own seventeen cars. And a plane. I broke my leg when I was six because I tried to fly. And again when I was fourteen because I built a plane that was just terrible. Oh you know, actually I own half of this city block, and about three different ones in California. Also, an island and I like to call myself a dictator, but I don’t even let anyone else on it, so you know. It’s fine. I tried dating my assistant and she threw wine at me because I’m the worst. I snore? I had the worst acne in the world until I was eighteen. I went to college when I was–”

“Tony.” Bucky held a hand up, fighting a laugh. “I don’t need to know  _every_  little thing you forgot to mention in your letters. The last name was a biggie, but everything else is probably just details, right?”

“Right. Details.” Tony nodded, popping his knuckles anxiously. “Yeah, you can learn all that stuff later.”

“Later.” Bucky agreed. “That’s fine, Tony.”

“So um.” Tony motioned between them. “You’re here. Which is awesome, it’s cool. Very cool. And I’m babbling, which is what I do when I’m nervous, so that’s great.”

“Tony–”

“I don’t even really understand how you are here, considering that I am almost positive you should be overseas? But that’s fine too–”

“Tony–”

“Man, I am talking a lot right now. I’m sorry, Bucky, I just– how are you here? Why are you here? Your last letter didn’t say anything about anything and–”

“Tony!”

“WHAT!” Tony clapped a hand over his mouth. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.”

“It’s fine.” Bucky held out his hand coaxingly. “But it was something like twenty hours worth of airplane time to get here, and all I thought about the entire time was kissing you, so maybe we could talk later and for right now we could–?”

Tony was moving before he even finished talking, and Bucky met him halfway through the room, wrapping big arms around Tony’s waist and bending down to lay a bruising kiss across his lips.

“Tony.” He breathed. “That was worth every minute of the wait.”

Tony just looped his arms tighter around Bucky’s neck and kissed him again.

********************

********************

“What are you even doing here?” Tony asked after they broke apart so they could breathe. “I got your letter a week ago, and there was definitely  _nothing_  to do with being in New York there. I just mailed you a reply the other day.”

“I sent you a second one, right after I mailed the first.” Bucky sat back down on the couch, holding Tony’s wrist so he would sit as well. “Got my dates for R&R and it was coming up within a couple weeks. Wrote you a quick letter and said to call the base when you decided but I never heard back from you.”

“Call the base when I decided what?” Tony interjected. “What did your second letter say?”

Bucky sent him a shy half smile.“I asked in the letter if I could see you on my break. Or if we were letters and phone calls only. And that would have been fine, I just wanted you to call the base and let me know.”

“But you didn’t hear from me.” Tony pointed out. “You came anyway?”

Bucky threaded their fingers together, staring down at Tony’s palm pressed against his own. “I stayed with my family and visited some friends, and couldn’t take being in the same state as you anymore, so I showed up to the address on the letters, hoping that even if you  _hadn’t_  wanted to see me, maybe you would get a cup of coffee or something.”

“Honestly, though.” he glanced around the office that was bigger than his set of barracks. “I expected to find you at a cubicle or something. Not here.”

“Um, surprise?” Tony offered, raising his eyebrows. “Not a cubicle.”

“You don’t say.” Bucky was smiling and Tony was having a hard time not staring. “Why are you staring, honey?”

“I feel like you lied to me about how good looking you are.” Tony accused good naturedly. “Dark hair and blue eyes? You forgot perfect skin and sexy stubble and red lips. And I’m not sure what shade your eyes are exactly but I’m going to patent it and sell it to make up companies. Dark hair and blue eyes just doesn’t cover it.”

“Yeah, but neither does spiky hair and brown eyes.” Bucky returned evenly, shifting enough on the couch till he could cup Tony’s jaw, rubbing over Tony’s bottom lip with his thumb. “It’s a nice surprise how gorgeous you are. I didn’t really care what you looked like, especially not after hearing you on the phone but…come on, Tony. You could have warned a fella. Good lookin’ like this. Not even fair.”

“Ah, Bucky baby, you’re gonna make me blush.” Tony teased and Bucky moved close enough to trace Tony’s lips with the tip of his tongue, just barely brushing their mouths together.

Tony jolted forward to lengthen the kiss but Bucky pulled away, and smiled ruefully.

“Don’t stop.” Tony said with an expression that was nearly a pout. “What are you doing? Twenty hours of plane time right? Give me a better kiss than that.”

“We’re being watched.” Bucky said and flicked a glance towards the door. “Not really used to doing this sort of thing with an audience.”

Tony frowned and turned, reaching for Bucky’s hand as he did. “Pepper. Something I can do for you? Isn’t it your lunch time? Aren’t you supposed to  _gone_?”

“Sorry to interrupt.” She cleared her throat. “And  _honestly_ , I am.” She sent a genuine smile to Bucky. “Because this is lovely and I’m so happy for the two of you. But Tony, the benefit? It’s in an hour. And yes you have to go because it’s for children, and you promised you  _would_ go and so help me  _God_  you are  _not_ backing out of another event this month, got it?”

“Damn it. I forgot about that.” Tony sighed and nodded. “Okay. Thank you. I’ll be there I promise.”

“Perfect. And to make sure you are in fact going to go and aren’t just lying to me, go to your rooms and get changed.” Pepper demanded, and then louder, when Tony started to protest about how he would never do such a thing, “You did it last week, Tony! Go get dressed!”

“Master Sergeant Barnes.” She turned back to Bucky. “Not to be insensitive to this situation or anything, because again, I am so happy that you two managed to meet, but Tony  _really_ has to go to this. If you’d follow me, I can get you a suit for the evening? Unless you prefer to go in your dress uniform, of course.”

“Sorry, where am I going?” Bucky glanced over at Tony in alarm.

“Charity benefit for the children.” Tony replied. “I promised I’d attend. It’s a big thing. Chance for all the rich people who don’t care about anything to pretend they care.”

“And I’m going with you?” Bucky frowned. “Letter one, Tony, remember? I prefer parties that don’t require ties.”

“But, I want you to come with me.” Tony explained, as if that would magically change Bucky’s mind. He stood and brushed the wrinkles from his suit. “Come be my trophy boyfriend for the evening, and I promise the after party won’t require ties at all.” he paused, tilting his head uncertainly. “Unless of course, you had other plans for the night?”

Bucky grinned. “Everything I wanted to do tonight involved you, Tony.”

“Great.” Tony started to leave, but then hesitated again, darting a shy glance in Bucky’s direction, and Bucky snatched him close for another kiss, holding him tight against his body for a long moment.

“I’m leaving right now.” Tony insisted, when Pepper sighed loudly, then leaned back in for another one, putting his arms around Bucky’s neck and yanking the soldier down so he didn’t have to stand on his toes.

“Tony! Oh my god.” Pepper said, exasperated. “You’re going to be late!”

“Leaving. Right now. I promise.” One more kiss and Tony all but  ran out the door, calling something over his shoulder about taking care of clothes for Bucky.”  

“So, Master Sergeant,–” Pepper began.

“Just Bucky, ma’am.” He clarified. “No need to be so formal when it’s just us.”

“Bucky, then.” Pepper allowed. “Would you like me to find you a suit for the evening? Or if you’d prefer I can arrange for your jacket and pants to be pressed and delivered back to you?”

“My uniform is fine, ma'am, thank you. But this after party Tony has planned? How should I dress for that?”

“Oh.” Pepper started tapping away at her cell, arranging for a dry cleaning service. “There’s no  _actual_  after party. That’s just Tony’s code word for sex.”

Bucky blushed an outright  _shocking_  shade of red, and Pepper left the office before she burst into laughter.


	7. Chapter 7

“So do you actually  _know_  any of these people?” Bucky asked, carefully grasping a champagne flute, wrinkling his nose at the taste.

“Technically I know everyone in the room.” Tony remarked, draining his glass and reaching for another. “We all run in the same circles, grew up at the same country club. Do I actually know any of them? No. Do I  _like_  any of them?” he took a big drink from his glass. “Well, I’ll be able to pretend I like them after a few more glasses of this.”

“Geez Tony.” Bucky chuckled. “Why do you come if you hate it so much? Don’t you have better things to do?”

“I definitely have better things to do. But with great money comes—” Tony motioned around the room. “Great nonsense. All this kind of crap. I’m supposed to show up because my company is the one that throws the damn thing. Pepper has told in me in no uncertain terms that if I don’t show up, she would quit, or push me down the stairs or something equally violent.”

He shrugged and finished off his champagne before stepping closer to Bucky and lowering his voice. “Ah, you know, while we’re on the topic of money. We didn’t actually do a whole lot of talking earlier. About the whole me secretly being a billionaire and all that.”

“Yeah, well there’s so much more to do with our mouths than talk, sweet thing.” Bucky murmured, then grinned when Tony nearly snapped the fragile glass stem in half.

“Yes well.” Tony coughed. “That’s a valid point. But um, do we  _need_ to talk more about me being…me? Is this going to affect things? Are we still going to work? We can still right letters and everything, right?”

“I don’t see why you being  _you_  will change anything.” Bucky was scanning the room, watching the crowds of rich people try to outbid each other in the silent auction. “I’m leaving tomorrow evening and we will be back to writing letters and maybe a phone call, right?”

He bumped their shoulders lightly.“So  _I_  can pretend I don’t know your last name, or that you own seventeen cars and a plane and are dictator of your own island–” Tony smirked, “and  _you_  can pretend you don’t stutter every time I wink at you and–”

“Hey!” Tony protested, but Bucky winked at him, and completely proved his point when Tony tripped over his next words. “I—I–I–”

Then Tony frowned and shook his head. “Wait- _wait_  what do you mean, tomorrow? You’re leaving  _tomorrow_?”

“My R&R is only ten days, Tony.” Bucky answered quietly. “Today is day nine. I never heard from you, so I didn’t want to intrude, but I– I just couldn’t leave New York without trying to see you, you know? And I figured if I showed up and you didn’t want to spend time together, at least I’m closer to the airport, even if I have to stay in a hotel.”

“Stay in a hotel.” Tony cursed softly. “You aren’t staying in a hotel Bucky. You’re staying with me. screw the party, let’s leave.”

“We just got here, honey.” Bucky pointed out with a smile, fighting back a cheer over Tony all but demanding they stay the night together. “And even though your secretary only weighs like ninety pounds, the woman is terrifying and I don’t really want to make her angry.”

“They got photos of me here, that’s all the proof I need to convince Pepper I did my part. Bucky, if you’re leaving tomorrow  _please_  let’s get out of here so we can spend some time together.” Tony nudged him back, wetting his lips invitingly.

“And by  _time_ , I mean real time together. Like time involving throwing pillows on the floor and watching the sunrise through my bedroom window.”

“I love the way you think.” Bucky took the champagne from Tony and finished it himself, sending Tony a  _look_  that had sweating. “Why don’t you find us an exit, honey?”

“Oh, look a door! Let’s go.” Tony took off through the crowd, and Bucky followed, trying not to look like he was chasing him, even though  _chasing Tony_ was exactly what he wanted to be doing.

They were just in sight of the exit, the night sky beckoning from outside the window, when a fairly high pitched, fairly annoying voice cut into their escape.

“Anthony! Anthony Stark, been looking for you all night!”

A slender man in wire framed glasses stepped right in front of Tony, putting an all- too-friendly hand on his shoulder and halting him right in his tracks.

“Now, you wouldn’t be leaving already would you now?” he asked with a mock frown. “We haven’t even had the chance to catch up!”

“That was the point.” Tony bit out, managing a barely there smile.  “Got too many thing to do tonight to talk some bullshit with you, Justin. But I wrote my check and did my part for the children so–”

“So let’s stay and have a drink!” Justin motioned for a couple glasses of champagne, but before he could hand Tony one, Bucky stepped in with a glass of his own, pressing it into Tony’s open palm.

“Uh–” Justin looked down at the two glasses in his hand and laughed awkwardly. “Well, looks like I’m drinking for two tonight!” He tossed back one glass and started on the second.

“You know I didn’t realize we had any military personnel here tonight.” Justin continued, looking Bucky over with an interested expression. “Or at least not any enlisted officers. What’s your name, soldier?” he tossed up a mocking, half hearted salute, and Bucky straightened to his full height, shoulders back, chin high, and held out his hand to shake.

“Master Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.” He said authoritatively. “Assistant Detachment Commander and Operations Sergeant for the Special Forces Operational Detachment Alpha.”

“Oh my.” Reaching for Bucky’s hand, the man looked him over again. “A Master Sergeant. Special Forces. That’s  _lovely_. I’m Justin Hammer, but I’m sure you already knew that.”

“Justin Hammer from Hammer Tech.” Bucky squeezed the slim hand resting in his own until Hammer jerked away, covering the movement with a cough.

“That’s right. I’m sure you use a lot of my product. Keeping you boys-er,  _men_ \- safe out there.”

“Your product and Stark’s as well.” Bucky replied evenly.

“So.” Hammer looked between the two of them. “When Tony is done bending your ear about all the new weapons he wants to sell you, why don’t you come find me? We won’t have to talk business at all.” He smiled in a way that he probably assumed was flirtatious, or at the very least engaging, but Bucky didn’t smile back.

“I’ll be too busy.” he said evenly. “But I’ll let you know if that changes.”

“Tony.” Hammer brushed off the slight without even noticing it. “Let’s have dinner soon. I feel like we have lots to catch up on.”

“He’ll be too busy.” Bucky replied, in what Tony had dubbed his ‘Master Sergeant’ voice, and even the annoyingly oblivious Justin Hammer took a step back. “But he’ll let you know if that changes.”

“Sure. Sure.” Knowing he was beat, Hammer offered them both a half hearted smile. “Well, I won’t keep you. Plenty of people for me to see. Have a good night.” And with that, he turned and walked away, calling out to someone else at the party.

“Well, he’s annoying.” Bucky said, taking the untouched glass from Tony’s hand and setting it down. “Are we still leaving? Tony? You ready to— uh, what? What’s wrong?”

Tony was staring up at him, hands flexing at his side as if he was trying to keep from grabbing at Bucky, his eyes sparking bright.

“What is it?” Bucky asked, starting to worry when Tony didn’t say anything. “Was that not okay? I warned you I was going to mark my territory. Did you think I was kidding?” Tony didn’t answer, just kept watching him and Bucky cleared his throat awkwardly. “Say something, Tony.”

“I just…  _wow_ ,  that whole Master Sergeant voice is like  _twice_ as interesting in person.”

Bucky’s blue eyes lit up, and he moved a little closer into Tony’s space. “Twice as interesting hm? You think so?”

“Oh, at  _least_  twice as interesting.”

Bucky lowered his voice, let a little bit of command drop into it. “Didn’t I tell you to find us an exit?”

“Jesus Christ.” Tony breathed a laugh. “We are leaving right the hell now.”

***********************************

“Oh welcome back Mr. Stark. How was the evening?” The doorman asked politely. “Enjoy the benefit?”

“Great, thank you Matthew. Really made a difference tonight, wrote a really big check for the kids, all that sort of stuff.” With a quick grin at the man, Tony pushed Bucky towards the elevator., muttering, “Move your ass, soldier.”

The doors closed, and Tony breathed a sigh of relief, loosening his tie. “Alright, no one else should be bothering us for the rest of the night. Benefit over, Pepper can’t yell at me, I managed not to clock Hammer. Good evening all around.”

“Really, Tony? AC/DC?” Bucky asked, dragging his fingers through his slicked back hair, listening with a half smile to the chords of Highway to Hell coming from the speakers.

“Bucky baby I live at the top of this damn building. You think I want to hear  _elevator music_  for ten minutes?” Tony stuffed his tie into his pocket, undoing his suit jacket and the top button of his shirt. “First thing I did when I bought this place was change the music.”

“Is that how long this ride takes?” Bucky glance around the elevator, eyeing the mirrored walls and tall ceiling. “Ten minutes?”

“You know I’ve never counted actually, it’s probably really about four or five minutes or maybe even less? It just seems like a really long– _OH_!”

Tony startled when  Bucky pushed him right against one of the  walls, covering his mouth with a possessive kiss, sliding his tongue against Tony’s lips until he opened up beneath him.

“You are so  _gorgeous_ , Tony.” He murmured, tasting and licking into Tony’s mouth hungrily, one big hand pinning Tony’s hips to the wall, the other stroking and running through his hair, messing up those perfect spikes, and tugging until Tony dropped his head farther back, opening wider so Bucky could taste  _more_. “That’s right, sweet thing, just like that.”

Wedging a thigh between his legs, Bucky swore softly when Tony ground down against him. “ _Just_ like that, Tony, perfect.  _Perfect_.”

Bucky was just reaching for the collar of the white dress shirt, fully planning on tearing the damn thing and scattering buttons every which way when elevator slid to a stop, and the doors opened on one  _very_  surprised Pepper.

“Tony!” She looked away awkwardly while the men separated. “ _You_ aren’t supposed to be here. You were  _definitely_  supposed to stay long enough to give a speech and–”

“Bucky’s leaving tomorrow.” Tony interrupted. “This will shock you, but I do have some priorities, Pepper. Right now Bucky is priority number one. Now really, be a dear and leave?”

“Tony–”

“ _Leave_.” He repeated, and it was about firmest he’d ever been with her, so Pepper stood aside and waited politely until they’d exited the elevator, and then left without another word, informing the security guard at the front door that Tony was not to be disturbed until lunch tomorrow.

The suite was quiet after Pepper left, and when Tony sent Bucky a sly look from under his lashes, the soldier burst out laughing.

“How is such a little woman so fierce?! I thought she was going to ground you!”

“She probably will take my car keys away or something. I’ll have to buy her something nice tomorrow.” Tony admitted, heading towards his bar. “Whiskey?”

“ _Please_.” Bucky slid his dress jacket off his arms, setting it over a chair carefully so it didn’t wrinkle for the morning. “I don’t know how you can drink champagne.”

“Quickly.” Tony said as he grabbed a few glasses. “And in great quantities. Only way to get through those charity dinners.”

“I can get on board with that.” Bucky reached for his glass and clinked it against Tony’s. “Here’s to good whiskey and gorgeous billionaires.”

Tony chuckled. “Nah, to hot soldiers who do risky things like show up unannounced on my doorstep.”

“To letters that take weeks to arrive and are worth every minute of waiting.” Bucky countered. “Every letter from you was worth it, Tony.”

Tony moved around the bar to stand in front of him. “To flirting without ever worrying it might not be okay, because it was pretty much impossible to stop once we got started.”

Bucky licked his lips and leaned closer. “To checking the ‘yes I like you’ box even though it had only been a few letters.”

“To hearing your voice every time I read your poetry.”

“To phone calls that keep me awake and smiling at night.”

Tony moved until their toes met, until their chests were just a hairsbreadth apart.“To falling for someone without even seeing them.”

Bucky’s eyes darkened to a stormy blue, his voice suddenly hoarse “To finally seeing them and falling even harder.”

Tony put his glass down and reached for Bucky’s hand. “Bucky. I think you should take me to bed now.”


	8. Chapter 8

“Really Tony?” Bucky started laughing when they finally made it to the bedroom, and he got a look at Tony’s bed. “How many pilows do you actually need?”

He picked Tony up off his now bare feet and tossed him right in the middle of the ridiculous amount of pillows. “Aren’t you afraid to suffocate in all these?”

“Hey, I warned you in advance about all my pillows!” Tony’s cheeks were flushed with excitement, his hair all over the place, and he started throwing the fluffy things at the soldier, who managed to duck the first two and took a third right to his face.

“Reflexes soldier boy! You should be faster than that!”

“I have other things on my mind than pillow fights, baby.” Bucky said with a wicked glint in his eye, and started stripping pillows from the bed as fast as he could, until all but two of them lay on the floor.

“Why do we need two?” Tony asked lazily, undoing the buttons of his shirt slowly. “I told you I’d just sleep on you.”

“Oh, I remember what you said.” Bucky smiled wolfishly. “But I don’t plan on  _sleeping_  anytime soon.”

“Oh hell yeah.” Tony laughed, and started pulling at his clothes faster. “Hurry up, Bucky Baby. You said I wouldn’t complain when I saw you nak–nak–Jesus  _Christ_.”

He stuttered to a stop, hands frozen halfway down his shirt when he caught sight of Bucky.

Bucky had turned his back to undress, his white button up dropping off broad shoulders and thick arms. Then he pushed the fitted dress pants off his narrow waist, over a muscular ass, and down long legs, kicking his shoes and socks off before turning back to the bed in just a fitted pair of briefs.

“Tony?” He queried, raising an eyebrow when he saw the brunette hadn’t moved. “Alright?”

“Um.” Tony shook his head. “I got nothing, Bucky. You're…”

“You alright?” Bucky took a step forward. “Should I have waited to get undressed?”

He reached for his pants again and the threat of seeing  _less_  skin seemed to snap Tony from his daze.

“No, it’s fine. It’s just, have I told you yet how terrible you were at describing yourself to me? Because you left out all of–” he made a wide circular motion with his hands. “All of this. You neglected to mention  _all of this.”_

“ Is  _this_ a problem?” Bucky rolled his shoulders, flexing lightly. “Because I could always put my clothes back on.”

“You’re not funny Bucky.” Tony said mildly, sitting up on his knees and greedily looking his fill. “We already went over that.”

“Oh that’s right.” Bucky sighed dramatically. “I remember now. I was going to leave the funny to you, and I’d take care of the flirting and making you blush?”

“Something like that.” Tony was practically  _leering_ , his eyes never moving above Bucky’s shoulders, his hands running restlessly over his own thighs, the thought of actually getting to  _touch_ that perfect body almost too much for him to handle.

“I better get on that, then.” Bucky crawled up the bed, pressing into Tony until he shifted off his knees and onto his back on the pillow.

“Hey.” Bucky’s smile was just short of predatory, his eyes dark. “How ya doing, sweet thing?”

Tony exhaled loudly, fingers curling into Bucky’s big arms. “Well hey there, soldier.”

“Can I take this off?” Bucky grasped the half open shirt, and when Tony looked a little nervous, Bucky whispered, “I promised to kiss all your scars baby, how am I supposed to do that if your shirts on?”

“Oh.” Tony murmured. “Oh, I forgot about that.”

“Well, I didn’t.” Bucky kissed him slowly, sweetly, and when he pulled away, Tony was starting to unbutton his own shirt. “Yeah? Alright?”

Tony nodded, sitting up to kiss him again, and let Bucky take over working the rest of the buttons open until he could spread his hands against Tony’s chest.

“Oh,  _oh_ sweet thing.” He touched each scar carefully, calloused fingers traveling over the raised, rough lines. “Look at how much of a fighter you are. You survived  _all_  this.”

“Looking like a pincushion.” Tony grumbled, then jumped in surprise when Bucky lowered his head anyway and started mouthing over each mark, his tongue soothing the red edges.

When his teeth scraped over the scars closest to his heart, Tony dug his fingers into Bucky’s hair, scratching at his scalp, forcing him closer and Bucky obliged, kissing and licking over every inch of pale skin beneath his hands.

“I like your scars.” Bucky whispered, running his nose over the biggest one that centered over Tony’s heart. “Beautiful. Survivor. _Fighter_. I could have lost you. I could have lost you before I even knew you, and I can’t deal with that thought.”

Tony closed his eyes against a rush of emotion, his hands tightening briefly in the long hair. “Bucky–”

“Can we take these off, too?” Bucky was playing with the closure on Tony’s slacks, and waited for Tony to gather himself enough to give a nod of consent before he slid them down Tony’s legs and tossed them into a corner.  

“There you are, honey,  _now_  I can see you.” He settled between Tony’s thighs, rocking forward just enough to make both of them curse when their cocks rubbed together, separated only by two thin pairs of briefs.

“God  _damnit_ I’m so hard for you, baby.” Bucky buried his face in Tony’s neck. “This is so perfect. You are  _so_ perfect _._ ”

Tony didn’t reply, too busy trying to catch his breath from that first initial press that had had him seeing stars, settling further into the bed under the heavy  _welcome_  weight of Bucky lying against him from shoulders to calves.

He traced lines over the strong shoulders, down to the dimples that sat so low on Bucky’s back, then back up again pressing as close as he could to the soldier as Bucky mouthed sweet words into his collarbone, fitting Tony into every niche of his body.

“So sweet.” Bucky whispered, letting his tongue dip and swirl into Tony’s ear. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I want to be as close to you as I can.” Tony said after a few seconds of thought. “Does that make sense?”  

Bucky raised his head enough to stare deep into his eyes.“Do you want me, Tony? Do you want to have me? Because you can. You can take me. Tell me how you want me.” He smiled slowly when Tony’s mouth opened, a rush of red flooding his cheeks.

“Re-really? You’d let me–”

“Of course.” Bucky ground down against him, chuckling quietly when Tony’s eyes fluttered closed. “Is that how you wanna do this?”

“But on the phone–” Tony stammered. “On the phone you said–”

“Yeah, I talked about being inside you, baby, but that was just one time. We can do this however you want this time.” Bucky shifted higher, gripped at Tony’s waist to hold him still so he could thrust into him, words dropping off into a groan when Tony lifted up to meet him. “Oh  _fuck_ , sugar—ah–ah–however you want this time, and next time we can do it my way.”

“How we did it on the phone.” Tony decided in an instant. “This time I want– yeah. I want you that way.”

“Sure thing, sweet thing.” Bucky promised, and started moving again, working his way down all the lean muscles below him, first his hands, then his mouth moving lower until he could hook his fingers in the waistband of Tony’s briefs.

“I half expected these to be camo.” He teased. “A little surprise for me once I got you naked.”

Tony shrugged, watching with hooded eyes as Bucky started pulling them down his legs.“Next time. Next time I’ll wear camo underwear for you.”

“You better.” Bucky’s voice went low and breathy. “Can I taste you, Tony?”

He didn’t wait for an answer this time, barely giving Tony a second to realize what he’d asked before licking a long line up Tony’s cock, swirling over the head before taking as much as he could into his mouth.

“Bucky, J _esus_ fucking–!” Tony’s whole body jerked and he grabbed Bucky’s head, fingers tangling in his hair.

“You trying to pull me away, or push me down, sugar?” Bucky asked with a soft groan, scraping his teeth just barelyover the satiny soft skin, wrapping one hand around the thick base and stroking slowly.

“I-don’t-know.” Tony said through clenched teeth, thrusting helplessly between those red lips. “Just don’t stop. No wait, stop.  _Dammit_ Bucky, I can’t …” he took a deep breath, throwing an arm over his eyes, trying to get his body back under control.

Bucky had backed off the second Tony had said ‘stop’, watching him carefully, giving him a chance to cool down. “Alright?” He asked after a minute and Tony nodded, pulling at him until Bucky slid back up between his legs.

“Not gonna last like that.” Tony admitted sheepishly. “Too uh– too keyed up.”

Bucky’s lips curled in a satisfied smirk.“I barely got started though, baby. Just wanted to taste you a little.”

“Yeah well, I’m not twenty anymore.” Tony replied, working his fingers back into Bucky’s thick hair and tugging him down for a kiss. “Only gonna do this once tonight and I want it to be  _with_ you.”

“We should test that theory.” Bucky argued, nipping soft kisses and little bites down Tony’s throat. “It’s been a while for me sweet thing, I bet we could do this twice without even trying.”

“I didn’t say we couldn’t do this again first thing in the morning and again before you leave.” Tony’s breath was coming faster as Bucky sucked a light bruise over his pulse point. “Just that the first time should be with you, not me losing my mind because of your  _mouth_.”

“I know, baby.” Bucky raised his head until their foreheads touched. “I want it to be together too.” He picked up Tony’s hand, letting it rest on his neck, waiting until Tony’s eyes widened. “Do you feel that?”

“Yeah.” Tony licked his lips. “Our hearts are racing together.”

He barely caught the gentle smile crossing Bucky’s face before the soldier kissed him again, slotting their lips together, their tongues licking and sliding through each others mouths.

Bucky kept working his hand up and over Tony’s cock, dragging a thumb over the drooling slit, humming contentedly every time Tony’s body shuddered beneath him.

“Can I–” he ran his other hand down Tony’s back, over the curve of his ass, fingers catching and pressing against his tight entrance. “Like this? Or not yet?”

“Absolutely. Yes,  _yes,_ like this.” Tony reached to dig in his bedside drawer, finding the small bottle of lube and pressing it into Bucky’s hand, groaning through another kiss that was heated and  _hungry_. “Bucky,  _yes_.”

“Spread your legs for me.” Bucky sat up on his knees between Tony’s legs, and his eyes lighting when Tony moaned and shifted against him.

“Spread them  _wider.”_ He instructed, watching the blush climb Tony’s neck and face when his voice dropped lower,  _rougher_. “Make enough room for me, that’s it baby, see you remember. That’s so good sweetheart.”

Bucky crooned in encouragement when Tony bent his knee, letting his other leg fall open so Bucky could move inside him, first one then two fingers when Tony gasped and pushed down against him.

“Just like we did over the phone, yeah? Is this how you looked, then? Just hard and  _open_  and wishing I was right here?” Bucky scissored his fingers slowly, working Tony loose as gently as he could. “Did you touch yourself like this when we were on the phone? Huh? Use a few fingers to help?”

“Not then, no.” Tony arched into a particularly good thrust. “You didn’t tell me to, remember?”

Bucky’s eyes nearly glazed over at the thought of  _Tony obeying him_ and Tony shook his head. “You’re the first in a long time  _,_ babe, why do you think I’m so ready?” He reached down, stroking himself a few times, huffing a laugh when Bucky made a strangled sort of noise.

“Jesus.” Bucky muttered. “It’s like I was in control of this for three seconds, but as soon as you move, or talk, I’m just helpless against you. How do you do that to me? Why does the fact that I’m your first in a long while just  _kill_  me?”

“I just hope I don’t disappoint after my extended period of abstinence.” Tony teased, and reached for Bucky’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “Now come on. Don’t make a guy wait. You’re already halfway there.”

Bucky eased himself from Tony’s body, reaching back for his pants for a condom, missing the relieved look Tony sent him for not having to even ask.

“Are you ready? Or do I need to–” Bucky slipped two fingers back inside him, then added a third and Tony gritted his teeth over the  _stretch_. “And for the record,” Bucky twisted his fingers hard, searching for the bundle of nerves deep inside that would make Tony–

“ _AH_!!” Tony’s whole body tightened, and he clenched his fists in the sheets.

“For the record,” Bucky repeated, “having my fingers inside you is  _no where near_ being halfway there.”

He unwrapped the condom, rolling it down his cock, adding more lube as he readied himself. “You ready for me, baby?”

Tony nodded, closing his eyes when he felt  _thick hot heavy_ pushing into him. “Yes  _yes yes yes_.”

Bucky came into him slowly  _carefully,_ trying not to hurt Tony, but he knew it was a lot,  _he_ was a lot,  so he  peppered kisses all over Tony’s face and chest, trying to soothe him, trying to distract him.

Tony could have screamed as his body stretched around Bucky, the burn so sharp it was borderline painful, but just when he thought he couldn’t handle any more, when he was ready to push at those broad shoulders and ask Bucky to  _stop_ , the soldier stilled, laying down over him and kissing him apologetically.

“Sorry baby.” He whispered over and over. “I’m big, I know, I’m sorry, I should have gone slower, or warmed you up more or-”

“Bucky.” Tony said through clenched teeth, and he looked up into the worried blue eyes. “If you don't  _get me off_ in some spectacular fashion after teasing me all night I’m gonna kick your giant ass out of my bed. Start. Moving. Now.

Bucky laughed, relieved. “You alright, then?” Quick kisses dotted down Tony’s jaw and up to his ear. “Gonna survive me?”

“Well, I certainly believe you about the whole “not being halfway there” thing.” Tony snarked, then rocked his hips up, pulling a heavy groan from his lover. “ _Move_ , soldier.”  

“Oh  _s_ _ure thing_ , sweet thing.”

Bucky stretched out over him, every roll of his body a long slow stroke in and out that had Tony whimpering and scratching at his back, urging him on for  _more more more._ Bucky just rested their foreheads together, grasping Tony’s wrists together in one big hand and holding them above his head.

**_[{{FAN ART}}](https://not-close-to-straight.tumblr.com/post/158857446983/latelierderiot-for-letters-to-bucky-by) _ **

“When you take me-” his voice was low, nearly a growl, and Tony shivered, arms flexing as he tried to break Bucky’s hold.

“No, baby I’m definitely stronger than you.” He scolded gently, never stopping the rhythm pumping into Tony’s core. “When  _you take me_ you can set the pace, until then…”

He stroked as far as he could into Tony, until their hips ground together, until their chests touched and Tony threw his head back into the pillow, tried to wrap his legs around Bucky’s waist to somehow get him even  _deeper_.

“Until then, “Bucky repeated, humming in satisfaction over Tony’s anxious little cry. “Let’s take our time.”

Leaving Tony’s hands above his head, Bucky ran his fingers down the lean thighs, gripping behind his knees to pull them higher, until he could run his thumb along the arch of Tony’s foot. “Right here, sweet thing.” He placed Tony’s foot against his shoulder, opening him up ever farther. “That’s perfect.”

The new angle dragged his cock across Tony’s sweet spot every time he rocked forward, and Bucky slowly picked up his pace from achingly slow to fast enough that Tony forgot to leave his hands up and was holding Bucky as close as he could, until Tony forgot that  _Bucky_  was in charge and was thrusting back up against him, until Tony forgot anything other than his soldiers name, and he said it over and over and  _over_  until Bucky reached down to hold him, jerking him roughly, twisting over the head of Tony’s cock until Tony dropped his head back and screamed his pleasure out.

“Yes, yes Tony, sweet heart, sweet thing, that’s so good.”

Bucky praised, pulling Tony’s foot from his shoulder to wrap around around his waist. “So good honey. Keep going, as long as you need.”

He never stopped moving, never stopped touching him, not until

Tony’s torso was streaked with white and he was flinching, too sensitive to continue.

When Tony finally started coming down, started recovering, he pushed back into each thrust, grunting when Bucky shifted over him and moved harder, chasing his own edge now.

“Come on, babe take what you need.” He urged, “take it soldier, I’m right here.”

“ _Tony_.” Bucky sealed their mouths together in a long kiss, hammering into Tony’s body almost out of control now, pinning the smaller man to the bed.

Tony pushed him on, egged him on, dragging his fingers down Bucky’s chest, stroking over his own slowly re-stiffening erection, groaning each time Bucky filled him, eyes rolling closed when he pulled out, feeling every inch of that thick cock dragging through him.

Bucky watched every emotion cross Tony’s face, listened to every desperate gasp and sweet pant, and fell deeper in love with every passing second. “Tony.” He whispered when he couldn’t stop himself anymore. “Sweet thing, I have to tell you, I  _have_  to tell you that I–I–”

Tony’s eyes flashed with something unreadable, and he covered Bucky’s mouth with his hand gently.“I know, Bucky. Me too. I  _promise_ _._ I  _promise_  I do, too.”

Bucky nodded, brushing a kiss into Tony’s palm and dropped his head back to Tony’s neck, squeezing at his hip tight, breath coming harder as his pleasure started spiking.

“Close, baby.” He murmured. “I’m close.”

Tony wove his fingers into his hair, pulling him down, forcing him closer. “Come on. Come on I’m ready for you.”

Bucky pressed his lips over the scar on Tony’s heart, and it was only a few strokes later that he was coming, buried as deep as he could be inside Tony’s body, his breath nearly a growl as he panted through his orgasm.

Tony’s eyes fluttered closed, a thrum of satisfaction, pride at bringing his soldier this far past the brink making him tremble, wringing another soft groan from Bucky as Tony’s body tightened beneath him, around him. 

“Beautiful.” He managed, after several minutes, when he could see straight again. “Tony, this is– you are–”

At a loss for words, Bucky kissed him tenderly, almost desperately, and Tony wrapped his arms around him and kissed him right back.


	9. Chapter 9

Morning came too soon.

Tony sat propped up on the single pillow left on the bed, waiting for Bucky to come back from the kitchen, idly rubbing over the hand shaped bruise on his hip.

“I’m sorry about that honey.” Bucky said with a frown, dropping back into the bed with some water. “I should have been gentler with you.”

“It’s fine.” Tony waved him off. “It will be a nice reminder that these twenty four hours actually happened. When you’re half a world away by tonight I’ll be able to–”

“Hey.” Bucky covered his mouth with a gentle kiss. “None of that. We said we wouldn’t talk about me leaving yet.”

“Sorry.” Tony abandoned the pillow in favor of laying across Bucky’s chest, his fingers trailing down over  _lots_  of bare skin, tracing the deep vee of Bucky’s hip bone, loving that the soldier had yet to put any clothes back on. “I tend to be dramatic.”

“I know.” Bucky kissed the top of Tony’s head and held him closer, rubbing his back comfortingly, smiling when he saw the framed poem sitting on the nightstand. “I didn’t notice the poem there last night.”

“Yeah well, it’s been there since you sent it.” Tony mumbled. “I told you I would frame it, did you think I was joking? And besides, we were so busy last night, I would have been a little insulted if you were paying attention to anything but me.”

Bucky grinned down at him. “Sweetheart, you were the only thing that had my attention last night. Only thing that has my attention this morning, too. No worries there.”

“Can I ask you something?” Tony shifted in his arms then, looking up at him curiously.

“Ask me whatever you want, Tony. Anything you want.”

“It sounds weird when you say it like that. Like you should be making fun of me but aren’t.” Tony wrinkled his nose and Bucky laughed out loud, tugging a wonderfully naked Tony up and into his lap, running his big hands in soothing strokes up his sides and and arms.

“I just like hearing you talk, sweet thing. After so many months of just letters I can’t get enough. So ask me baby. What’s on your mind?”

“What would you have done if you showed up and I didn’t want to see you?” Tony asked slowly and Bucky’s eyebrows drew together in a frown.

“Why would you ask that?” He reached for the comforter, dragging it up and over Tony’s shoulders, shielding them both against the morning chill.

“Because if the situation were reversed… and I’d showed up at your place, and you hadn’t wanted to see me I’d…well I’d probably fling some fantastic insult at you then check into a shitty motel and cry into a bottle of scotch for a week.” Tony shrugged. “What about you?”

“Oh. Alright. Let me think about it.” Bucky was quiet for a minute, his hands moving lower, over the firm roundness of Tony’s ass, fingers trailing through the cleft there, searching and pressing where he was so warm, and still just a bit sore.

Tony hissed a little and shifted forward, resting his head on Bucky’s shoulder.

“You like that, don’t you babe? When I touch you like this.” Bucky said with a pleased smile and Tony sighed into his neck, lifting himself up as Bucky worked him open, pausing just long enough to get the nearly empty bottle of lube. “You’re almost out honey. Should we get more?”

“Won’t need it after you leave.” Tony said with a little shrug. “It’s just you, Bucky. I don’t need it for… any other reason. Haven’t for a while, even before our phone call.”

“How long?” Bucky asked, scooting down in the bed, running his hand over himself, reaching for a condom. “How long Tony, since you haven’t needed–”

“Close to two years.” Tony answered. “Several months before my accident. And not after my accident until you. So it’s just you.”

Bucky was silent, watching as Tony lifted himself up, and took him deep into himself with one long, gorgeous, slide, their bodies meeting with a groan from Bucky and a whispered curse from Tony over how  _full_  he was.

It was slow and gentle and  _good_  between them, and later when Tony shouted Bucky’s name as he tipped over the edge into an orgasm, when Bucky followed just a few seconds later, they exchanged soft words, mumbled sweet nothings into each other’s ears, mouthed lazy kisses across flushed skin.

And the soldier swallowed what he  _really_  wanted to say, and held his lover tight, as close as he could, just hoping beyond reason that Tony  _knew_ what hadn’t been said.

*************************

“You never answered me.” Tony said later, after they had cleaned up and were laying across the bed again. “About what you would do.”

Bucky exhaled loudly. “OK Tony. If I’d come here and you hadn’t wanted me like I wanted you, I would have taken my poetry back and burned your building to the ground.”

Tony burst into laughter. “ _What_? That’s a  _total_ overreaction! Wait, I can’t tell if you’re joking. Are you joking?” He looked up suspiciously. “You are so intense and I kind of hate that I love it. Tell me the truth soldier, am I sleeping with a crazy person?”

“I don’t know what you mean by that.”  Bucky shrugged. “We haven’t been sleeping at all.”

“Seriously.” Tony insisted. I really want to know, Buck. Just tell me.”

Bucky sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Seriously? If you hadn’t’ve wanted to see me Tony, I would shaken your hand and walked out the door. And never answered when you called or written you anything ever again because you… you would have broken my heart.”

“Broken your heart?” Tony blinked back whatever emotion was making his eyes well up and cleared his throat. “Already that invested, huh baby buckeroo?”

“Already that invested, sugar.” Bucky brushed his knuckles over Tony’s face. “But you know that already, don’t you?”

“Yeah.” Tony said, his throat tight. “I guess I did.”

They were quiet a minute longer, then Tony smooshed a kiss onto Bucky’s cheek. “Me too, alright? You know?”

“Yeah, baby.” Bucky kissed him back. “I know.”

*******************

“I’m gonna write you from the plane, Tony.” Bucky said as he finished buttoning his jacket. “Will you write me back?”

Tony handed him his hat, trying hard to keep the waver from his voice . “I always do, soldier.”


	10. Chapter 10

_To: Bucky_

_–Pepper told me to go change but I’m sitting at my desk in my penthouse and writing you real fast. I can’t believe you’re here, sitting downstairs in my office. Whatever gave you the idea to just show up here was… genius._

_–I can’t wait to spend tonight with you. So many plans. So many naked plans. Just naked naked naked plans._

_************************_

_To: Bucky_

_–you fell asleep faster than me. It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Still can’t believe you’re here, soldier. I’m gonna be a wreck in the morning I’m already sure of it so sorry in advance if I make a scene._

_–I’m also gonna have a you sized hand print on my hip and I freaking love that. I might invest in some of those ultra low rise hip hugger jeans and croppy tops to show it off. I’ve got the butt for those type of jeans, right?_

_–I forgot to ask you about the red star on your jacket shoulder. Remind me._

_******************_

_To:Bucky_

_–you literally just stepped away to the kitchen and I miss you. I hate it. I don’t want to tear up when you leave so I’m not going to let you say anything too nice. Nothing sappy. Take it easy on me, because I’m about the most fragile I’ve ever been right now._

_–I hate that you didn’t ditch your family and spend the whole ten days with me. I don’t even care if that’s rude. I mean, I realize your mom was probably thrilled to see you? But I don’t care. Should’ve spent the entire ten days with me, and then went AWOL from your post and ran away with me to my island._

_–That was terrible advice and I would like to go on the record as saying I’m not actually condoning soldiers ditching the military. (Just in case anyone higher up in the chain reads this? Totally not condoning it. Just being moody)_

_–You know poetry isn’t really my thing, I’m not near as good with words as you are, but I hope you know that… well,_ _**you know** _ _. What we didn’t say last night. I hope you know how I feel._

_–stay safe soldier._

_–come home soon_

_****************_

_****************_

Bucky wiped at his eyes, swallowing over the emotion clogging his throat before carefully folding the scraps of paper Tony had scribbled notes on and somehow shoved into his jacket.

He hadn’t even found the little notes until he’d reached for his tickets and boarding pass in his pocket, and they’d fallen to the floor.

He’d had to wait till he’d gotten settled in his set and the plane had taken off, but he’d finally pulled them back out, smoothing the letters and reading them a few different times.

Then with New York rapidly disappearing behind him, he started to write back.

***************

**To: Tony**

**–I made it onto the plane. Heading to Germany first, then back to base.**

**–Sweet thing, I wish I would have skipped seeing everyone else and been brave enough to show up at your place as soon as I arrived. One night wasn’t even close to enough time to spend with you, and now I won’t be due for another break for months, and how am I supposed to go that long?**

**–I just had a thought– I was told in an earlier letter that tall dark and handsome only guarantees me a night and most of the following morning with you. Any chance that’s less true now? It sure would be nice to know that next time around you might keep me for a little bit longer, huh?**

**–I am sorry I bruised you, not sorry that you’ll be forced to remember me for at least a week. Um… send me a picture of you in the low rise pants? I’m a fan of that idea.**

**–Seriously though, I still want a picture of you. Need a picture of you. I’m not going to forget how you look anytime soon but it would be nice to have** _**something** _ **to keep in my pocket. I’ll send one for you too.**

**–And I KNOW, honey. I do. And I get why nothing was said, it’s fine. But I know. And I hope you do too. All that sort of thing that we didn’t say.**

**–I’ll send this as soon as I get back to base so you know I made it**

**–I miss you Tony**

**–I’ll be safe.**

**PS. The red star is the symbol for my unit. All the men have one on their uniform. Even though my official title is all that mess I rattled off to that annoying Justin Hammer, the Red Star tells anyone in uniform that I’m in a black-ops group within the SFODA. Its not something that civilians would know.**

************************

_********************_

_To: Bucky_

_–I bought more pillows. Didn’t ever bother me how big my bed was until I shared it with you. So thanks for ruining that for me. I now have at least forty pillows and I sleep in the middle of them, but I don’t sleep very well because I am slightly terrified that I will roll over and get sucked into a pillow related vortex and suffocate._

_–Pepper won’t quit asking about you, as if I can magically talk to you anytime I want and ask you questions to satisfy her curiosity. I only know so many officers after all, there are only so many phone calls I can wrangle out of them._

_–A picture of us together surfaced from the charity dinner. Your face is pretty hidden but it’s obvious I’m staring dramatically into the eyes of a man, so now rumors are everywhere, but that doesn’t bother me. Would it bother you if the General public knew we were kind of dating?_

_–What are holidays like over there? Can I send you a box or something? A video phone call? Because it’s not really the holidays without getting some kind of sex, even if it’s over a video, right?_

_–My bruises are all gone. Kind of hate it. Kind of glad my hips aren’t sore anymore._ ~~_I wonder if I’ll ever get used to your size or if it’s always gonna be like that_ ~~

_–I miss you. We should try for a phone call soon. Not for any reason other than to talk, I don’t just want you for your body and that sexy Brooklyn boy accent you have. I mean I definitely want_   _you for those reasons, but I’d like to just hear you anyway._

_–How long has it been for you? Since you were with anyone else? You know how long it’s been for me. I just… I won’t be mad or anything. I get it. War time. Soldiers. You’re gorgeous. I get it. I just want to know._

_-Stay safe Bucky baby. All of you guys._

_Tony_

_PS. Can we have a code word instead of saying_ _ **you**_   _ **know**_   _all the time. It’s not that I don’t want to say it. I promise. You understand, right?_

_*************************_

**To: Tony**

**–I’d apologize for the bed thing but I’m not really sorry. Selfishly I want you to be lonely every time you lay there without me. But be careful with the pillows? I can’t say I wouldn’t laugh reading about someone falling into a pillow vortex, but I would be sad if it was you.**

**–I’m glad the bruises are gone only because I’m glad you aren’t sore. What did I say about crossing shit out, sweetheart? I want to know whatever you are thinking about.**

**–And for what it matters, I hope you never get used to me inside you. Not because I want you to hurt or anything but I hope it always makes you swear and groan and say my name, cause I’m never gonna get tired of that.**

**–Wouldn’t bother me at all if people knew we were dating. Because we** _**are** _ **together right? I don’t like the word kind of, don’t use that anymore. I like you, you like me, right? No kind of about it.**

**–I’d love to be able to talk on the phone, but honestly things**   **are rough here right now. Rotations are longer, breaks are shorter. Can’t say too much, but things are… rough. Don’t believe everything the news says. I can’t really predict when I’m here and when I’m not and I’d hate for you to call and me not be here.**

**–I get it Tony, about not being ready to say anything like that. It’s fine. It is. Because as long as you know what I feel, and you feel the same things then it’s always gonna be fine.**

**– And Tony, it’s been** _**years** _ **for me. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of men I’ve been with. I’ve always been careful, if that’s an issue. I’m clean. I waited till I was eighteen and shipping out for boot camp before even admitting to anyone besides Steve that I was gay. Lost my virginity that same night and you can imagine it wasn’t spectacular. A few times during my first tour, and when I was home for six months before my second tour I dated a nice guy but it didn’t last.**

**–So besides you and my hand, it’s been years. I was just.. waiting for someone worth my time. Honestly didn’t think I’d find that person until I was back home and not touring again. Wasn’t even looking for that person yet. But I found you, didn’t I? Or maybe you found me?**

**–I’ve got to go, we are heading out in the morning and I’ve been writing instead of packing.**

**–Write me back sweet thing, I can’t wait to hear from you.**

**–PS- a box is fine but not necessary. Letters from you are amazing. They always try to hook us up with something good to eat for thanksgiving/Christmas, but half the time I’m out on rotation anyway. war doesn’t stop because of the date.**

_*****************_

_*****************_

_To Bucky_

_–happy holidays, soldier. I know it’s early but figured I should say it now since your rotations are getting longer._

_–I’m sending you a box definitely. Why would you be_ _**definitely 100% no kind of about it** _ _dating a rich guy if you didn’t get big presents for Christmas? Expect giant boxes full of random things._

_–So a business thing real quick. I was approached by a team of researchers from Russia who want to work with robotics and strength serums and soldiers. Like make them into cyborgs. Have you heard anything about that over there? It’s an interesting concept and I am reading up on it, because it could absolutely be what remakes war for this generation._

_–But it seems… morally skewed to me. Turning men into machines. They want me to develop the robotics side of things. Tell me how you as a soldier would feel about fighting next to or against supersoldiers, or how you would feel about being one yourself._

_–I’m glad you understand. Thank you. Maybe one day we can talk about why talking about stuff like us and relationships and the four letter word that begins with ‘L’ is difficult for me, but for right  now thank you._

_–And thank you for telling me about.. well all of that. Your number of partners made me feel like a complete man whore but hey, my twenties were pretty wild. And for the record I’m clean too. Tested regularly, especially since I dabbled in recreational drugs quite a bit for a while there. Not in years tho. I’m serious. Years._

_–So maybe next time when we have more time we can skip the precautions_ ~~_and just make a fucking mess_ ~~ _sorry about that. That was pretty vulgar even for me. All I’m saying is, if you’re good and I’m good, I want to know what it feels like to just have you. –There that was a more romantic way of putting it, right? Staring at your poem all day must be wearing off on me._

_–I think your mouth erased some of my scars. We need to try that treatment again asap._

_–Stay safe for me, soldier._

_–come home soon._

**********************

**************************

**To: Tony**

**–Happy one year anniversary of surviving your accident. I know this won’t reach you until closer to Christmas, mail is so much slower this time of year, but Happy Anniversary anyway. I know you hate that your scars haven’t faded and that it still hurts to take deep breaths but honey just think of all you and I would have missed out on, if you didn’t have those reminders. It would mean that you hadn’t survived that crash and I’ve already told you I can’t handle that thought.**

**–Seriously you don’t have to send me anything. Just a picture. That’s all I want. And if it’s one of your professionally done ones for a magazine I’m gonna be pissed. Send me a real one.**

**–Cyborg soldiers. Tony, Steve was approached a while ago about something like that. Not robotics, but basically testing a new steroid or something. Accelerated healing, extra strength without the extra mass, extra speed. Sounds a lot like what you are looking into.**

**–All he said when I asked him, is that it was in no way a possibility for him now, at least not until this tour is over and we are home. He thinks arbitrarily selecting soldiers to be super soldiers and then unleashing them on the rest of the troops is a horrible idea, and I do too. If these super soldiers were ever created it should be entire units, not just one or two men in a unit. How can you expect regular men to follow an enhanced Captain into battle, knowing he will walk away every time and they probably won’t?**

**–I’ll admit though, I kind of like the idea of being a super soldier. I’m lethal enough now, the serum would just make me unbeatable. Heady stuff. And at least it would mean I would always come home, right?**

**–I _miss_  you sweetheart. Wish we were spending the holidays together. Guarantee you’d be wearing mistletoe and a red ribbon and that’s about it.**

**–Oh and I agree. We should try a mouth on scar treatment asap. Longer this time. Several days. At least a week. Tony, I would love a week of just you and me locked away in a hotel somewhere.**

**–** _**Yes** _ **honey, Let’s make a mess together. Want to know how you taste, want to know if I can fit all of you in my mouth. Want to know what** _**you** _ **feel like inside me. Want to come inside you until you’re over flowing. Want you to come all over me. Want to eat you out and then fuck you senseless. I want it all.**

**–Let’s make a fucking mess together, Tony. We can burn the sheets after.**

**–Are you blushing yet?**

**–Write me back baby**


	11. Chapter 11

“Master Sergeant.” A corporal motioned to him when he found Bucky in the rec hall. “Several items for you at the mail center sir, all marked urgent, so I came to retrieve you right away.”

“Uh, thank you?” Bucky put his cards down, leaving enough chips on the table to buy out of the game, and jerked his head towards Steve. “You coming, Cap?”

“What now we have to do mail call together?” Steve grumbled, but put his cards down and left the game as well. “Who the hell is sending you boxes?  _Several_  of them?”

“Hell if I know.” Bucky said with a shrug, but smiled a little in anticipation, because the boxes could only be from Tony.

*****************

“Holy…” Steve stopped dead in his tracks and stared at the boxes stacked in the mail room. “Bucky, what the  _hell_?”

“Uh. Yeah.” Bucky ran a hand through his hair. “Holy boxes, right?”

“These are specifically for  _you_.” Steve handed Bucky a box with a letter attached. “The rest is addressed to you  _and_  the unit. From Stark Industries.” He raised his eyebrows. “Say, Bucky. Why are you receiving boxes from Stark Industries?”

Bucky turned away and coughed loudly. “No special reason. Probably just, you know  _causeI'mdatingTonyStark_.”

“Yeah.” Steve folded his arms. “I’m gonna have to ask you to repeat that, but this time say it slower and say something that isn’t quite so crazy. Because I  _almost_ thought you said–”

“I did.” Bucky interrupted. “And let’s not talk about it here, huh? Later. Let’s get these boxes to the guys. I have no idea what’s in them but I’m sure it’s cool.”

It  _was_  cool.

The biggest box held fourteen top dollar RC Hummers, complete with loads of batteries, one car for each soldier in their Unit.

Another held six bottles of whiskey, six of rum, and six of tequila.

A smaller box was full of prepaid phone cards, so the men could call home and talk for several hours for the holidays without worrying about the cost.

Another larger one was packed with personal size fans, one for each soldier to mount on their beds.

A letter taped to the top of the phone cards said simply,

_Merry Christmas from Stark Industries_

_Call your families, then get good and drunk and race your cars around. I expect to see videos on YouTube._

_Thanks for all you guys do_

_Tony Stark CEO_

The twelve other members of the Unit started whooping and cheering and tearing through the boxes.

Steve looked at Bucky and headed back towards their barracks.

“So. Tony  _fucking_ Stark. That’s who your pen pal is? Tony  _fucking_ Stark?!”

“That was exactly my reaction when I met him.” Bucky said, placing his own box carefully on his pillow. “Except I think I stared for a good hour before I managed to say a damn thing.”

“Wait, you didn't  _know?”_ Steve asked, his jaw dropping. “You what– went to see him and then surprise, he’s a billionaire?”

“Basically. I had no idea till I showed up to see him and they pointed me to the penthouse. Little red headed secretary felt so bad for me she stuck around to make sure I was gonna be alright after meeting him.” Bucky laughed at Steve’s expression. “It was a weird few minutes, but it’s.. it’s fine now. I’m absolutely nuts about him. And he’s pretty crazy about me so–”

“Are you sure?” Steve asked finally. “Are you  _sure_ , because he has a pretty shitty reputation.”

“Thank you.” Bucky rolled his eyes. “I’m aware of what I’m getting into.”

“I’m  _serious_  Bucky.” Steve insisted. “This is the first time you’ve ever– tried, with a guy you know, and if he turns out to be the total asshole everyone says he is–”

“Then I’ll deal with the fallout. I’m a big boy Steve. I’m not ten year old Bucky who didn’t get why it wasn’t ok to like other boys, you know?” Bucky spread his hands in an oh well motion. “This is fine. It’s wonderful. The best thing that’s ever happened to me. And even if it goes to shit somewhere down the road… well it will still be the best thing that ever happened to me, alright?”

“Alright.” Steve watched him for a long moment before apparently deciding that Bucky knew what he was talking about. “Alright then. I’ll give you a minute to read your letter, but if you want fair shot at any of the alcohol he sent you better get your ass back out there.”

“No problem.”

Steve patted his back and left, and Bucky lounged back on his bed, ripping open the letter.

_***********************_

_To: Bucky_

_–I was going to write you a real letter but I don’t want to talk business or boring stuff when it’s Christmas. I paid just a ridiculous amount of money to get these boxes to you ASAP so cheers to you and your unit and I hope the  boys love it. Pretty sure I’ll be suing the mail service if they aren’t there before Christmas._

_–Open your box_

_–Miss you Bucky baby_

_*************************_

Bucky folded the letter, a little disappointed it wasn’t longer, but reached for his box, cutting it open carefully.

Inside was a wrapped bottle of the whiskey they had shared that night after the benefit, and two crystal tumblers from Tony’s personal collection.

But  _holding_  the whiskey was a stuffed bear, dressed in a sharp little suit and tie and Bucky frowned at it.  _Why the hell…?_

He reached for the card in the bears paw a little certificate proclaiming it to be a legitimate Build a Bear named…

“Tony.” He laughed quietly. “Tony the bear. I wonder…”

Bucky picked up the fluffy thing, unbuttoning the shirt, and sure enough, sewn into the bear’s chest were several little scars, one right over the little red heart shaped patch.

“Damn it.” He shook his head, not willing to admit that a teddy bear was making him choke up. He laid the bear and the whiskey aside, reaching for the other, smaller box, the envelope attached to it. 

 **Open me first**  was written over the box, so he did, and a palm sized little video screen dropped into his hand.

Bucky leaned back into his bunk and pushed play, and the screen lit up with a picture of Tony, obviously in bed, his hair messy, and bare chested.

“ _Hey.”_ Video Tony said into the camera. “  _So I saw this thing, so stupid, but I saw this thing and it’s like so parents can record messages and leave it with their kids when they leave town so the kids not sad or whatever. So I got one for you.”_

He smiled shyly and took a drink of whatever was in his hand.  “ _Probably the dumbest thing I ever bought. But I wanted to talk to you, and… well I don’t know.”_

 He rolled his eyes, and the camera shifted as he moved it a little closer. “  _I hope you like your bear, I thought it would make you laugh maybe. I even sprayed it with my cologne so it smells like me. If you don’t like it tough shit.”_

Tony laughed. “ _Anyway, um, Merry Christmas, soldier. I miss you… like crazy. It’s ridiculous really.”_

His expression turned serious and he glanced away from the camera for a minute. “ _I know we aren’t saying things yet. But I-I–”_ he ran a hand through his hair. “ _Yeah you know that’s just as hard over video as it is in person. But Bucky–”_ the camera moved closer, close enough to see the early morning stubble on his chin.

“ _Come home to me, okay? I read your last letter about eighteen times and it still made me blush and damn I really want you to do all that, everything, to me but more than anything I want you_ here _. Safe. Next to me. Okay? You said things are getting bad over there and just… please. Be safe.”_

Video Tony closed his eyes for a second, and when he opened them again his voice didn’t seem so stressed. “  _I didn’t mean to get all serious there. This was supposed to be a cheerful video. Anyway,”_ the camera zoomed out to show Tony holding a giant sprig of mistletoe over his head.

“ _Pucker up soldier.”_ Then he mashed his lips to the screen, and Bucky could hear him laughing until the now blurry screen went dark a minute later.

Swallowing against the lump in his throat, Bucky ripped open the other envelope and two pictures fell out.

One was Tony, obviously in the Build-a-Bear workshop, holding up a bear dressed in army fatigues, the stripes on his little uniform proudly proclaiming him a Master Sergeant, and a red star sewn into his shoulder.

The other picture was the army bear and the Tony bear sitting on a pillow, noses pressed together like they were kissing.

“ _Look!”_ Tony’s note on the back read, “  _even the Bucky Bear and Tony Bear want to be kissing all the time!”_

Bucky picked up his bear, and breathed in the scent of  _Tony,_ knowing the stuffed animal wouldn’t tell anyone if his little suit got wet with tears.


	12. Chapter 12

**To: Tony**

**–So a year ago (ish) I got the first letter from you, and this will come out fairly sappy, but Tony I had no idea how much writing you would change my life. Thank you for writing me first, for always writing me back, for calling in favors and talking on the phone with me, for not throwing me out when I showed up at your work, for caring enough about my friends to send them packages. I– well,** _**you know.** _

**–I love the bear. So much. And thank you for the picture. I’ll return the favor and include one of me in here. The video was the dorkiest cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Tony you are fucking adorable.**

**–Any progress on the super soldier thing? Steve had a meeting with a few people about it the other day. He’s being pretty tight lipped, not wanting word to get out to other soldiers so I don’t know much of anything right now.**

**–I’m being as safe as I can be, baby. Heading out again in the morning.**

**–I miss you.**

**–PS. Steve took the picture. Said that even as a straight guy the pic makes him want to fuck me… so… yeah hopefully it works on you too. It was an awkward thing for Steve to say but I wouldn’t mind hearing you say it.**

**************************

Tony couldn’t stop staring at the picture, his chin resting in his palm, his other hand rubbing tense circles on his thigh under the desk because he couldn’t exactly get off in the middle of a meeting, but damn he was tempted to try it.

Bucky.

Wearing just his dog tags and a pair of black silk  _so tight are you kidding me_ boxer briefs.

He was leaning up against a wall, big arms crossed to show off his biceps, legs spread just enough to show off the bulge between his legs that short circuited Tony’s brain until the only thing on repeat was  _holy fuck I need my mouth on that asap._

His blue eyes looked nearly turquoise against the sandstone wall, framed by dark hair that was nearly long enough to touch his shoulders, such big  _broad_  shoulders, and Tony couldn’t stop running his fingers over the picture, tracing the lines of Bucky’s abdomen, down to where he really was just  _barely_ covered.

“Tony. Pay attention.” Pepper whispered next to him, and Tony jumped.

“Not sorry.” He whispered back, keeping the picture front and center in the file he was supposed to be reading from.

“Tony just put that away! We are in the middle of a very important– holy  _crap_  Tony is that your  _soldier_?” Peppers lovely little mouth dropped wide open and Tony turned away from her, hunching over the picture dramatically to keep her from looking.

“Get your own GI Joe!” He snapped, and whichever board member had been speaking, stopped, completely confused.

“Uh–What was that, Mr. Stark?”

“Nothing.” Resignedly, Tony put the picture away, forcing himself to listen to another progress report on a new line of body armor he had initiated months ago.

A few minutes later, Pepper slid a piece of paper towards him, clearing her throat pointedly.

Tony sent her a narrow look, and reached for the note.

_Does he really look like that under his dress uniform?_

_**Better. I’m not even kidding.** _

_How have you not jumped in a plane and flown to Afghanistan and dragged him back home??_

_**Because you made me come to this meeting you evil ginger.** _

Pepper started giggling, and Tony joined in, both of them ignoring the looks of disapproval from the other board members.

“Good for you, Tony.” She whispered.

“You know I know it.” He whispered back.

_********************_

_Bucky Baby_

_–Happy Anniversary to us, soldier. Best year (ish) ever. That picture makes me want to do just dirty messy things to you. Also sweet things, but for the most part just messy things._

_–In the meantime I might blow it up about a thousand times and hang it from my ceiling. Come lay on my couch and I’ll draw you like a French girl. Just come lay on my couch anyway so I can lay next to you._

_–You_ _**are** _ _wearing off on me by the way. I have started thinking in these gross flowery sentences and wondering how to put them on paper for you. Watch out poet-man, I’m getting romantic._

_–By the way even Pepper is jealous of that picture. Congratulations. You made my ice queen assistant drool during a board meeting._

_–I’ve had two more meeting re:super soldier. I gave what you said about entire units vs single soldiers some thought and I have to agree. I hate the idea of you as one though. I kind of hate the idea of super soldiers at all i think, but I’d rather be designing the robotics than let Hammer Tech get a shot at ruining things, so I have a few different ideas in pre-production stage as we speak._

_–I will keep you as informed as I can, I would love input from you, would like the chance to sit with Steve and really talk about it. I refuse to design something our soldiers aren’t on board with. I’ll see what I can do about a video conference or something. First us, privately because… come on. And then Steve can come in once the clothes are back on._

_–Since you aren’t sure when you will be back from rotation, I’ll include your Valentine’s Day present with this letter._

_–Stay safe soldier. I don’t know exactly when your 21 months is up, but it’s gotta be soon right? Within a year? I just want you home._

_Tony_

_–PS in case it wasn’t super obvious, by_ _**home** _ _I meant home with me. Penthouse. Pillows. Waking up together. Home._

_–PPS. DO NOT OPEN YOUR PRESENT WHILE AROUND OTHER PEOPLE. Definitely NSFW._

_********************_

“Get out.” Bucky jumped to his feet and started pushing Steve out the door. “Get out get out get out.”

“Bucky, this is  _my_ room.” Steve laughed and planted his feet, refusing to move. “Find somewhere else to read your love letters.”

“Get out I need some time.” Bucky insisted, and pulled harder, yanking the Captain off balance.

“Bucky–”

“Steve.” Bucky looked at him pleadingly. “Come on man. I’ve got a letter from Tony, you know I can’t read it in the barracks with the rest of the unit, and they are  _all_  in there right now.”

Steve sighed overly loud, and stomped back to his desk, retrieving a few things he needed, then noisily and grumpily slapped a bottle of lotion and a box of tissues on his end table. “Just air the room out will you?”

“God dammit Steve.” Bucky actually blushed, dropping his head to hide it and Steve clapped his hands, snorting with laughter.

“Too easy, Bucky. Seriously though. I know this is difficult on you. Especially with Tony not being a  _Tanya_ and most of the guys being… well. You know,   _obnoxious_.” He raised his eyebrows knowingly, his eyes softening. “Take your time.”

Bucky nodded gratefully. “Thanks man. Appreciate it.”

“Not a problem.” Steve left then, tapping the door so Bucky remembered to lock it after he left.

Bucky tossed a towel over Steve’s bed because… well, whether the present was  _that_ sort of present of not he as going to spend some time thinking about Tony, and a towel was necessary.

Then he sat down and tried to get comfortable, ripping the box wide open.

Inside was… lube.

A big bottle that simply said ‘Gun Oil’ across the side. Tony had attached a sticky note that read:

_Literally only bought this because I knew it would make you laugh. And because thinking about you ‘cleaning your gun’ made me need to excuse myself from the room. So you know… do some cleaning soldier. Hopefully the pictures help._

Bucky’s lips twitched up in a smile and he uncapped the bottle, his smile getting bigger when he realized the lube smelled like dark licorice. Not his favorite scent, but he knew Tony  _loved_  it.

He reached for the envelope next, and dropped right on the floor when he caught a glimpse of the pictures inside.

“God  _dammit_ Tony.” He muttered, tugging his fingers through his hair. “What the hell are you  _doing_  to me baby?”

The first one he picked up was pretty innocent, looking like something Pepper might have taken, Tony in his suit, tie off, shirt opened, laughing as he lifted a glass of whiskey to his lips.

It was a great shot, making him look happy and young and soft. Bucky kissed the picture longingly, and set it aside, swallowing hard as he reached for the next one, the one that had made him drop them all to begin with.

Pepper  _definitely_  hadn’t taken this one.

Tony lay stretched out across his giant bed, arms behind his head, a cocky smirk across his lips, and  _so-much-bare-skin_ Bucky was having a hard time not drooling, and then–

 _Panties._ Tony was wearing just a blue pair of tiny, boyshort cut  _panties_. Crystal pale blue, lacy, delicate,  _feminine,_ **lovely** panties.

Bucky didn’t think he’d ever gone from  _relaxed_  to  _hard_  so fast in his life.

He pressed the heel of his hand against his zipper, his head banging back against the wall as  _desire want pleasure_ zinged through him. “Dammit Tony.”

He fumbled with his clasp, forcing his pants down his thighs and spreading his legs, one knee bent on the bed, the other foot resting on the floor. Reaching for the-  _gun oil,_ Bucky had to chuckle- lube and pouring a generous amount into his palm, he ran his hand from the thick base of his cock to the fat head, back arching off the bed as the liquid warmed against his skin.

_Tony in panties Tony in panties Tony in panties._

He was already panting, touching himself with long even strokes, forcing himself to move slowly as he reached with a clean hand for the next picture.

The next picture was worse, or rather  _better_ , as Tony had freed his own cock from the dainty material, the hand holding it hidden by the panties, making an obscene bulge against the lace, the tip of his cock looking so red and wet that Bucky’s tongue flicked out to lick his lips, desperately wanting a taste.

Tony’s arm was flung over his eyes, hiding most of his expression, but Bucky could tell he was biting his bottom lip, and he copied the motion, sinking further down in the bed as heat built at the base of his spine.

“Oh sweet thing.” He moaned, tossing his head and closing his eyes, imagining lying right next to Tony in that overly big bed, imagining running his mouth all over that lace, tracing the cock inside with his tongue, imagining how Tony’s eyes would be blown wide, so dilated they would be close to be black, the way he’d say Bucky’s name as he got closer and closer to the edge.

His grip around himself tightened, and his hand moved faster and faster, twisting over the leaking head, spreading the thin liquid as much as he could, the lube making everything so slick and wet and  _warm_ and he grabbed at the third picture.

Tony’s mouth wide open, pink tongue out. One hand digging into his spiky hair. Eyes closed in bliss. His beautiful scarred chest. All those lean muscles.

His stomach painted with come, his still hard cock lying in a puddle of it, his fingers digging into his thigh, hips still pushed into the air, the pretty lace soaked through.

_The picture had been taken right as he was coming._

Bucky’s back bowed under the force of his orgasm, and he nearly bit his tongue off trying not to scream.

_Too much too much tonytonytony ohbaby sweetheart I love you I love you I fucking love you._


	13. Chapter 13

_**Haiku for Tony** _

_****************** _

_**I Want to Lie With You,** _

_**Every Inch of Your Body** _

_**Pressed Up Against Mine.** _

 

_**Can We be Unclothed?** _

_**Can I Trace Each Inch of Skin** _

_**With My Fingertips?** _

 

_**Will You Let Me See?** _

_**Will You Let Me Come Explore** _

_**Your Secret Places?** _

 

_**I Want to Hear You,** _

_**I Want to See Everything,** _

_**Ev’ry Expression.** _

 

_**Tell Me Where to Touch,** _

_**Tell Me How to Use My Mouth,** _

_**Tell Me and Show Me.** _

__

_**And I’ll Bring You Up** _

_**To Just the Edge of Pleasure,** _

_**To the Edge of Bliss.** _

 

_**Then Bring You Over.** _

_**I’ll Be Here to Catch You, Love.** _

_**Come Now, Scream for Me.** _

**–Tony please don’t ask me to not say it. I don’t know if I can stop myself anymore. There’s your warning. You don’t have to say it back, but I don’t think I’ll be able to wait much longer.**

**–I miss you, need you, so intently it’s like a physical ache inside me. I don’t understand how a handful of letters and a night together has translated to** _**this** _ **but it has and I am powerless against it.**

**–Please. Please just tell me you feel the same way. You don’t have to say it. A yes or no will work for me. I need you to either break my heart or save me with your next letter, I feel like there’s no in between anymore. Just tell me yes or no.**

**–I wish I could write for hours today because I want to talk to you so badly but we are heading out. I am dropping this off at the mail center on my way off base.**

**–Know that your pictures nearly killed me, so gorgeous. Save those panties, I want to see them up close and personal. I added a zipper to my Tony Bear, and now I can store everything in him so I don’t have to hide them.**

**–Write me back, sweetheart, sweet thing, Tony my gorgeous man, write me back. I’ll be waiting.**

**-PS I definitely laughed at the gun oil lube. Smells like something you would enjoy, but I liked the warming thing. I used it right away when I opened the box ;)**

***********************

***********************

_To: Bucky_

_–I can’t say yes loud enough. Yes, Bucky yes. I can’t say it, not like you can, I’m getting better but still not great with the whole pretty words/feelings thing. But yes._

_–I ruined the blue ones, but I bought more. Wasn’t sure if you’d go for the pretty-fem thing but I thought it was worth a shot. Glad you loved them, I can’t wait to wear something like that for you for real. Tell me all your favorite colors, I’ll get a different style in each._

_–Please be safe, I will—_

Tony’s phone rang, and he stopped writing with an annoyed groan.

Pepper had taken the afternoon off, so he  _had_ to answer the phone, which was about the worst thing he could imagine doing while he was supposed to be kind-of-sort-of-confessing his love to his soldier.

“What?” He snapped, smashing the speakerphone button and tapping his pen irritably on the desk. “I have no control over anything, and I haven’t signed a damn thing all day. You probably are trying to reach Pepper, so just call back!”

“Is this Mr. Stark?” The voice on the other end was strong and sure and more than a little authoritative. “Tony Stark?”

Tony straightened a little in surprise. “Speaking. Who is this and what can I do for you?”

“Mr. Stark, this is Captain Steve Rogers, with the–”

“Bucky’s friend.” Tony interrupted. “He’s talked a lot about you. What can I do for you Captain?”

“Mr. Stark, I’m calling because I knew the Army wouldn’t think to call you and I felt that you should be made aware of the current situation.”

Tony dropped his pen, words turning to bile in his throat. “Why wouldn’t the Army— what situation? What happened?”

“Mr. Stark, um, Tony, I have some bad news.” The Captain’s voice relaxed to something less formal. “I know Bucky wouldn’t want you to worry and he’ll probably kick my ass for even saying anything, but–”

“Get to the point, Captain!” Tony said loudly, already afraid that he knew where this was going. There was only reason someone like Steve would be calling him.

 _Only one reason_.

“Right.” Steve cleared his throat. “During this last rotation, we came under enemy fire and Bucky is, well, he’s…missing. We lost sight of him during the skirmish and when everything cleared, he was gone.”

“How long?” Tony asked hoarsely. “How long has he been gone?”

“Four days.” Steve’s voice was grim, exhausted. “We searched for him for four days before they pulled us back to base.”

“I-I–” Tony didn’t know what to say, wasn’t even sure he could draw a full breath. “Captain I don’t–”

“Understand that I will  _not_ stop looking for him.” Steve said firmly. “I will not. We had to get our wounded out of the desert, but we will go back out for him. Tony, I’m not leaving him out there.”

“Thank you. Thank you for calling me.” Tony blurted, “Thank you for thinking of me. You’re right, I never would have known and I would have just sat and worried and–”

“He’s my best friend.” Steve’s voice got a little rougher. “He’s my best friend Tony, and I know how much you mean to him, you deserved to know.”

“Thank you.” Tony repeated, his whole body feeling numb and cold.

“I’ll bring him home Tony, I promise.”

“I’ll hold you to it.”

It wasn’t until after Steve hung up, until after Tony reached for his pen out of habit to finish his letter that it finally registered in his mind.

_Bucky’s missing. Four days._

He started shaking, slipping out of his chair to sit against the wall, head between his knees.

_Bucky’s missing._


	14. Chapter 14

**Week One**

_To: Bucky_

_–I’m going to pretend like I’m not freaking out over you being MIA because me panicking won’t solve anything. So I’m just going to talk about regular things, because writing to you makes me feel somewhat connected._

_–Re:super soldier program. I have been working on designing prosthetic for the program. The below knee leg prosthetic is actually showing great promise. Reinforcing it to be borderline lethal when kicked out has been an interesting experiment._

_–The balance between heavy enough to hurt but not too heavy to move is a hard one to achieve. I’m worried that the metal limb will actually have to be wired into the nerves of the thigh to be anything more than a battering ram. Of course that involves messing with soldiers brains and I just don’t know how I feel about that._

_–Working on an arm as well right night now, and I know without even starting that I’d have to hot wire a brain to make sure the arm is fully functioning. Scary stuff. The idea that some scientist out there is working on something like this terrifies me._

_–I have to attend another charity dinner this evening. I feel like the last one we attended together was so much better than this one will be, but that’s mostly because I knew I was getting laid later that night. Tonight not so much._

_–Show back up on base so Steve and I will stop worrying_

_–Miss you_

_***************_

**Week Two**

_To: Bucky_

_–the charity dinner was just as bad as I feared. Since you weren’t here to scowl and make veiled threats, Justin Hammer was all over me. I don’t know why he thinks I’m interested because I’m definitely not. I think maybe I’ll just start mailing in my checks to the foundations. Nobody actually wants to talk to me there anyway._

_–this might come across as insensitive, but I’m kind of having the time of my life designing this robotic limbs. It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten to just sit in my lab and tinker around with all my robots and tools and it’s kind of awesome._

_–I am still… very torn about the idea of having to wire these things into someone’s head, but for now I can manipulate the arm with electrical impulses and it’s just cool to watch. The fingers all move individually, the wrist rotates. I’ve built robots before but not like this. If it wasn’t covered in shiny grey metal it would be a human arm lying on my table and that is fascinating._

_–I sounded creepy didn’t I? Channeling my inner Victor Frankenstein? Little did you know your innocent little billionaire wanted to design body parts._

_–Hurry back alright? Steve calls me once a week and he sounds more worried each time. For his sake come back. For my sake too. I miss you, Bucky Bear._

_– I switched my poems out. The first one sits on my desk, and the second is next to my bed. It makes me feel like there’s something of your around me all the time. When you come home will you read that second poem to me? I especially want to hear the line “come now, scream for me.”_

_–Come home soldier_

**************************

**Week Three**

“Tony.”

“Captain Rogers.” Tony lay the metal arm back on his lab table, and took his phone off speaker. “Steve what can I do for you?”

“Just checking in. How are things on your end?”

“Um… just working. Working on the robotic arm today. I feel like a half leg isn’t going to cut. It will have to be an entire replacement from hip to foot.”

“That sounds awful. Painful. I can’t imagine anyone would volunteer for that.”

“The only good news is, with a total leg replacement, we can avoid the wiring into the brain thing. I do feel like they’d have a limp for a few weeks, but hey, total hip replacements aren’t for the faint of heart, right? A limp would absolutely be worth being able to use this thing, it really is very–”

“You talk when you’re nervous, Tony?”

“I talk regardless, but more when I’m nervous, why do you ask?”

Steve laughed, an  _actual_  laugh and Tony raised an eyebrow. “Are you  _sure_ you and Bucky have never tried anything together? Because a laugh like that could melt butter. And I know for a fact that man has a voice kink. Well he and I both do, and I feel like I could rapidly develop one for you.”

Tony was joking of course, but that didn’t make it any less funny when Steve stuttered and stammered for a full thirty seconds before finally saying, “That was a weird thing to say, Tony. Maybe don’t say that anymore.”

“Weirder than you telling Bucky his picture made even  _you_ consider fucking him?”

“Damn no such thing as secrets between you two are there?” Steve laughed again and this time Tony joined in, letting himself relax for just a minute.

“So what’s up, Captain? While I am thoroughly enjoying hearing that deep lovely voice, I’m sure you didn’t call just to chat.”

“No, Tony I didn’t.” Steve hesitated. “Tony, they want to call off the search for Bucky. It’s been almost four weeks. They will be visiting his family in Brooklyn to let them know. They want-they want me to deliver the—”

“Stop.” Tony interrupted. “Don’t tell me that. Why would you tell me that?”

“I just wanted you to know. The Army wouldn’t think to call you, and I didn’t want you to–”

“You told me you’d bring him home.” Tony gripped the edge of the table so hard his fingers turned white. “Steve you said–”

“  _I'm_ not giving up, Tony.” He snapped. “Alright? I’m not. But the official word coming down from Washington is that Bucky was killed in—”

“God dammit.” Tony snapped his phone shut and pitched it across the lab. “Damn it.”

****************

**Week Five**

_To Bucky_

_–sorry I didn’t write last week. Steve called me and we had an awkward (for him) chat about voice kinks and then he told me something really upsetting that I’m not going to repeat. So yeah, sorry. I was distracted and upset and it took me a few days to_   _come down._

_–Re: super soldier project is going really really well. Kind of abandoned the leg idea. Too much weight, not enough maneuverability. Focused on the arm these last two weeks, and it’s incredible what it can do. The whole wiring to the brain… still bothering me. I wish you’d just write me back already with your opinion on that. But, via computer tests, it seems like the arm would be capable of punching through a concrete wall. Holding up to eight times the average body weight of a man. That’s nearly half a ton, Bucky. Half a ton._

_–I feel like I’m nerding out about this and you are rolling your eyes._

_–Come home soon, soldier. I’m not going to say I’m worried, because I’m actually freaking the fuck out._

_–Please come home Bucky_

_***************_

**Week Six**

“Tony. Are you alright?” Pepper brushed a curl off his forehead. It had been months since his last haircut, and his usual spikes had given way to those soft brown curls she loved so much. “Did you sleep here all night?”

“I wouldn’t say I slept.” Tony lifted his head from his desk, his eyes bloodshot, scratching his no longer tidy goatee. “And no,I’m not alright but thanks for asking.”

“I heard from Captain Rogers.” She said quietly, sympathetically. “Tony I’m so–”

“Don’t.” He shook his head. “Please.”

“Have you still been writing him?”

Tony gestured weakly towards the notebook and pen next to him.

Another letter was scribbled, a whole page, talking about the robotic arm he’d been working on, the meeting with the German team and how he’d left pissed off because they wanted to move to human experiments immediately after he’d told them about how great the experiment was going.

How he was unsure of the morality of the whole thing and was struggling with the idea of juicing up a soldier to turn him into a better killing machine.

Then he talked about how much he missed hearing from Bucky, how maybe he was pushing himself in an unhealthy direction by keeping up with the letters, how he had started thinking after six almost seven weeks maybe he needed to accept what the military had said, and go–

Then he had stopped writing, scratching out the last several lines.

“Come here okay?” Pepper turned his chair so he faced her, and stepped between his legs, wrapping her slim arms around his shoulders. “Come on. Come on honey.” She rubbed his back, and Tony lay his head on her soft stomach, pressing in close and taking deep, shaky breaths.

“I’m not going to tell you to stop, Tony. I would never presume to tell you how to grieve. You’ve lost so much family, been so lonely your whole life. You deal with this how you need to, but I’m here, okay? I’m here if you need me.”

“Is you being here gonna cost me?” Tony sniffed loudly. “Like is this gonna be one of those times I have to buy you sparkly things for doing more than you should as my assistant?”

“No, Tony this is something I’m doing because we are friends, and even though you’re a complete asshole most days, I love you.”

“I.. I… me too.” Tony finally said and Pepper laughed quietly.

“You can’t even say it to me and we are as platonic as can be. It’s not that scary of a word.”

“You say that, but my head is sitting in between your boobs right now. I don’t think it’s the most platonic position in the world.”

“Damn it Tony.” She huffed, but didn’t push him away, instead just held him tighter when he clung to her. “I’m here, okay?”

“Will you lay with me for a while?” Tony rubbed his nose in her stomach and closed his eyes. “I haven’t really slept in weeks. And apparently even geniuses need sleep to function. I think I’ve started hallucinating and not in the fun trippy way.”

“Come on then, Einstein.” She pulled at his arms to get him to stand.

She sat on one side of his big couch, placing a pillow in her lap, and Tony lay down on his stomach, sliding his arms around her little waist and getting as close he could.

“Thank you.” He mumbled, and she ran her fingers through his shaggy hair.

“Of course.”

****************

**Week Seven**

_To Bucky_

_–My ice queen assistant has a heart after all. She has been the best, strongest friend I could ask for right now. Even said I didn’t have to buy her anything for all the extra nice she’s been, but I still bought her a new pair of shoes._

_–Did you know Jimmy Choos go for upwards of three thousand?_ _Because now I do. I’m actually just kidding about Pepper. You met her, right? She’s the best person in the world. Really she has always been more than amazing to me and most days I wouldn’t know what to do without her. These days I’m not even sure I'd_ _**function** _ _without her._

_–I don’t know if writing you is helping me or not, I feel like it’s a habit more than anything. Every Wednesday, sit down and write Bucky a letter. I wish you were getting them. Maybe_ _**then** _ _it would actually help me. But maybe not. I don’t know anymore, Bucky._

_–Two months. Two months since Steve called me the first time. Most of the time I tell myself I must be dreaming, and then I flip through the mail and there’s never a letter from you and it all just comes… back._

_–Only thing that keeps my mind busy is the super soldier program. Recent news is that the Russians have been pursuing the same thing, and now the German team as well as several scientists from Sweden are pushing for faster results. Worried that the Russians either are_ _**ahead** _ _of us, or working with some bastardized version of our research. And not to toss stereotypes around, but history shows the Russians aren’t as careful as we are before strapping someone down and experimenting in them._

_–Really neither are Germans, but the Russians are who we are worried about. I’m worried that they may in fact already be experimenting. I have tagged reports coming from Europe of bodies being found with metal parts, people who were formerly nice going berserk and killing. Sounds like half assed technology and tainted super serum to me._

_–Please please please come home._

*****************

**Week Eight**

“Mr Stark!” From across the lobby, a bespectacled man jogged towards Tony, hand held out in greeting.

“Doctor Perrson.” Tony shook the doctor’s hand firmly. “How are things on this side of the pond?”

“Moving along wonderfully!” Perrson clapped his his hands. “I trust you brought the arm with you? My team is very excited to finally get a look at it!”

“I brought one of the arms, yes.” Tony nodded. “And the super serum? You have all the paperwork I asked for? All the completed tests?”

“Here!” The doctor eagerly handed Tony the files on the serum, the chemical makeup of the drug, the results of the lab tests, the side effects.

“Somewhere I can read?” Tony raised an eyebrow, and the Swedish man ushered him through a set of doors into a small office.

“You won’t be disturbed here.” he promised. “Take all the time you need.”

Tony flipped through the pages carefully.

Of course, he’d been reading each set of notes as the researchers had filled them in, been watching videos of the animal testing for weeks.

He’d also been researching each and every doctor that passed through the doors of the research facility. There AWOL been more news clips of roided out killings, of men going missing and showing back up missing limbs out of Russia, and Tony was  _convinced_ someone was leaking information. He didn’t know who it was yet, but when he found out there would be hell to pay.

As far as he could tell, the body count of mutilated men and soldiers from Russia was up in the few dozens, and that was only the ones being reported to the news stations.

At least the tests on their end were positive. So far the only side effect noticeable had been the sudden lack of sleep the mice and chimps needed. They were staying up for days at a time, calm and collected, eating huge amounts of food, but hardly sleeping at all.

One interesting instance where a test chimp had banged on the bars of his cage, ready to eat, and then bars had first bent, then snapped as if they were paper mache. The monkey hadn’t shown any aggression after realizing his sudden new strength. In fact, he had retreated to the back of his cage, completely befuddled, and they hadn’t had any other problems.

The cages had been replaced with something a little sturdier, and the tests had continued on.

In one more disturbing test, a mouse that had been injected had fought over food with another mouse, and what should have been a quick little bite to force the other to back off, had instead taken the head off the offending little creature.

Researchers had of course, put that mouse down.

Really nothing to raise any eyebrows. Two odd reactions out of hundreds of tests was nearly unheard of in the medical world, and the scientists were thrilled.

Tony still struggled with it.

With the morality, with the whole playing god thing. With strapping a soldier down and grafting a metal limb to his body, connecting it to his mind. Pumping him full of this super serum to turn him nearly invulnerable. Making a man into a weapon.

He struggled every day with it. Just like he struggled every day with thinking that Bucky was gone.

But he supposed it was time to accept the inevitable in both cases, wasn’t it?

Tony reached for his pen to sign his approval on the dotted line.

****************

**Week Nine**

Tony sat in his office and drank from his favorite whiskey, the one that hadn’t been his favorite until Bucky had shared it with him.

When the bottle was empty, Pepper came to help him to his suite, helping him into bed and smoothing his hair back from his tired face.

She pressed a kiss to his cheek, turned the soldier bear on his nightstand so it was watching over Tony, and turned off the light.

**_[{{FAN ART}}](https://not-close-to-straight.tumblr.com/post/159037968643/latelierderiot-grieving-tony-for) _ **

**************

**Week Ten**

_Mr. Stark,_

_–We have received our first volunteer for the super soldier program. He has asked to remain anonymous, just in case things go badly, but he asked that we inform you that he will never stop looking, and that this will only help his cause._

_–He assured us you would understand._

_–While we wish you would reconsider and come to Germany for this auspicious occasion, we understand your reticence, especially in the light of the negative press we have endured in these past weeks._

_–We have every confidence our compound will work perfectly, and once you have seen the proof for yourself, we hope you will be open to sharing the robotic side of this project, the side you have dedicated so many months to, so we can continue to find ways to better arm and protect our soldiers._

_–Dr. Perrson and Team_

Tony took a long drink from his glass of whiskey, and stared at the letter dully.

It was Steve. He had volunteered for the program. Thought it would help him find Bucky.

Tony hated himself for hoping.

***************

**Week Eleven**

_To Bucky_

_–I’m willing to admit I’m grieving, in my own alcohol and work fueled way. I’m still firmly in denial about ANYTHING so lets just say I’m grieving because you have stopped writing me, and leave it at that._

_–I’ve decided to redirect all this into something productive though. I have been working on the robotic arm non stop for weeks now, and am ready to actually step foot out of my lab and maybe mingle with the public for a bit._

_–Basically I mean to make a big splashy public appearance so people quit saying I have become some sort of recluse, and then I will bury myself back in my lab and in a bottle of whiskey again. I’m not saying it’s healthy to cope this way, but it is what it is._

_–I’ve been reading your poetry over and over again. I wish just once I could express myself like that. I’ve never doubted how you felt about me, but now I wonder if you doubted me. I wonder if all this happened and you never really knew 100% and that thought makes me sick to my stomach._

_–I hear they are close to getting ready to test the super serum on a volunteer soldier. I won’t be attending the test session, since i have no desire to ever go to Germany, but I am being kept informed of everything. This could really change the world,_   _Bucky, for better or worse._

_–I know I hated the idea of you becoming a super soldier but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish you were, in fact, juiced up on all this serum crap. Because then I’d know for sure you weren’t hurt._ ~~_Or worse_ ~~ _._

_–Miss you, Bucky Bear. Every single day._

****************

**Week Twelve**

Tony wrote a check for a two hundred and fifty thousand dollars and handed it to the administrator of the New York Association of VA hospitals.

The papers wanted a picture so he posed with a few soldiers, fingers up in a peace sign, hoping the smile on his face was happier than he felt.

The next day he visited the Children’s Hospital, and handed them a nice big check too.

Later that same day, he donated the several acres of land he owned near a poorer part of the city to be turned into a park for the local children.

When a smart mouthed secretary asked what good the land was if they couldn’t get the money to build anything, Tony had pulled out his checkbook without even blinking, putting enough zeros on the check to cover whatever a park needed to be fun for the kids.

Pepper spent all day every day fielding phone calls. People asking for handouts, reporters wanting quotes, less reputable reporters asking if Tony was dying, if that’s why he was giving away money like this.

“A million dollars.” She said, dropping into the chair across from him with a sigh. “A million dollars this week, Tony. What the hell are you doing?”

“You promised you wouldn’t tell me how to grieve.” He said, staring out the window. “You promised.”

“But this is so much money! The VA hospital, the Children’s Hospital, the parks. You donated to the dog shelter, to the women’s rescue mission… and all in Brooklyn. What’s going on?”

“Bucky’s from Brooklyn.” Tony answered, crossing his arms and hunching his shoulders. “It’s where he grew up.”

Pepper shut her mouth, and picked up the stacks of paperwork that went with such large donations. “No problem.”

She let herself out of the office.

*****************

**Week Thirteen**

“Tony!”

“Steve?” Tony checked the caller ID on his phone and frowned. “Captain? Where are you calling from?”

“A transport plane!” Steve was shouting over the wind, one finger in his ear trying to hear. “Tony, I’m bringing him home!”

“ _What_?”

Pepper cried out when Tony’s knees gave out, when he staggered and nearly collapsed against his desk, pushing her hands away as he clutched at the phone.

“Repeat that Captain. Repeat it  _now_.”

“I’m bringing him home Tony! He’s alive and I’m bringing him home.”

“Steve?!” Tony started yelling into the phone when it cut out. “ _Steve_?! Are you bringing Bucky home?!”

The call cut out completely and Tony threw his phone across the room in frustration?

“Tony?” Pepper asked cautiously, and Tony didn’t answer- couldn’t answer, burying his face in his hands and wanting to scream in frustration because he just didn’t  _know_.

In the transport plane thousands and thousands of miles away, Steve hung up and tossed the phone onto his pack.

Then he stood and stared down at the man strapped down to the bench across the plane.

He had kind of lied.

He swallowed hard, looking at the mangled red stump where Bucky’s left arm and shoulder had been.

And felt a little sick, looking at where a metal arm was hanging loosely, limply, wires disappearing under Bucky’s pale skin.

He was bringing Bucky home, alright.

But he wasn’t bringing him home in one piece.


	15. Chapter 15

“Move.” Tony wove his way through the group of people in the lobby of the medical center. “Move!” he snapped louder, and the crowd started parting to make way.

“What can I do for you sir?” the bored looking receptionist asked without even looking up from her computer. “I would be happy to answer any and all questions you have today.”

“I just need directions to the elevator.” Tony said quickly. “I need to be up on the eighth floor right now.”

“Oh, I’m sorry sir, but no one is allowed past the third floor without an appointment. Do you have an appointment, sir?” The receptionist popped her gum as she rattled off what she had no doubt recited hundreds of times before.

“Are you serious? An appointment?” Tony whipped off his sunglasses to glare at her. “Do you even know who I am?”

She flicked uninterested eyes over him. “Handsome and stressed?’ she shrugged. “Do you have an appointment? If you don’t have an appointment, I can’t do anything for you.”

“I don’t need a fucking appointment!” he shouted. “You call Dr Persson right now and tell him that Tony  _fucking_ Stark is standing downstairs in the lobby! Call him  _now_!”

“Shouting isn’t going to get you anywhere, sir, now if you would please repeat your name, I can check Dr. Perrson’s schedule and see if there is any way to fit you in sometime with in the next five to seven–”

“Oh my god.” Tony threw up his hands. “What in the ever loving actual fu–”

“Tony!” he stopped talking when someone called his name across the lobby. “Tony Stark!”

“Wow, look at that, someone in this backwards country actually knows–”

“Maybe you don’t insult the Germans, huh?” Steve silenced him with a quick comment and a firm handshake. “Captain Steven Rogers. Its a pleasure to finally meet you.”

“Steve.  _Wow_.” Tony looked away for a second to collect himself, to swallow back the emotion suddenly clogging throat over meeting someone so close to Bucky. “Good to meet you, Captain. Wish it was under better circumstances.”

“You and me both.” Steve led him across the room to the elevators, pushing the button for the eighth floor. “I had kind of assumed I’d meet you at the wedding or something but–”

“Oh, are you getting married?’ Tony asked, hardly caring, but trying for polite.

“I meant yours and Bucky’s wedding.” Steve said, and Tony snapped his head around so fast his neck audibly popped. “And I was  _completely_ joking.” Steve added, holding his hands up. “Sorry. We should probably get to know each other better before I subject you to my terrible sense of humour, huh?”

“It’s fine.” Tony took a deep breath and tried to smile. “It’s…fine. So Bucky. He is…”

“Not doing great.” Steve finished. “But it’s a lot to explain right now, and you will understand more when you see him.”

“Alright.”

Silence fell in the elevator, until it slid to a smooth stop and the doors opened. Steve went first, and Tony followed quickly, down a long hallway, past several medical personnel and down another short corridor until they stood in front of large observation windows, staring at the form on the bed.

“Bucky.” Tony’s voice cracked, and he covered his mouth with his hand. “What the fuck. What in the  _actual fuck_ is going on? Why is he strapped down? He’s not a fucking  _animal,_ he needs medical attention! Where the hell is his doctor? Why is he so sedated? Steve,  _what is going on_?”

“Tony.” Steve said quietly, and pointed as two doctors carefully uncovered Bucky’s left arm. “ _That’s_  whats going on.”

“Oh  _Jesus_. No no no.” Tony shook his head, staring at the absolute mess that was Bucky’s left arm. “What-what–” he stopped talking since he couldn’t do much more than swear, and crossed his arms, waiting for an explanation from the big blond soldier.

“I found him in an abandoned hospital, about a hundred and ten miles west of the farthest place the unit and I had searched.” Steve began. “Not more than a four hour drive as the crow flies, but we just never made it that far. Not in that terrain. It would have taken us  _weeks_  to cover all that ground, searching the way we were.”

“Not blaming you.” Tony said, barely audible. “Not even close.”

“Thank you. Because I’ve been beating myself up for days. Ever since I found him. Kicking myself for not pushing the unit harder to find him.” Steve cleared his throat and shook his head. “It was bad Tony.”

“He was sedated, handcuffed, strapped to a medical table. He was pretty much unconscious the entire time, or at least until the plane arrived to get him out of there. Then he woke up and went to move and his arm- that, that piece of metal.”

Steve was breathing harder now, sounding like he was working his way towards a panic attack.

“He went to move his left arm, and it’s not all the way, um attached?- so he went to move, and I saw all those cords and wires jerk like..like nerves. And he screamed.”

Steve rested his forehead against the glass and closed his eyes. “Tony, I’ve  _never_  heard a man scream like that. His head was all bandaged up, there’s so many stitches under his hair, I don’t understand what they were attempting, but Bucky just kept screaming. It was– it was unreal. Awful.”

“The metal arm is wired into his brain.” Tony explained dully, not able to take his eyes off the still-as-death soldier lying in the other room.” “His mind thinks it’s his  _real_  arm. Thinks the wires are nerves and that it’s nearly severed from his body. But it’s not  _actually_  severed, so all those  wire nerves are just open and exposed and telling his mind how badly it hurts.”

“Good Christ.” Steve ran a hand over his face. “What the hell were they doing?”

“Exactly what we’re doing, just not as well.” Tony answered. “The super serum you injected yourself with has a robotic counterpart, which I have been working on. There were rumours that the Russians were working on the same thing and obviously–” he motioned to where Bucky lay so still. “They haven’t perfected it. Looks like they abandoned him half way through, just gave up and left him when they couldn’t fix it.”

“So what, they performed  _brain surgery_ on him? In some dirty hospital? And then just didn’t attach the arm all the way? I can’t imagine how much pain he’s in.”

“No.” Tony said quietly. “Neither one of us can.”

“I had to knock him out.” Steve confessed. “He just kept screaming so I just…clocked him. Took him out with one punch. Wrapped the arm as close as I could to his chest and strapped him into the plane to get him home. They are pumping him full of sedatives all day to keep him still until they figure out how to help him. They seem to think they can’t just disconnect the arm, and they certainly can’t leave it there, so we– we just don’t know what to do.”

“One punch?” Tony asked, eyebrows raised. “Really?”

Steve flexed his right hand.“Before the super serum it might have taken two or three, but not anymore.”

“Side effects?”

“I don’t sleep a whole lot.” Steve said, still not taking his eyes off Bucky. “I’ve become a lot more cautious, a lot more  _aware_ of my strength I suppose. I put a fifty pound punching bag through a wall when I was just warming up. Ran ten miles on the treadmill at the research facility in about thirty minutes. Maybe a little less, I’m not actually sure. Oh, and I’m actually two inches taller now. I used to be a flat six foot, now I’m six foot two and a little more.”

“Impressive.” Tony looked him over quickly. “So what, you juiced up and took off running across the desert?”

“Basically. I had to stay at the facility for a week to make sure my body took the serum alright, then they flew me back to base and I went looking for him. Not needing to stop to sleep a lot or even really rest made a difference.” he finally turned to look at Tony.

“So you’re designing the robotics on our end? Is that why you are here? To try and fix this?”

“I’m here because it's  _Bucky_ lying in that bed. I didn’t have any idea about the arm. But now that I’m here, you can damn well count on it that I will be  _fixing that shit.”_

They fell silent again, watching Bucky lying between all those machines.

“Do you love him?” Steve suddenly asked, but Tony didn’t answer.

He was already striding away down the hall, yelling for someone to find him Dr. Persson _right the fuck now._

******************************

“Mr. Stark, I understand you were–”

“So, a soldier gets rescued and has a metal arm grafted onto his body like some sort of Frankenstein experiment  and you didn’t think to call me?” Tony asked, pushing everything on the Doctors desk to the floor with a long sweep of his arms.

“Well, we didn’t think–”

“That what? I wouldn’t want to see exactly how far along our Russian friends were with the same technology I’ve been working on?” Tony’s voice rose, and he thumped the large suitcase down on the table, opening it with a flourish.

The Doctor flinched. “We were just going to–”

“Try to fix it yourselves? Leave that soldier sedated to the point of comatose and strapped down to a bed until he–he–” Tony took a deep breath, not even able to say the word. “You should have called me. You should be  _damn glad_ Captain Rogers called me. Kudos on the super serum by the way. Captain Rogers is the very definition of a successful super soldier and you should be proud of yourselves. Doesn’t mean I’m not still furious, but I will admit to being impressed.”

“Um, thank you?” the doctor said hesitantly, eyeing the pieces Tony was laying out on his desk. “Is that– did you bring an arm with you? Is this your prototype?’ his voice rose in excitement.

“I didn’t bring it with me, I had no reason to, considering you and your team had left me in the dark about this situation.” Tony nearly snarled.  “However I had it sent over from New York, and you should be damn glad it got here so soon, because now we can fix this. Now we can fix  _him._ ”

“What do you need from me?” Dr Perrson asked, staring at the arm in awe. “What can I do for you?”

“I need this desk, your lab.” Tony said decisively. “And for you and your team to stay the absolute living  _fuck_ out of my way.”


	16. Chapter 16

_To Bucky_

_–I’m going to hurt you today and I’m so sorry for that._

_–I have to remove the piece of shit they tried to graft onto you. Each wire I snip is going to hurt you, and when it’s all done I’m going to sit in my room and cry into my whiskey because I can’t handle this._

_–But I am going to save you Bucky. I will. I promise._

_****************_

_To: Bucky_

_– the arm is off, but the ends of the wires are still exposed. Short of cutting your skull open again and tracing each wire, I can’t just rip them out._

_–Your whole body spasmed every time I touched the wires, and it almost killed me. It nearly killed Steve._

_–He’s a good guy, you were right. Do you know he volunteered for the super soldier program just so he could go out and find you?_

_–he’s my hero. You both are._

_–I’m so sorry for hurting you soldier_

_**********************_

_To: Bucky_

_–I had to watch today as they opened your head up. They could pinpoint where the nerves are spliced with the wires, or something. I don’t really understand it all to be honest. I’m not really paying attention to be honest._

_–All I can think about is seeing you open your eyes. My favorite shade of blue. I can’t wait to see them again._

_– The doctors are scared to death of me. I think they think I will pay to have them killed if they mess this up. Little do they know all I’d have to do is look at Steve and he would rip them apart._

_–We are rooting for you soldier. Please wake up._

_********************_

_To: Bucky_

_–I attached your new arm today, the one I designed. They pumped you full of that serum they gave Steve to speed the healing, and I grafted the arm right into your shoulder. It’s a clean fit, a good fit. The serum will pump your strength so you hardly even notice the difference in arms._

_–This sounds awful to say, but when we tested it, but probing at the impulse switches implanted in your mind, it worked beautifully. Fingers twitched, arm flexed. It worked, Bucky. But I know underneath all that sedation you are still feeling some of this. When you wake up, you will be sore for weeks._

_–I am so sorry for that. Sorry for my part in hurting you._

_–Please wake up from this._

_******************_

_To: Bucky_

_–I cut your hair today. Gave you a shave. You will need a shower when you wake up, but at least I can see that sexy jaw line again. The scars on your shoulder and collarbone are brutal, but I like them. Because you_ _**will** _ _survive this. And the scars will remind us of all you made it through. And I’ll try some mouth to scar therapy when you wake up. It worked so well on me, it’s bound to work on you as well._

_–wake up soldier. I’m tired of never getting a reply to these letters. I haven’t left your bedside yet, and I’m not going to._

_*************_

_To: Bucky_

_–Okay, I might have lied in my last letter. I have to be gone for a few hours, dealing with the research team and doctors and trying to figure out what to do with this program from here. But I will be right back._

_–I’m leaving a notepad by your bed so if you decide to be an asshole and wake up while i’m gone, you can leave me a note._

_–It’s been a long three weeks, soldier, but I’m ready to talk to you again. It’s time to wake up. Please wake up._

_–Please write me back_

_*************_

… **..Tony**

***************

The word was shaky, barely legible, barely more than chicken scratch on the notepad.

But when Tony had come back to the room later that night, the notepad had been lying in Bucky’s lap, a pen dangling from limp fingers.

Tony dropped his head into his hands and finally let himself cry.


	17. Chapter 17

***************************

_Almost Three Weeks Later_

********************

“You’re not even trying.” Steve accused, ducking a weak swing. “ _Try_ , soldier. Come on, work with me.”

“If I  _try_ , I’ll put you through that wall.” Bucky argued, throwing a less than full power punch at Steve’s mid-section. “You want me to do that?”

“Give it a shot.” Steve encouraged. “This is good for me too. I haven’t really had alot of time to get used to the whole super soldier thing, so come on. Spar with me for real.”

“Captain.” Bucky shook his head. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“You’re never gonna be an effective part of this program if you refuse to work at it!” Steve insisted, and with something very much like a roar, Bucky lashed out with his left arm, connecting hard with Steve’s chest, and  _literally_ sending him through the opposite wall.

“I didn’t ask to be a part of this program!” Bucky shouted, as Steve crawled out of the rubble, coughing and brushing dust off himself. “I didn’t ask for this  _shit_! Don’t fucking lecture me on how to be an effective part of something I never–”

Steve shut him up with a jaw cracking punch, and Bucky went down hard.

“I don’t care, Bucky.” Steve rasped, one knee planted firmly on Bucky’s chest. “I don’t care if you didn’t want this. I joined this program to save your life. Tony flew out here to  _save your life._ And you are so much better than this. So much more of a man, or a soldier, to be throwing a fit because you don’t like the color of your new arm.”

“Because I don’t like the color?” Bucky’s eyes blazed in anger, and he leapt to his feet, the serum pumping through him making him twice as fast as he used to be.

“You think this has anything to do with something as petty as that?” He took a step forward, a solid kick knocking Steve back several feet. “I’m pissed because-”

“I don’t care!” Steve yelled right back. “I don’t care why you’re pissed!” they traded hard blows, moving around the training room, destroying punching bags, mats, anything that got in their way.

Finally Steve caught Bucky’s arm, his  _right_ arm, as it sailed towards him, and jerked hard, ripping Bucky off balance and onto the floor.

Steve followed this time, twisting the arm up behind Bucky’s back until the soldier stopped struggling.

“Bucky, you’re alive.” He panted. “You’re  _alive_. I brought you back, just like I promised I would. I  _promised_ Bucky. You can’t be angry with me for that.” Steve rested his head on his best friend’s shoulder for just a few seconds. “You can’t be angry at me for bringing you home. And I don’t care if you are. I’d do it every single time.”

“I know you didn’t want this. I had my doubts too, but its too late to go back now, isn’t it?  _Isn’t_  it?”

Bucky was quiet for a long time, and Steve let go of his arm, moving off his back to give Bucky some space.

“I’m not mad at you.” The soldier was breathing hard, shaking his head. “Not you, Steve. I’m not mad about– about this.” he held up his left arm, grimacing at the glinting metal. “I don’t like it, but you’re right. You saved me. The program saved me. Too late to go back now.”

“So what’s your problem, then?” Steve tossed him a bottle of water. “You’ve been sullen and withdrawn and won’t engage with me… what’s going on?”

Bucky stayed silent and Steve kicked at him. “Talk to me, Buck. I’ve known you since we were kids. No reason you can’ t tell me what’s wrong. Come on.”

“It’s Tony.” Bucky said finally, quietly, rolling over to sit with his knees drawn up to his chest. “He can’t even hardly look at me. He watches me recover, watches me train some days, but he won’t  _look_ at me. Not when I want him to. Not the  _way_ I want him to.”

Bucky pushed his too long hair out of his face, frowning over the length. “I just want to  _hold_  him, Stevie. Just want to hold him and…and fall asleep next to him. Wake up next to him and see him smile. I only got to do that one time, and now I feel like I’ll never able to do it again.”

“And why’s that?” Steve mirrored his friends posture, head tilted sympathetically. “Why do you think you’ll never get to do that again?”

“Because I’m part machine now? Because I’ve been gone for so long/ Because I’m not the same soldier who wrote him letters, and sappy poems, or said romantic things about his scars. I’m not.” Bucky snorted in disgust.

“And he  _knows_ that, you know? Looks at me like I’m a fucking stranger sometimes. And I have no idea what to say to him. What can I possibly say to him now? And I’m so scared to hurt him. Terrified, actually. What if I go to grab him and hurt him? Is that why he doesn’t look at me? Is he scared of it too?”

“Well, to be fair…” Steve thought for a moment. “This is technically the longest time you’ve spent in each others presence, right? All of the other shit aside, maybe he’s feeling just as lost as you are. He thought the next time he saw you it would be…what, like roses and champagne and late nights and lots of home-from-deployment sex. Instead, he had to cut you open and piece you back together. Watch them pump you full of steroids just so you had a  _chance_  at survival.”

“Yeah. Yeah I guess.”

Steve stared down at the mat as he thought about his next words.

“Bucky.” he said slowly. “You were gone for thirteen weeks. I looked for you for  _thirteen_  weeks. And here… it took them nearly a  _month_ to put you back together here. It’s been four entire months of Tony thinking you were dead, of him mourning you and trying to deal with it all.”

He spread his hands helplessly. “I’m not trying to downplay what you went through Buck, but I know you were out of it for most of the time. Tony was awake and feeling everything. I had to call him to tell him you were missing. Then I had to call him and tell him the Army had declared you killed in action. He probably hasn’t even come to terms with the fact that you’re even  _actually alive,_ much less healthy, and well… you’re a freaking super soldier, now Bucky. You think he isn’t struggling with all this?”

“He thought I was dead?” Bucky shook his head. It hadn’t even occurred to him that Tony had believed that, all this time. No wonder he stared at Bucky like he was seeing a stranger. “Tony thought I was  _dead_?”

“We all did. Bucky, I never gave up hope, and I know Tony didn’t either, but I fully expected to bring you home in a body bag. I can’t say I was ready to do that, but I fully expected to.” He stood to his feet and reached out a hand to help Bucky up. “I think that Tony being awkward around you has less to do with being afraid that you’ll hurt him, and more to do with him not still not believing that you’re really alive.”

“Look, maybe it isn’t my place to say this, but if you look in Tony’s briefcase, he has a stack of letters for you. He wrote to you every week while you were missing, wrote to you every day while he has been here. My suggestion is that you read them, realize that the man loves you so much it physically hurts him, and then go do something about it. Because you  **are** the same guy, Bucky. Same punk kid from Brooklyn, same sappy poet, same strong soldier that he wrote all those letters to. The arm and the serum didn’t do anything to change that.”

Steve sent him a half smile. “And by ‘something’, I mean something _naked_ because believe me, there’s not a whole lot out there that good make-up sex can’t solve.”

“Was that awkward for you to say?” Bucky said , with a teasing grin.

“Easily one of the most awkward things ever.” Steve admitted with a groan. “But seriously, Bucky. You’ve been up and healed for two weeks now, and we are leaving for the states  _quick_. Do  _not_ get on that plane back home without making sure things are good between the two of you you hear? And don’t ever make me attempt to comfort you when you’re sad again, because  _dammit_ Bucky, I only know how to comfort crying girls, and I don’t want to try that method with you.”

Bucky laughed then, and rubbed the back of his neck ruefully. “Um, can we–” Steve rolled his eyes and reached out for a hug, wrapping both arms around his best friend. Bucky hugged him back, hard.“I– well, I love you Steve. You always got my back. Thank you.”

“I love you too, man.” Steve said gruffly. “And I’m with you, always. Now quit holding me and go grope someone that actually enjoys it.”

Bucky flipped him off, and went to shower, and then find Tony.


	18. Chapter 18

Bucky read every letter in Tony’s nightstand, sitting on the bed holding a pillow that smelled like Tony and trying not to cry.

The first one, the one Tony hadn’t finished, made him smile the most, where Tony had said  _yes_ at least four different time in response to Bucky’s questions about feeling the same way about each other. He wished he would have gotten the chance to read it before all this shit had happened.

The next ones made him sad, watching Tony spiral into a depression during the thirteen weeks he’d been missing. And then came all the short notes as Tony had worked on his arm, worked on  _him,_ and he could hear both the hope and the despair in every word.

Bucky read all of them, wiping at his eyes as they filled to overflowing, and then went back and read them all again.

“What are you–  _what_?” Tony appeared in the open door, staring at Bucky sitting on his hotel bed. “How did you get in here? And what are you  _doing_  in here?”

“Um.. would you believe a crazy story about my super strength surging and ruining the door?” Bucky offered awkwardly. “Or any variation of that story that doesn’t make it seem like this is a case of breaking and entering?”

“I could buy the super strength surge. What are you doing here though?” Stepping further into the room, Tony caught a glimpse of all the letters and his face paled. “Oh. Oh, I see.”

“I– Steve told me about you writing me. I just wanted to read them.” Bucky held up the stack of letters. “Why didn’t you give them to me, Tony? I’ve been awake for like two weeks and you didn’t give them to me?”

Tony closed his eyes, steadying himself. It was almost too much to hear Bucky say his name again. Too much to have Bucky sitting on his  bed looking so earnest and  _lost_. Too much for him to handle without breaking down and frankly Tony was  _tired_  of crying.

“Because they are depressing.” he said dully, when Bucky kept looking at him. “And not really meant for anyone else to read. I was sort of– it was like journaling for me, you know?”

“So what?” Bucky lay them back on the nightstand, smoothing them carefully. “So even if I had come back in one piece you wouldn’t have given them to me? Just kept them as reminders of what? Everyone assuming I was dead?”

“I didn’t know if you wanted them.” Tony admitted. “If you would still want them. I’m not really sure of a whole lot of anything these days.”

“Me either.” Bucky stared down at his folded hands, and Tony couldn’t help the bit of pride at seeing how the metal fingers moved and folded just as smoothly as the flesh and blood ones.

“You did a good job.” Bucky said then. “With the arm. Much better than the other guys for sure. And um, I like the star.” He looked over at the dark red star decorating his left shoulder. “That’s a nice touch.”

“Yeah well.” Tony coughed. “My Bucky-Bear has a star on his uniform, so I figured you should at least match. Right?”

“Yeah.” Bucky smiled a little shyly. “I guess that’s true. We should definitely match.”

“Do you– do you want to talk about it? About any of it?” Tony asked cautiously. “Because I can– well I won’t know what to say but I’m happy to just… listen. You listened to me when I talked about my accident? Or at least, read my letters so if I can– if I can listen to you, I will. If you want.”

“Not even a little bit.” Bucky said, shaking his head. “Thank you, but no. Not yet. I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”

“Alright.” Tony stood awkwardly, folding and unfolding his arms, shuffling his feet, not sure how to continue the conversation, not sure where to go from here. “Well, I mean– so should we– um–” He frowned. “What I mean to say is–”

“I never doubted it, you know.” Bucky cut in, silencing whatever Tony was trying to stammer through. “How you felt about me? Um, I read in your letter that you wondered if I doubted how you felt, and I didn’t. Not ever. Just because you weren’t writing me sonnets, or were saying “you know” instead of what you really meant, I always knew. Could it read in your letters, saw it in your eyes at the charity dinner, could always hear it in your voice. I never doubted you, sweet thing. Not even once.”

“Oh?” Tony couldn’t help the hopeful question, couldn’t help taking a step forward, couldn’t help the way his breath hitched at the pet name.

“And even if I did,” Bucky made a fist with his left arm. “I certainly wouldn’t after this. After you spent so much time on this arm, on  _me,_ putting me back together _._ I’m never going to be able to repay you for this, Tony. I would  _never_ doubt things about us after this.”

“That’s– that’s great.” Tony said with a timid smile. “Bucky, I’m really glad to hear that. And whether we were-  _are-_ anything, or not anymore? I would have done the same thing. I always would have put you back together, soldier.”

Tony was rambling, because he was nervous , and maybe the tiniest bit terrified of where all this was going. But he took another step forward, then another, and  _finally finally_ Bucky met his gaze, those crystal blue eyes burning into him.

“Can I stay with you tonight, sweetheart?” Bucky asked quietly. I love Stevie and all, but I’d much rather spend the night with–”

Tony was moving before he even finished the sentence, pulling his jacket and shirt off as e climbed onto the bed, pushing at Bucky’s chest until the soldier lay back, huffing in annoyance and shifting until Bucky lifted his left arm so Tony could curl up on that side.

Bucky breathed a soft laugh, and lay the heavy arm around Tony’s back to hold him close, his right arm wrapping around him as well.

“What made you come here? To my room I mean.” Tony asked, his voice a little muffled because he refused to lift his head from Bucky’s chest. “I’m not complaining, I’m just curious.”

“Steve told me to find the letters you wrote me and do something about them. Do something about how you–how we  _both_ feel. And he specifically said to do something naked, because apparently there’s not much in life make up sex can’t fix.”

“He ain’t lying.” Tony replied, his whole body shaking with relieved laughter.

Neither one said anything about the way Bucky was sniffling, hiding his face in Tony’s hair, and neither said anything about the tears soaking Bucky’s shirt.

They just closed their eyes and fell asleep, safe and warm in each other’s arms.

******************

Tony didn’t know what time it was when Bucky tried to move from underneath him, but it was still dark, so he grumbled and kept trying to hold the soldier down.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Bucky whispered. “Just trying to roll over. Just move with me, honey, then you can go right back to bed.”

He rolled onto his left side, propping his chin up on his hand, but Tony didn’t even twitch, just stayed perfectly still as Bucky moved against him.

He swallowed back a longing sigh when they lay touching from chest to feet, legs intertwined, faces close enough that their noses were almost bumping.

“You don’t sleep much anymore, do you?” Tony said into the quiet, just barely able to make out Bucky’s face in the light coming from the window.

“No.” Bucky shook his head, “just a few hours here and there. It’s kind of a nice change. Not feeling dead tired at the end of the day. Not hurting when I lay down.”

“You don’t hurt at all anymore?” Tony lifted his hand until it connected with Bucky’s jaw, and he let his fingers run through the soft stubble.

“Only when I think about you, sweet thing.” A sigh from Bucky and he leaned into the touch.

Tony inched closer on the bed, until their lips were nearly touching.“Why do you hurt when you think about me?”

“Because I need you so badly it’s like a physical thing, Tony.” Bucky murmured, “Because I’ve missed you every day since the last time we were together. Because every time I was conscious while they were operating on me, all I could think about was you, and your smile, and the way you say my name when we’re together. Memories were the only thing keeping me going, they were all I had left.”

“Me too.” Tony wound his fingers through Bucky’s hair and pulled him close. “Not the operating thing obviously, but everything else. Had to keep reliving the good times just so I could make it through these ones.”

“Can I kiss you yet, honey?” Bucky asked. “Because I’ve been waiting all night and–”

“Hush. We’re already kissing.” Tony leaned away just long enough to say, and then sealed their lips back together in a desperate, long awaited kiss.

Bucky groaned low in his throat and moved until he was kneeling over Tony, pulling at both their clothing until they were rolling on the bed naked, teeth clacking together as they bit and licked into each others mouth.

Tony’s hands were all over Bucky, rubbing up and down the metal arm, digging his nails into the soft skin on the other, pressing hard against a chest like iron until Bucky flipped onto his back so Tony could sit above him and grind their cocks together.

“You’re so beautiful.” Bucky praised, pushing back, pushing up, against Tony’s weight, “That’s perfect. Baby doll, I’ve waited so long to be with you like this again, this is  _perfect_.”

“Not perfect yet.” Tony dug under his pillow and with a small  _click_ opened and poured way too much lube over Bucky’s length, working it through his fingers, up and down and over until Bucky was thrusting helplessly, babbling for Tony to  _wait wait, honey slow down, not like this, not like this._

“What do you mean, not like this? I thought we were alright, right? Thought we were–” Tony stopped, startled, afraid that Bucky would tell him no, would not want him after all, afraid that–

“Oh!!” he yelped in surprise when Bucky rolled them right off the bed and onto the floor, letting himself hit the ground first to take the brunt of the fall, then switching so Tony was spread out beneath him, lying in a pale circle of light cast by the streetlight outside.

“Like this.” Bucky said softly,  _tenderly_ , “where I can see you, Tony. I just wanted to see you. It’s been so long.”

“ _Too_  long.”

“ _Too_  long.” Bucky agreed, and slicked his right hand through the mess on his own stomach from the lube and reached between Tony’s legs, searching for him, working him open slowly, gently, until Tony was begging for him to  _please Bucky, please please soldier I want you, need you, been too long without you._

So Bucky ran his hands down Tony’s legs, lifted them over his shoulders, and drove into him, hard and fast, sure, solid strokes until Tony was crying out,  _screaming_ his name, and Bucky was pouring himself into that lovely, body all too soon, cradling Tony just as close as he could, until they were both empty, both exhausted, coming down from a wave of pleasure that had crested too quickly and caught them by surprise.

But it was alright.

Because in the warm afterglow, Tony pressed his lips to all those awful scars on Bucky’s shoulders, telling him over and over how beautiful they were, how much of a fighter he was, how much of a  _survivor_  he was, repeating all the words Bucky had said to him so many times before.

Then he fit one hand to the curve of Bucky’s neck, letting his fingers rest on the throbbing pulse and sighed contentedly. “I didn’t think I’d get to do this again.” he murmured. “To feel your heart race like this.”

The soldier shuddered with every kiss, every soft word, easing himself from Tony’s body, reaching for a shirt to clean them up.

“Come on, sweet thing.” he whispered. “Come back to bed with me now.”

Tony curled up against his left side, dropping off to sleep almost instantly, and Bucky held him close the rest of the night.


	19. Chapter 19

“Where are you going?” Bucky grumbled early the next morning, when Tony left the warm bed. “It’s barely light out, baby.”

“I really need a shower.” Tony answered softly, “I’ll just be a few minutes. I’m coming right back, alright?”

Bucky opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but changed his mind over it, resting his arm over his eyes to block out the early morning sun.

Tony hesitated, torn between curling back up next to the soldier and asking him what he was going to say, and the overwhelming need to brush his teeth.

The bathroom won out, and Tony relaxed for a long time under the hot water, letting memories of the night before rush over him as he cleaned himself, smiling dreamily as he thought about how good it had been to be full of Bucky, to be just this little bit of sore, to be–

Bucky knocked on the door and interrupted his train of thought. “Sorry.” he apologized over the sound of the water. “But I really have to use the bathroom.”

“No worries.” Tony said automatically, and reached for his toothbrush, determined to hurry up and get out so they could get back to bed together. .

The toilet flushed a minute later, the sink turning on as Bucky brushed his own teeth and it suddenly all seemed very domestic, so Tony took a chance  and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“Want to join me? My hairs getting longer and it’s a pain to wash. Then I could wash yours. If you’d like.”;

“I’d love that.” Bucky sounded like he was smiling, and Tony didn’t bother trying to hide a pleased grin.

“Come on then.” Tony ducked under the water, letting it stream over his hair and back until he felt the cold rush of air as Bucky opened the shower curtain and stepped in.

Taking a steadying breath, he opened his eyes, and smiled up at Bucky. “Well heya soldier. Imagine meeting you here.”

“Hey yourself.” Bucky inched around him until he stood in the spray and Tony was on the far end of the tub, then tipped his head back and closed his eyes in the water.

And Tony took the opportunity to just  _stare_.

In the small space, Bucky was  _huge._ All big muscles and broad shoulders and thick  _everything._ Tony almost felt bad for ogling while Bucky wasn’t looking, but certainly not bad enough to stop. It’s not like he’d forgotten how big Bucky was, but even if he had, last night would have reminded him, but damn it was nice to look.

Just so nice to look and know that he could touch any damn time he–

“Tony.”

He jerked his glance up to find Bucky watching him, one eyebrow raised. “Do you want back in the water?”

“Oh, right, thanks.” Tony started to move to one side, to let Bucky pass, but the soldier stopped him with a big hand to his waist, the other winding through his hair.

“I like your hair like this. A little longer and starting to curl.” Bucky said, pulling him closer, until their bodies were flush against one another. “It makes you look a lot less serious. Like, young and soft and sexy instead of brooding and sexy.”

The hand at his waist dropped a little lower, to just rest on the curve of his ass, and Tony squirmed a little as every drop of blood in his body went  _way south_ , knowing he was too close to even have a chance at hiding his reaction.

“I’ve missed you.” Bucky rested their foreheads together. “I missed you the entire time we’ve been apart, Tony. But  _especially_  these past few weeks. It was one thing to be in separate countries and miss you, but to be in the same building was just…”

“Missed you too.” Tony managed, biting back a whimper when Bucky leaned back against the shower wall, spreading his legs and bringing Tony closer between them. “I missed being like…this with you. Even though we were only together once before–”

“I know.” Bucky murmured. “Me too. So much. Wanted to come to you sooner, but just wasn’t sure if you wanted–”

“Yes.” Tony interrupted. “Always yes to you. To that. So glad you came over last night. Being with you again was…” a shiver rolled down his spine and his words trailed off.

“Mmm Tony.” Bucky’s voice went low and dark, and his left arm dropped even lower, settling over the curve of Tony’s perfect round ass, and with a quick jerk, he lifted Tony clear off his feet, spinning them around so his back was to the wall, his legs wrapped around Bucky’s waist.

“I don’t know if I’m terrified or turned on that you are holding me with one arm.” Tony tried to joke, but his voice was too hoarse to be anything other than  _turned the fuck on_.

Bucky only smiled a little wickedly and reached between their bodies to bring his right hand up and over Tony’s cock, then repeated the motion over his own, his soft moan nearly lost in the sound of the water.

He pressed as close as he could then, slotting himself in the vee between Tony’s thighs, until they couldn’t fit any closer without being inside each other.

“More.” Tony whined, asking for exactly that, canting his hips to encourage Bucky to just slip inside him, but Bucky shook his head.

“Like this, baby, I just want to hold you and watch you, just like this.” Bucky reached for the bottle of body wash, flipping it open and squirting a generous amount over them both. “I thought about this when I got your box for Valentine’s Day. Thought about just being up against you like this.”

“Did you like it?” Tony asked, his whole body jerking when Bucky rubbed the sweet smelling soap all over his chest, working his way down with just his right hand, his left still firmly holding Tony against the shower wall. “Did you like the pictures I sent?”

“So much.” Bucky tucked his head in Tony’s shoulder, wrapping his big hand most of the way around both their cocks, using the soap to ease his grip. Tony wiggled against him and cried out when Bucky squeezed roughly over the heads, his calloused thumb catching at the sensitive skin and lighting him up.

“Talk to me.” Bucky whispered. “I use to dream about hearing you, when I was kept in that hospital. Talk to me. I talked you through one, once, now it’s your turn.”

“Bucky, I–” Tony thought for a second, not really sure how to dirty talk, but then an idea came to him and he smiled shyly. “You know it took me forever to pick out which panties to wear for you? I tried on some in almost every color, but the blue was my favorite. They were so soft against my skin, silk and satin, I was tempted to buy some just to wear every day.”

Bucky’s fingers on his ass tightened, and he rocked against Tony, trying to get even closer. “Will you wear some for me, one day?”

“Of course.” Tony murmured. “What do you want? Do you want me to wear them under my suits, so no one else but you can tell I’m wearing something silk? Do you want me to wear one of your shirts, and when you lift it up, I’m in a pretty pair that cuts up across my ass?”

“ _Jesus_ Tony.” Bucky was already breathing hard, and Tony moaned in response, trying to thrust into that firm grip, but held still by the huge left arm.

“Or do you want me to wear a thong under my jeans, so when I bend over you can see the lace band? Tell me what you want, Bucky, and I swear I’ll do it. What did you think about when you saw my pictures? Do you know what I thought about the entire time? How hot it would be when you walked in the room and saw me laid out like that. How your eyes would get all dark and fierce and your voice would get all dangerous. I thought about you kneeling over me, stroking that fat cock until you came all over all those pretty panties, then I’d run my fingers through it all so I could taste–”

“ _Tony_.” Bucky’s voice dropped into a growl, his fist flying over them now, and Tony dropped his head back against the tile.

“Yes, baby, come on.” He closed as his eyes as the pleasure built, tightening his legs and tilted his hips up just enough to–

“Tony  _tonytony tony!_ ” Bucky nearly howled as he came, his cock spurting hot and wet against Tony’s stomach, and Tony gritted his teeth and tried to hold on, tried to wait, his fingers digging bruises into Bucky’s chest as the soldier shook through his orgasm.

“Alright?” he asked softly, once Bucky was breathing evenly again, and the soldier nodded, easing back from the wall so Tony could stand, and dropping to his knees before Tony even registered what was happening.

“Oh! Oh Bucky you don’t have to–ah  _fuck_ _ **fuck**_ don’t stop doing that.” he laced his fingers through Bucky’s short hair, avoiding the stitches and scars, and cursed again. “Please  _please_ don’t stop Bucky this is so good, don’t stop don’t stop don’t stop.”

Bucky swallowed every bit of his seven inches, not stopping until his nose was smashed against Tony’s stomach, Tony pumped his hips once, cautiously, and Bucky groaned in agreement, his left hand still wrapped right around Tony’s ass, pushing him forward, encouraging him to fuck into his mouth.

Tony wasn’t about to argue, bracing himself against the wall, and thrusting hard, chasing his own orgasm, staring down at those gorgeous red lips, the dark blue eyes, and when Bucky traced two fingers down over his sac, and behind, to press inside, Tony tried his hardest not to yell, his cock jerking and pulsing down Bucky’s throat.

Bucky pulled off slowly, relishing every twitch of Tony’s hips, every drop of come that landed on his tongue, licking and suckling over Tony’s length to get every bit he could.  

Tony’s knees gave out the minute Bucky’s mouth released him, and Bucky caught him easily turning him until they could both sit in the tub.

There they sat, resting contentedly under the water until it started turning cold.

Then Bucky carried his boyfriend back to bed, drying him carefully, and curling around him to try and get some more sleep.

“So much for washing our hair.” He whispered into Tony’s hair.

“Washing hair is just code for sex.” Tony replied tiredly. “You should know that, soldier.”


	20. Chapter 20

_To Master Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes_

_–Welcome home Bucky Baby._

_–This is your side of the bed. Stay off my side. It’s mine and I don’t like people touching my things. (On a related note, the next time Hammer tries to touch you I’m probably going to break his hand. Goes right along with the whole–I don’t like people touching my things.)_

_–However, I will always sleep on your side, because I like to be_ _**close** _ _to my things, and you’ll have to deal with the cuddles that come with that._

_–Feel free to use as many pillows as you want, I won’t need any, now that you’re home._

_–It’s a tough life, having to share a bed, but I’m happy to work through these hard times with you_

_–Tony_

_–PS hard times are gonna start as soon as I get back so get naked soldier. Hard Times are just code for sex._

_–PPS. I love you, Bucky. You can say it as much as you want now. Please say it as much as you want. I love you. Love you love you  love you_

Bucky set the letter back down on the nightstand in Tony’s room, laughing because every one of those ridiculous pillows were piled on “his” side of the bed. Tony’s was empty, except for the Bucky Bear that sat against the headboard.

He reached into his pack and pulled out his Tony bear that had finally arrived with the rest of his boxes from Afghanistan, and tucked it right next to the other, their paws touching, and set the bottle of Gun Oil lube between them.

The he stripped out of his clothes, took a long  _absolutely thorough_ shower, and stretched out on the bed to wait for Tony to get back to the penthouse.

Right after landing in New York almost three weeks ago, he and Steve had been taken in for questioning regarding his captivity, Steve’s rescue, and how they were both coping after being juiced with the serum.

Most of the questions were for Bucky, especially when it came to his new arm, and he had impatiently repeated his story to anyone who wanted to hear it.

He was anxious to get home and see his family, who had just barely been told he’d been found alive. Anxious to get some real food, since he wasn’t a fan of what they had served in Germany. And more than anything else he was anxious to see Tony.

When they had had to go their separate ways, take separate flights in Germany, Tony had pulled him aside for a private moment before boarding.

Pressing a long kiss against Bucky’s lips, Tony had said quietly, “I expect you home soon. And I mean home with me. Penthouse. A bed with thousands of pillows. A view of the city. Our bears kissing on the dresser. I expect you to come home.  _Soon_.”

“Call me home, Tony.” Bucky had whispered, quoting the poem he had written Tony over a year ago and  wrapping both arms around him, “Call me home and don’t doubt for a second that I won’t come running.”

And almost three weeks after they had last seen each other, after Bucky had got to spend close to two weeks at his parents home, a sleek black car had pulled up in front of the old house.

A friendly man had stepped out, introduced himself as ‘Happy, Mr. Stark’s personal driver’ and told Bucky that Mr Stark had insisted it was time for the soldier to come  _home_.

Bucky had kissed his family goodbye, tossed his bag in the back of the expensive vehicle and climbed in.

And here he was.

Bucky pulled the sheet up over his hips and closed his eyes, enjoying the silence, enjoying the soft scent of Tony that permeated the bed.

And before he knew it, he was fast asleep.

********************

“I want you.” Tony said softly, gently running his fingers down the cold metal on Bucky’s left side. “Is that alright?”

Bucky blinked the sleep from his eyes, focusing quickly on a  _very_ naked Tony sitting cross legged on the side of the bed.

“Why wouldn’t it be alright, honey?” he asked, his voice still rough from sleep. “You gave me fair warning in your letter. Hard times start when you get home?”

Tony smirked a little. “Yeah, fair warning is right. But I  _want_ you. Want to  _have_ you. Want to–”

“Yes.” Bucky nodded his head. “Always yes.”

“I’m glad you’re home.” Tony said, pulling the sheet down and watching in fascination as Bucky’s heavy cock started plumping up under his gaze. “I missed you.”

“I’m glad I’m home too.” Bucky shifted against the mattress as he grew harder, watching Tony lick his lips, watching those dark eyes glaze over with  _want_.

“Did you want to shower? Do you need anything?” Tony was asking mostly to be polite, as he was already coaxing Bucky onto his stomach, onto all fours.

“No, baby, I’m ready for you.” Bucky pushed back against Tony’s searching fingers, dropping his head and moaning loudly at the welcome pressure against his entrance.

Tony poured lube all over his hand, all over the cleft between Bucky’s cheeks, and moved further inside, pressing soft kisses all over Bucky’s back and shoulders as he went, taking his time to stretch him.

“You don’t have to work so hard.” Bucky grunted, rocking his hips back. “Want to feel every bit of you. Come on, Tony. Let me feel you.”

“God  _dammit_ , Bucky.” Tony pulled his fingers free, reaching for a condom, but Bucky shook his head. “You’re sure?”

“Sure as anything, sweetheart.” was the answer, and Tony tossed the condom across the room, stroking a hand roughly,  lining himself up.

Bucky was  _so hot_ inside, and it was all Tony could do to not slam all the way in, all he could do not to push too hard too soon. He tried, he  _tried_ to go slow, but Bucky never stopped moaning, never stopped panting, never stopped pushing back against every thrust, every roll of Tony’s hips.

“You’re so good like this.” Tony whispered, and the shiver that went through Bucky’s body made him tighten clear through where to Tony was so deep inside him.  

“So good.” Bucky repeated, and urged Tony faster, for  _more_. “I can take it baby, want to take it. Want all of you.”

So Tony gave in, holding onto Bucky’s hips and pounding into him, scratching nails down his back and shifting in short little thrusts until he found a spot that had Bucky nearly sobbing, clawing at the bed sheets, fucking forward into his own fist.

They rocked together, cries and groans filling the bedroom, hips slapping together, breath growing ragged until Tony couldn’t wait any longer, and buried himself as far as he could, as deep into all that sweet heat as he could be, shouting Bucky’s name as he spent himself inside his soldier.

Bucky followed shortly after, collapsing onto the bed, making a mess of the blankets and sheets, and entirely unable to care as his pulse skyrocketed, and his vision went black with pure pleasure.

Tony lay over him, kissing every inch of skin he could reach, until Bucky was shivering from the over sensitivity. Then Tony lifted himself free, slipping away just long enough to get a couple towels to clean up with, fitting himself back between Becky’s legs  once he had rolled over and they were face to face.

Bucky tucked Tony’s head against his chest, running his hands down his back in possessive circles, waiting for their breathing to slow down, for their heart rates to return to normal.

“You didn’t say it.” Tony said over a shudder as Bucky’s hands got close to his ass.. “I said it and you didn’t.”

“You  _wrote_ it.” Bucky countered, kneading over the soft curve with his right hand, holding Tony’s hip with his left. “But you’re right, I didn’t. I wanted to be looking into your eyes the first time.”

He tugged at Tony until he sat up, then brushed strong fingers over his cheekbones and jaw. “I love you, Tony. I have for so long now. I’m glad the timing is finally right, glad we can finally say it.”

“I love you too.” Tony wiped away a tear from Bucky’s face, and Bucky did the same to him, catching the drop as it fell. “I have for…for so long. Seems like forever.” He scooted up until their lips met, and kissed Bucky until the soldier was gasping for breath, shifting his hips as his arousal spiked again.

“Tony.” Bucky groaned, and Tony moved even further up, spreading his legs to straddle him.

“Show me soldier.” He gripped the metal arm hard, and Bucky’s eyes widened. “Show me that you love me.”

“Show you right now? Again?”

“Show me always.” Tony corrected, and couldn’t hide his smile when Bucky flipped him over onto his back, sliding up his body until their foreheads touched. 

“I’ll show you forever.” he promised. “Say yes, Tony.”

“Yes. Always yes.”

******************

**Epilogue**

******************

“So have you given any thought to when you want to start training again?” Steve was sipping a cup of coffee, sitting comfortably in the kitchen of the penthouse. “You feeling better after being home, or what?”

Bucky and Tony exchanged a look and Tony frowned.“Training for what? What are you talking about? Bucky received a Purple Heart and an honorable discharge from the military. What training?”

“Well, the super soldier program has been sort of disbanded.” Steve explained. “I think what happened with Bucky really freaked everyone out. But there are already six of us, so there is talk of forming a separate unit with just the program participants. Won’t really operate under military jurisdiction since other than me, no one else is active duty, so we will kind of be our own thing.”

“Sorry, six of you?” Tony interrupted. “Did you say  _six_?”

“Uh yeah. There is Bucky and I, of course.” Steve counted off of his fingers. “A kid from the Air Force named Sam Wilson. An expert marksman, code name  _Hawkeye_. Apparently he grew up in the circus, it’s pretty crazy. A ballerina from Russia, who also happens to be trained as a super spy. She volunteered for the program, then defected this way. Sounds incredibly lethal. They call her Black Widow.”

“Yikes.” Bucky commented and Tony nodded, eyes wide.

“Seriously. And the sixth?”

“Well apparently they are still working on tracking him down, but he is a scientist who has this crazy mutation and roids out into a giant green monster.”

“You’re  _lying_. A giant green monster?” Bucky accused. “I don’t believe that.”

Steve shrugged. “I’m really not. If you had read the briefings instead of…doing that—” he waved towards Tony. “You would be up to speed on it all.”

Bucky grinned, patting at Tony’s ass teasingly. “Not sorry.”

“Yeah I know.” Steve raised his eyebrows, but his smile was gentle. “Congratulations, by the way.”

“I don’t love this idea.” Tony said quietly, and Bucky reached for him, pulling him down into his lap and wrapping his left arm around him securely.

“Honey, I’m a soldier, I will  _always_ be a soldier. You know that.”

“Yeah, but you’re  _my_ soldier.” Tony argued. “I want you safe.  _Home_.”

“And I’m always going to be YOUR soldier.” Bucky assured him. “But I can’t turn down this chance, baby. We could really change the world, a team of super soldiers like this.”

“And you know, Tony.” Steve added. “I know you don’t love war or anything like that, but there is  _always_  room for an inventor on the team. You could design our weapons and our armor, and we could have a compound built that you can have free run over. It could be really good.”

Tony took a long drink of his coffee, his dark eyes sparking with interest. “Can I have my own theme song? Because I already have one in mind. Black Sabbath wrote some  _really_ good music.” he hummed a few bars. “I want theme music.”

Steve drummed his fingers on the table. “If we were doing theme music– and I can assure you, I’m not signing off on that–I think Bucky would be better suited to have ‘Iron Man’ as a theme, don’t you think?”

“You can have it, sweet thing.” Bucky conceded, rubbing their noses together. “And don’t listen to Steve. He’s a stick in the mud but he’s a good guy. You can have all the theme music you want.”

“Even the Iron Man song?”

“Even the Iron Man song.”


End file.
